Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:03am
but why is the only possibility you will consider "the same job had pre-children"? many parents are able to change their work habits within the same job; i went from working 8-5 to working 7:30-3:30 in the same job after my oldest was born, and i have a different job with a less-than-five-minute commute from home and am working 8-4 now that we've relocated and my dd goes to school 8:40-3:40.

some parents have few choices. a single parent with little education and only experience working in low-skill jobs has far less flexibility than a married parent whose dh earns a high salary and who has education and experience that suit high-skill work, because the former is less likely to have paid time off and is more likely to be considered easily replaced, and the latter (a category that i believe you've frequently and adamantly said you are in) would have more options both with a current and in looking for another employment situation.

i know several people who are home around 3:00 every day who aren't teachers or part-timers. cutting lunch hours, buying a house with commute in mind, staggering shifts, telecommuting a few hours a week--there are a number of ways to manage that kind of shift, especially for people with your education and experience. maybe you wouldn't have been able to manage all that in "the same job had pre-children," but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't have been able to manage it if you'd tried to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:24am
not to put too fine a point on things, but aren't you talking about something akin to a two-hour round-trip commute from suburban ct into manhattan? you and your children really enjoyed that kind of commute day-after-day? and to go to the same small zoo over and over again? (our local zoo is larger than the bronx, and my kids tire of it when we go as often as once a week during the cool rainy springs here) to the *met* with preschoolers? (my kids have enjoyed the natural history museums in ny and chicago as preschoolers, but i've never witnessed or even heard of a preschooler enjoying an art museum for more than a short time, and certainly not on a weekly basis--lemme guess, yours are "gifted" in that way?) not to mention, i've been to the bronx zoo on free wednesdays, and i can't imagine how it could appeal to someone who considers weekend crowds at the beach and the grocery store unacceptable. actually, outside manhattan and d.c., there aren't many free museums. you won't find a one in other major mets such as chicago or toronto, nor in most smaller cities or towns.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:38am
Working being a benefit is relative to the family. It isn't a case of it being a benefit or not being a benefit. If a mother felt working would benefit her family she WOULD be doing it. If she isn't doing it she obviously doesn't see a benefit to her family. The reason she might not see any benefit in it may differ, but if she thought it would benefit her family she would work.

I will give you an example.

We are comfortable. Nice house, new cars, vacations, dinners out, housekeeper, lawn service, nice clothes, college funds, retirement savings, etc. But we are NOT super wealthy so we do not have an unlimited amount of money. There are simply things we cannot afford. But there is nothing that I really want for myself or my family that I do not have. I do not see how me going back to work would benefit our family.

However, I have a friend who is in a similar financial situation and she is going back to work because she wants to purchase a second home. AHA! She sees benefit where I don't. So 2 similarly situated individuals each see the same situation differently. I don't see going back to work for a second home as benefiting my family. SHE does.

Can you see how YOU can't say what would be a benfit for other people? Only THEY can say that.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:40am
Who said we went into Manhattan "day after day"? It was more like once a month and yes, the boys loved taking the train. And yes, they also loved going to the Bronx zoo - a lot. They never got tired of it. Sorry to disappoint you.

The Science museum is in Boston, the Peabody is in New Haven and most of our museum trips when they were very young were to the Museum of Natural history in manhattan. Preschoolers love it. As far as the Met, it has an incredible Egyptian and Armory exhibit that even young children love. We also went to the Intrepid Air and Space museum quite often, something else enjoyed by the very young We skipped the paintings, no my children aren't some sort of prodigies. I only went to the Bronx once on free day, that was enough. It's worth it to pay, but if you can't afford it there are options.

Don't underestimate your kids or their appreciation for museums. Better to start them young. No one is saying you have to do those things with your children, if you want to limit their horizons that's your prerogative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:43am
Aw gee, why didn't I think of that?

I'm substitute teaching now, something very different then what I used to do. I will never work fulltime again. Not as long as I have a choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:47am
Like I said, bully for you. Woh fulltime is a snap.

I wonder why I read about all this second shift nonsense, and about how exhausting it is to be a working mom. I guess everyone's blowing smoke. Why all the complaints? Even p&j wants credit for doing everything a working mom has to do, but then she turns around and says she has plenty of leisure time.

You can't have it both ways.

BTW, my sister does it, and SHE thinks it's exhausting. Maybe she should give you a call and you can tell her how easy it is, okay?


Edited 12/31/2003 10:49:04 AM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:51am
THey are. That's what they did when we weren't out and about, but we don't live in a neighborhood, it's 2 acre zoning and playmates are few and far between, so they have to be scheduled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:52am
Ha! We aren't wealthy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:53am
I sure do. And I don't care that anyone has a problem with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:54am

I guess I am lucky I live my life then, because I can't imagine doing everything by myself, even if I did sah.

PumpkinAngel

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