Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:09pm
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so what? Who asked you to define MY breaks? As far as I'm concerned ANY mental down time from rewriting style formats is a break from WORK. Once I get my errands done, I can go back to my desk with a clear hear--one that hasn't been focussed on style codes for the past 30 minutes. Makes a huge difference. And why should I care if it doesn't meet YOUR standards of a break? The only person it has to serve is ME, last I checked.

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for you. Doesn't sound like much of a different life for me. Dishes aren't a chore I dislike, laundry is a matter of one Monday morning while I'm playing online, grocery shopping takes about 20 minutes every Tuesday morning on the way home from work, and I like making dinner. Glad you enjoyed it, but it wouldn't be much of a benefit for me. I'd miss making dinner and I only do 4 loads of laundry a week anyway (all of it Monday morning and all of it done by 11am.)

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Who would WANT to? Museums just don't change that often and we don't need that much reinforcement. Besides which, again you're presuming that WOHPs get off work at 5 or 6pm. hell, I'm just waking up then....if I have to get up early and be someplace in the evening, that is. But I go to museums, on weekdays, all the time. I've marched in protests in downtown DC on weekdays mornings. I go to the park every other morning. I could easily go to the beach for hours on end during the weekdays if I really wanted to piss away that much of my life, but since I don't see the point or the attraction, why would I?

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Um, no, a SAHP only makes life easier on all the other members if THEY happen to be lazy slugs. For the rest of us with family members who are expected to actually contribute to the good of the entire family, including anyone who happens to SAH, a SAHP doesn't make much of a difference in terms of chore load.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:14pm
Maybe my kid is wierd, but my nearly 15 year old would think I have lost my mind if I suggested that we go to the park during the summer. She would much rather be with friends or go places with friends. I take my 6 year old to the park and the library afterschool sometimes. The way it has played out in hour household is that for big stuff, like a weekend at the beach or Disney, the older one will happily go with us, but for everyday stuff, like trips to the mall or movies, she would rather be with her friends. Heck, she will be driving in a little over a year.


Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:15pm
Me neither. I will not do any grocery shopping on the weekends. It's too crowded.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:31pm
But how does one decide if its a benefit, if one does not look at the individual family? You cant call the income from woh a general or inherent benefit, no matter how much you would like it to be so. Not unless you look at the family in question.

Looking in from the outside, you might think *well if mom worked, they'd be able to afford a newer car or take more vacations, or save more money*. But unless you are privy to their daily lives and finances, you dont KNOW whether or not that extra money would truly be beneficial.

Sometimes it is a tradeoff, with certain things being more important to a family than just more money or a higher standard of living. There are times when a family might deem having a sahp more important than having more money. Whether or not you understand that is irrelevent. The benefits of having a sahp have been explained to you time and time again, and when they are you insist that its only specific to the particular situation. But you have to understand that sah/woh is ALWAYS only specific to the particular situation. There are benefits and downfalls to EITHER decision-each family has to decide which would work best for THEM.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:45pm
Actually, I can never sleep late even on weekends. So, I often am at the supermarket when it first opens at 6 or 7 and its pretty empty then even on a Saturday.
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:49pm
OKrsmommy posted in another thread today that she and her kids dont have health insurance and she feels her SAH outweighs the benefits of working. Personally, I consider it a top priority for my family to have health insurance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 12:52pm
Sounds like many ah parents that I know.My dd goes to preschool,has a playgroup (free play,isn't that relaxing/downtime?),a library storytime(is being read to stressful?), numerous parks indoor and outdoor (fun,and downtime can be had playing in the sanbox or swinging,right?),we get free tickets through dhs work and our library for museums,we pick one summer place and one winter place for a membership,I am trying to get motivated for us all to learn ice skating- $3 at private school that gives town privilages-that same school lets "townies" use their museum and nature preserve."Downtime "can be had at the beach or a nature preserve,can't it?
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:20pm
Yeah, well, SAH doesn't make that much difference to 15yos, at least not during school hours. We're talking about little kids. Having the opportunity to take your kids to the park or beach every day hardly matters if they're in school...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:29pm
You bet it's prety empty! Them are sleepin' hours!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:41pm
This isn't necessarily a reponse to you, but a general one to the comments about SAHPs being able to take the kids to the parks, etc during the week.

IMO, if you have a good person caring for your children, then a lot of the benefits of those activities is for the *parent* and less for the *children.* If a grandma or a nanny takes the children to the park, then are they missing *that* much by not having the *parent* be there? My nanny takes my dd to the park almost everyday and to My Gym couple of times a week. I have no question that my dd has a good time and that she's being well cared for. The major additional benefit that I will get if I SAH would be that *I* would enjoy going to the park with my dd.

And WRT museums, the zoo, the beach, etc... I don't think it's important that the kids go everyday or even multiple times a week. Dual WOHPs can do all that during the weekend. Actually, I think a couple of times a year at the zoo is plenty.

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