Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
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Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
| Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am |
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.
Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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Four loads of laundry a week? I suppose I am a good twenty to twenty five years away from that (short of killing off my sweaty racquetball-playing dh.)
I'll recognize that I am in a special little category in this regard (having so many young children who cannot help much with chores, a dh who doesn't help a whole lot) but you need to recognize you are also in a special little category (having no one in your household who cannot completely fend for himself, having no one in your household who needs active, hands-on parenting) at least, for spouting off about SAHparenting. I think your opinion is valuable but I don't get why you offer up details of your life to counter a point about SAHparenting. Are you talking hypothetically, IF you had a dependent child living in your home? Are you talking about when your ds was younger?
As he got older (definitely by 6), he was expected to pull his bedclothes up so his bed looked straightened, if not made in the strictest "hotel" sense of the term. He was expected to help sort clothes into lights and darks, and separate jeans from darker, dressier clothes. He was expected to help fold and put away clothes. He was expected to help empty the dishwasher, to help rinse used dishes and fill the dishwasher. He was expected to help clear the table. He was expected to sweep the kitchen floor after dinner. He was expected to help clean his own bathroom.
When he was very small, it was no great effort to get his to help--heck I started out having him help because he wouldn't leave me alone. As he got older, tho, yes, he needed lots of reminding and the occasional Mommy-Meltdown by me insisting that I'm not a maid, and we are a family and he's expected to do what he can do to help around the house and that some of the things he's asked to care for aren't his mess specifically and too bad.
No, I don't have as much laundry as I once did, but it hasn't always been that way (John wasn't BORN a grown adult, you know) and I know for a FACT you can expect kids to help with sorting, folding and even just placing dirty clothes where they belong, adding to their responsibilities as they grow and mature.
Household tasks are a fact of life in ANY household, not just ones with small children. And those of us households with older children did HAVE small children once upon a time, you know.
Now, it may be very well true that having a SAHP would make things easier for all concerned. Sure it would; I'd love having a SAH spouse. But having one wouldn't absolve me from household chores, even if it lightened the load I bear now. right now, you have 3 kids who aren't as much help as they will be when your 2 year old is 4, even. But they ought to be of SOME help to you, especially the 6 and 4 year old. There are a LOT of things they can be doing which will simplify what you do now, and (obviously in my opinion) they SHOULD be helping you do those chores. YOU are as much a part of that family and deserving of the benefits that come with being in a family as anyone else in that family. If anything, my dislike of the "SAHPs do everything at home" argument lies in the fact that I believe just because they are home doesn't mean no one else in the household is responsible for maintaining it. EVERYONE is responsible for maintaining the family dwelling; some folks have a greater percentage of the tasks, due to how responsibilities are split, no doubt, but to suggest that a SAHP is or even SHOULD BE the sole person doing housework isn't fair.
It's that Dixie Cup Company paper plate commercial all over again--where the Mom is "stuck in the kitchen cleaning dishes" while the rest of the family (Dad and two kids who are at LEAST in the higher elementary school grades if not older) play games after dinner so she buys paper plates that they can all throw out so she doesn't have to clean dishes. That commercial drives me CRAZY!!!! Why, why, WHY!!!!!!! aren't their lazy butts in that kitchen helping Mom clean???? Was Mom the only one who ate?
And it's even more infuriating to hear some of the SAHMs here who SAHM because they do the lion's share of housework and would have to EVEN IF THEY WOH. Who ARE these men who will not accept that they have responsibilities in the home just like everyone else? When I hear that, I think, then SAH isn't a benefit; it's co-dependency (which realistically, I know it's not--not to that extreme...but it doesn't strike me as much of a benefit, either.) it's just enables a lazy spouse to remain lazy.
Maybe I shouldn't weigh in on this aspect of the discussion, but to be honest, some of these 'benefits' don't sound like benefits--they sound like consolation prizes. the kids gain nothing from having everythign done for them. the spouse gains nothing by imagining he/she can go to work for 8 or 10 hours a day and then sit on his/her butt while the SAH spouse continues all the cleaning and childrearing.
I totally agree with you, BTW. After it snows, we go sledding. I am seriously missing snow right now!
outside_the_box_mom
additionally they offer most in-store specials as well as online only specials -- and you can use coupons too. oh and the delivery fee is $5.
for me, it makes the life of a busy mom all that much easier.
eileen
eileen
eileen
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