Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:02am
Spare me the hurt feelings.

You claim over and over and over again how sah is of no benefit to children. Constantly, ad nauseum. If that's the case, I wonder why we parent our children at all. Perhaps as a society we should breed and send our children to be raised by the professionals. After all, you keep droning on about how SAH with one's children doesn't enhance, improve or benefit them in anyway at all, only improved SES does.

And for those with really good jobs, they could send their offspring to the topnotch institutions. What a concept.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:04am
less stress, better quality of life, consistency in care. Those are all pretty tangible. Doesnt mean they cannot be accomplished with woh too-but then there the things you qualify as benefit to woh are not solely condusive to woh either. Plenty of families with a sahp have all the things and opportunities you list as benefits for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Again, it depends on the family.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:08am
I agree. There are no afterschool programs for ages 12 and over in our town. And only one small program for about 20 children for those younger than 12 for that matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:09am
I also think it would be pretty difficult to force a 16yo to go to the *swim club* or whatever every day after school for 3 hrs. Most older kids are insulted by the thought of daycare-easier on their egos to just go home and have mom *happen* to be there.

My dd went to Boys and girls club one summer, it has a program for kids up to age 13 (there really is NOTHING here for over that age). But the kid/adult ratio was at the limit legally, which meant these kids were NOT watched well. They were given a lot of autonomy, and got into a lot of trouble. Kids out back smoking, etc. Thats the other thing too-the older the child is, the less of a ratio there has to be legally. Which means that these older kids really arent getting much in the way of supervision.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:36am
Children arent raised by daycare. They are raised by their parents. Having loving devoted parents is what counts not whether they work or not. However if the 2nd income makes a significant difference in that families's standard of living, it is defintely is a plus for the whole family.

Even if the family is comfortable on one salary, what happens when Dad is downsized at 47 and cant find a job making anywhere near what he was making before? I have seen this happen to friends/family and whether mom works makes a huge difference at that point. In an extreme case, my mom met a man who later commited suicide after he had lost his executive postion and was on the verge of losing his house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:37am
Actually, it's a very popular place for teens, because it's an athletic complex. They have a swim team (which has spawned olympic gold medalist Brooke Bennet) and a dive team (where many olympians have trained, including the entire chinese diving team). They also have a gymnastic teams and rythmic gymnastics (again, champions train there). Plus it;s kind of like a poor-man's country club, lol, where you can have a family membership and just hang out by the pool or drop your kids off if they are old enough. It has a consession stand where the kids can get a hamburger or a candybar. There is a ton of stuff to do for both kids and adults, ranging from karate and aerobics to a tutor program and a preschool. Dd was on the gym team, attended summer camp theer and this year she will be a camp counselor. The owners are a great couple who saw a need in teh community for a place like this. The place is crawling with teens daily, from the various lessons and teens to afterschool care. It's a really cool place. I neevr had a problem getting my 13 yera old to go. She loved it.

Susan

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:41am
I was home alone from 3-5 everyday from age 14 on, I never tried pot or drank or got in any trouble. My parents taught me certain values which I upheld whether they were physically present or not. However, my neighbors who had SAHM's did try drugs. If a kid is going to get in trouble, having a SAHM doesnt make any difference
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:42am
"I can't think of any particular benefit to SAH."

We know that. I've told you over and over again how it benefitted my family, yet you continue to ignore my responses. You're incapable of even trying to understand why some people feel that sah is beneficial to their families.

There's no point in debating an issue with a person who can't or won't even try acknowledge a sah's reasons. You could at least give a person enough respect to try to see things their way, but you won't.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:43am
The 24 x 7 thing just kills me. How is not have a job equivalent to spending 24 x 7 with one's kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:43am
I never said it did, but statistically speaking, kids who DO try drugs, alcohol and become sexually active early DO tend to do so during the hours of 3-6pm. I dont think its coincidental that those are also traditional latchkey hours, do you?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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