Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 8:52am
Well, my dh is not lazy, he works 60 hours a week plus does the yardwork. I would no more expect him to come home at 7:00 and start doeing household chores than I would myself if I came home at that hour.

We'd just hire a housekeeper if i woh fulltime so neither of us would have that burden.

We don't all have those nice little 8-4 jobs with the 15 minute commutes that everyone here keeps telling me about, not if we want the same level of career and income.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 8:53am
well you can't touchy-feely it, but i'm just not a touchy-feely kind of gal, LOL! their meats are the very same ones that they have in the store -- just as if i had picked them myself -- and i don't handle fruit much because i'm allergic to most of it and even touching it sends my psoriasis into overdrive with an itchy, hurting rash.

it's worked for us and it's made THIS mom a whole lot less frazzled, AND i have groceries in the house.

eileen

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 9:10am
How about the "tight-a$$ wohm" comment to laura_w2? She's hardly militant anything. She believes either option is valid as do most of the WOHMs on this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 9:19am
But it seems as though you guys have found a balance that you are both happy with, and that is great. I just get irked by blanket statements about what it is like to WOH (or SAH for that matter) because no two families are alike and you can't make broad generalisations about what is or is not possible with either model. Neither I nor dh are top management material, never have been, never will be and never wanted to be...we both like being part of the hands-on lab world too much. And given a choice between more money and the relaxed life-style we have, we'd choose the life-style, but again, that is just us. I am betting that there are plenty of people who thrive much better on a more fast-paced lifestyle than ours. Having a minimal commute has always been a higher priority for us than more money..it is one of the main reasons why, as often as I get homesick, we'll never move back to California. Again, that isn't everyone's way of prioritising.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 9:26am
Thanks! That comment kind of blew me away since I was hardly attacking anyone, just putting out a different perspective on the idea of "downtime" based on my experiences as both a SAHM and a WOHM with my particular kids. I'd have a hard time being militant anything on this board given that I have done both for quite a long time (and was VERY happy in both roles) :-).


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 9:39am
I admit I am spoiled. We have stayed on the cape and the beach in RI and we used to do some of the CT beaches, but once we moved to FL, I can't do NE beaches anymore. We rented a cottage on Misquamicut several years ago, and the kids hated it. THey wouldn't go in the water.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 9:46am
But you're posting as though what is true about SAH parenting for you will always and automatically be true for everyone everywhere. Else why all the claims that having a SAHP will always make things easier on the rest of the families?

You can't have it both ways, you know. You can't be claiming that your best, ideal situation is universal when in the next breath you claim it's unique to you alone (particularly after you've been refuted.) Pick one, but you can't claim both and expect it to go unchallenged here.

and despite your snarky little remark about "We don't all have those nice little 8-4 jobs with the 15 minute commutes that everyone here keeps telling me about..." you seem to feel your points about the benefits of SAH become automatically applicable generally, when in fact the REAL issues of your lifestyle are self-imposed, (i.e. "not if we want the same level of career and income.") Okay, so you CHOSE DELIBERATELY a lifestyle that requires certain kinds of sacrifice from you both in terms of income, career, time available to give the kind of parenting to your kids that you want to give. You CHOSE for your dh to work excessively to the point that there is no backup for you. YOu CHOSE to live in one of the most expensive areas of the country, far from your dh's job. You CHOSE all those things that now mean SAH is the best choice for YOUR family, but many of the rest of us not only DIDN'T choose that lifestyle, we don't even want it. Your generalized comments about SAHParenting aren't applicable in the generalized context you keep trying to place them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 10:11am
Who said it was universal? I sure didn't.

Gee, doncha think that any family with a SAHP chose that route because it's best FOR THEM? Or do you suppose they do it because someone on a message board tells them it's better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 10:13am
we went up to the cape 2 summers ago. jenna was 5. she took one look at the waves (3-4 feet high) and FREAKED out -- screaming and crying. so what does a good mom do? left her on the blanket (in visual contact), told her not to move -- and went in the water. Soooo cold..and when the waves raced back out my feet stung from all the rocks being dragged backwards. Oh, yeah, and it knocked me right on my A$$, LOL! However, it was a pleasant departure from that which we get in CT (especially south western CT).

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 10:16am
I agree, that's why I won't woh ft, so our lifestyle can stay relaxed.

Oh, and as far as the downtime thing and kids, I think it depends on the child. I have (had) to active, high energy boys. No such thing as downtime for them they had to be on the go, all the time.

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