Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 8:59pm
Nice evasive maneuver now how about some examples of the positives associated with having a SAHP? I can and have given examples of how WOH can be a positive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 9:07pm
When did I ever say it's in the bag for me? Nope. I'm just stacking the deck any way I can. The added income I bring home allows for things like early music training (associated with better math/science ability later on), living in a better neighborhood and going to better schools, the luxury of growing up in a household that doesn't know the meaning of financial stress and having a dad who works 35 hours a week instead of 65 because he's not the sole breadwinner and doesn't have to put in face time to keep his position secure. Are those things guarantees? No but they're well worth the effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 9:09pm
Um, look at the census data. On average, WM's are improving their family's finances. Does that mean it's true for all? No, of course not but it's true for enough of us that it shows up as a significant increase in income when both parents work. Whether your working would make a difference, I can't say. I can only say what the current crop of WM's are doing and they are making a difference, as a class. Are they all? Pretty safe bet not but enough are. Woudl it make a difference if you did? Only you can say. Not every mom is capable of making a difference here.

I really wish they didn't correct for family income when they compare SAHM's and WM's. Our incomes can matter a lot to our families yet it's treated as if it doesn't. They compare SAHM's and WM's with the same financial situation but they wouldn't likely have the same financial situation if the WM didn't work. I can expect my kids to do as well as kids having a SAHM and the same finances we do but reality is you need to compare me to a SAHM who has the income we'd have if I SAH. That would mean little in the way of college savings, growing up in a household that was living hand to mouth, living in not so nice a neighborhood, going to lesser schools and no frills like early musical traning. I think that makes a difference. No guarantees but I think the odds are in my favor.


Edited 12/23/2003 9:14:12 PM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 9:27pm
It was meant to be light-hearted,because my personal peeve is when celeb moms are asked how they "do it",and I had just read something about Kelly Ripa along those lines...I have no doubt you are a great teacher and a great mom,and I truly did not mean anything by it..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 9:39pm
I wasn't sneering.

I don't agree with Cindy on many of her views, but I do agree with her assertation that people who can't afford children without assistance should wait to have them until they can. Your oldest daughter is 4? That means your husband was 22 when you had her. Surely you both couldn've waited a good 5 years or more to start your family, when you were more established, more experienced and in a better place financially.

What's the rush? I can't say I'd want to live in military housing, but my dh and I waited 13 years after we met and 6 years after we married to start a family, so we didn't need to struggle. I was 30 years old when my first was born, and it was planned that way. We saved and waited until we were ready, including financially ready.

I just think people should do a bit more planning before making the single biggest decision of their lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 9:53pm
Speaking of views i disagree with....

There are many, many ways my family benefitted from my being home. I don't have time to list them all but...my children did not have to be woken up and achlepped off to DC, my husband never had to worry about the grocery store, errands, making dinner, housework, who was watching his children, we never were concerned if the children were being properly cared for - don't tell me children in DC are never neglected abused or simply paid too little attention to, that would be insulting my intelligence, it happens. None of the juggling p&j mentioned, no worries about taking off work with a sick child, being able to take the children on all kinds of outings, being able to exclusively BF for an extended time, simply giving my children the comfort of having someone of loves them deeply with them all the time, did you read my previous post? It would save me all this retyping, I listed quite a few benefits but you conveniently ignored them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 9:58pm
I find it sad that you see no value in time you spend with your children.

Why not just breed and send them all to an institution if time spent with one's children is worthless?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:07pm
Get real. A wohm can be a benefit to a family if her working means the difference between eating or going hungry, or having a roof over one's head or not, or being able to send the kids to college or not.

What if mom working only means the difference between driving a mini-van and a mercedes? living in a 2,000 square foot house or a 4,000 sg ft. house? Driving to the beach for vacation or the French Riviera? Going to a state school vs. private?

If you think the latter is worth giving up hours and hours of time with one's parents for, I feel sorry for you and your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:08pm
...handing you the flame retardant suit I needed when I wrote the same thing, along with a copy of "Brave New World"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:09pm
"Moms level of education, SES and dads involvement to name three. All three of which can be positively influenced by moms WOH. However, all things being equal (they seldom are) SAH/WOH makes little difference."

How does Dad's level of involvement with children have to do with WOH/SAH status?

Mary


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