Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 3:13pm
Why would it result in them going elsewhere, and why would a parent allow them to GO elsewhere (I am assuming this *elsewhere* is somewhere they are unsupervised). Why wouldnt they just come home after school? Why would having a parent at home at 3pm make them NOT want to come home? Unless they have some kind of cr@ppy relationship with their parents to begin with, I dont understand why you insist that they wouldnt want to come home.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 3:24pm
Well,ITA w/ that,but we've all had that discussion.nt
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 3:24pm
Huh?? Was there a wink or something missing on your post? You mentioned that beach or nature preserve could be considered "downtime". I replied that that depends on a child's temperment and the weather. I didn't think of it as a contest, do you? My kids (notice the emphasis on *my*) seem to be in need of a certain kind of downtime. I know other kids who thrive on being out of the house every second of every day. Nothing wrong with either model unless someone starts insisting that WOHMs are missing out on a whole lot of opportunities to go to parks, museums, the beach etc. that *naturally* all SAHMs ought/can/do (take your pick) partake of on a daily basis.

Also, I'm not sure where you live, but where I live it rains most of the year and when it isn't raining, it is about to rain or snow or the wind is so bad that the sand in blowing in the eyes. We like the outdoors too, we spend a lot of time out there year round in spite of the weather (and have learned how to dress for it), but going out in that kind of weather, while a heck of a lot of fun, just doesn't necessarily feel like "downtime" to us....is there something wrong with that?


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 3:37pm
Heres what I am not liking about the term *capable*. Lets say you and your dh have the SAME earning potential. You EACH make X amount of dollars, and need X amount of dollars to live comfortably, save, etc. Both incomes are NOT necessary to live comfortably. But you are BOTH *CAPABLE* of earning said income. Just because you decide to have a sahp in the family does NOT mean the sahp is not *CAPABLE* of earning X amount of dollars.

Do ya get that?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 3:42pm
In the posts I have read,every time a sahm has shared some good aspects of her sah,a wohm tight-a$$ comes along to get all preachy about how terrible sahms are to take their kids out places,or how the childhood memories their kids have must be wrong.The horror!I live in MA,and in nice weather we do find the beach relaxing.In the fall we like to walk on trails.We like other people.We are at home quite enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 4:02pm
Shrug...We went to the St. Louis Zoo,which is free and very good btw,quite often.A free playgroup met in the next neighborhoood.We also went to the Magic House on free Fris,or during the week,the Science Center,the History Museum and Art Museum(for me,ds just enjoyed the walk,but on our last visit both kids enjoyed the Sesame Street exhibit),the Jewel Box,we lived in between two parks and had a zillion others...not unheard of at all.You can find stuff to do almost anyplace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 4:18pm
But since I quite carefully specified that this was the way *we* used our time when I was a ft SAHM, your comment to me seemed, to say the least, misdirected. I never berated anyone for over-stressing their children. I certainly don't recall saying how terrible SAHMs are for taking their kids out...though the comment was made by one poster, at one point, that children who aren't taken out on a daily basis to such enriching places must be deprived somehow. I find that equally absurd, don't you? And it was that attitude that prompted me to point out that being on the go all day every day is not necessarily ideal either....that it depends on the parents' and childrens' individual temperments.

We find different kinds of outdoor time relaxing...botanical gardens in summer are relaxing for us, and we usually combine a visit with friends. Going blueberry hunting in the forest behind our house is relaxing, going sledding in winter in the same forest is relaxing. Going to the beach is a fun day out, but not entirely relaxing since it involves a fair amount of preparation and a lot of walking to get there. Meeting up with some friends can be a lot of fun, but not very relaxing (age differences of the kids perhaps, or other reasons why we have to intervene a lot). Meeting up with other friends can be both fun and relaxing. I did (and do) a lot of things with the kids that were definitely fun, but not my definition of relaxing or "downtime". The two don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. And what is "downtime" for one family may well fall into the category of "fun/not relaxing" for another


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 4:46pm
Just curious.What is the point of bullying women into working ft if they don't want/need to ,or making snide comments anout their marriage or kids or earning capacity?What pleasure,exactly,is gained from being so nasty and narrow-minded about women who make some unconventional choices?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 5:06pm
And I feel for the poor slobs who have to go to the beach in CT. Yuck, how gross! Give me the white sand and clear blue warm waters of the gulf anytime.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 5:11pm
Yeah, I know, don't rub it in. That's where I'm heading when dh retires, to our little future beach house, right on the beach down south. Can't wait.

At least it gives us a reason to vacation at nicer beaches - we're leaving for the bahamas next Saturday, it's a little bit of an upgrade from Compo beach in Westport!

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