Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:58pm
Statistically speaking, dads are more involved when mom WOH. In our case, dh works 35 hours a week instead of 50 somewhere sweatting bullets that he'll be on the next lay off list because we're entirely dependent on him. We're on the extreme end of the involved daddy because mom WOH scale. If I didn't work, dh would have to take a corporate job and jump when they said to jump in order to keep it secure. Dh works, at least 15 fewer hours per week becuase I WOH. He has no need to work OT or to put in face time to put in appearances or attempt to climb the corporate ladder. Neither do I. I work a 42 hour work week (counting lunches). That's on the light side for an enineer. 50+ is the norm but since I'm not the sole breadwinner, the burden doesn't fall solely on my job so I don't have to worry about face time or working OT either. Of course, the flip side is I don't get big raises or promotions either but I don't need them or OT to live. I turned down OT for the week between Christmas and New Years. It's nice to be in position to not have to think about turning down $2500 in OT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:59pm
Who's selling their kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:03am
You're confusing arguments here. SAH being beneficial and WOH not being worth it are two totally different things. We're talking about whether or not SAH is equated with some benefit not situations where WOH simply isn't worth it. WOH can have benefits when you consider the financial ramifications as it does in my case. I can't think of any particular benefit to SAH. I can see why some prefer it even though it is not my preference but preferring something doesn't mean it's beneficial.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:11am
I have to agree with the juggle stress. It is worse the more children you have. With one we could both easily work and juggle the family, with two I have been back to work for about 6 months now, and the juggling of a grade schooler and a preschooler is difficult to say the least. We can do it, but it is a pain. My DH is going to cut back his hours sooner than we expected so that the family life is easier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:14am
And how did these benefit your kids. Take just the first one. Your kids didn't get woken up and schlepped off to dc. This benefitted them because? _______________________. What evidence to you see of this benefit?

No you don't have to worry about the kind of care your kids recieve but you're kidding yourself if you think moms never have bad day or need a break from their kids.

I know my kids benefit from my WOH because we live in a better neighborhood where they can run and play and get plenty of exercise outside. They go to better schools, where they're getting a better education. I see evidence of how my WOH has benefitted my kids every time my 6 yo sits down to play the piano (we could not have afforded Yamaha school if I had SAH). I've watched her breeze through addition, subtraction and multiplication (she's not quite ready for division yet.) largely because she's used to performing aritemetic operations in her head necessary to read music and keep time. She has an intuitive knowledge of how to divide up a measure or beat and which notes/rests add up to which others. I can see evidence of the benefits I've given my kids. I'm curious as to what the evidence of the benefits of SAH are?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:20am
Actually, I agree with you. I just happen to think that if something is a benefit you should be able to say why. You should be able to say, because I did ________, ________ happened and _________ is better than __________ because ___________. Financial improvements that WOHM's bring to their family are a benefit. For some it's the difference between having the necessities of life or doing without. For others, like me, it's an issue of significantly raising the family's standard of living. Usually, when I ask what the benefits of SAH are I get told things like "the kids don't have to get up and go to dc" and dh doesn't have to worry about the kids....Nice but what's the actual benefit here. Now I can understand why someone would prefer these things but I just don't see them as beneficial because I've seen no harm in my kids getting up and going to dc or in dh haveing to help our with things like sick child care because I WOH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:23am
If you look at the data on the income improvements when mom WOH, you'll see I'm in good company. As a class, WM's are making, significant, contributions to their families financial well being. I have plenty of company here. I think I can say that most of us do positively affect our families finances. Can't say we all do but most do.

BTW, saying most WM's are positively affecting their families financial situation speaks nothing to what SAHM's would do if they WOH. It only speaks to the current class of WM's and what they are accomplishing. I think it's a pretty reasonable assumption that the current class of SAHM's would have less impact because, statistically speaking, dh's who have SAHW's earn more and it's logical to think that women who earned less would be more likely to opt out of the work force. I am NOT saying that SAHM's would realize the same improvements or that they gave them up to SAH. I'm saying that I'm in good company in the positively impact my family becuase I WOH dept.

It makes sense to me that the more your working matters to your family, the more likely you are to WOH and vice versa. I am by no means alone in benefitting my family via WOH. As a class WM's are improving their family's financial situation. Now how that plays out is very individual. I've stated how it plays out for us.




Edited 12/24/2003 12:30:23 AM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:50am
I didn't say my DH saw WMD and even if he did I doubt he'd tell me. Although I can say that he did see torture chambers that had been used for chemical torture (airtight room, chemicals still there--not IN the room, but ready to be used) and various electrocusion (sp?) chairs in various rooms. This was in a university building.

And just so you don't doubt my saying my DH was in Iraq, his battalion served very close to the 3ID during the war and cleared the way for ground troops to actually move into Iraq. He was there for 6 months.

And, what I meant in my other post was that sometimes the government has their own timeline for releasing information. I would not be surprised if something has been found but the government is making doubly sure of what it was before releasing any information.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:55am

With WMD. . .I just can't see them NOT releasing it. . .just can't see it happening. . .look how fast the news about Saddam's capture and the deaths of Uday and Qusai got out. . .and I'm supposed to believe that the ONE thing that would MOST justify the administrations policy on Iraq is being kept secret. . .doubt it highly.


My dh has been there 8 months on Saturday (our oldest dd's 13th birthday) and we STILL don't have an official return date. . .though we suspect that it'll be in late February or early March making a total tour of 10+ months.


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 12:58am
You misread my question. I was asking if you (or the studies) were basing the end result on tangible things such as college savings, nice houses, etc. I realize that there are tons of well adjusted kids who have WOHPs.

I am just curious because both DH and I grew up with WOHMs and we both wished we had had more time to spend with our moms during the younger years. That's one of the main reasons I WAH.


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