Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 9:59pm
< I've lived poor but my kids never knew when we were having trouble making the house payment.>

Again, you wanna make a bet? I knew when my father couldn't make out house payments when I was growing up, I knew why we moved out of a decent neighborhood into a lesser one. No I didn't say anything to my parents, but I knew and I was only 6 years old. One doesn't "allow" their children to know these things...kids aren't stupid. They have feelings and they can sense when there is trouble. Maybe you forgot how to sense it, I never did. Then can tell when the phone calls from those the parents owe money to start coming in. They can feel the stress and THEY feel it worse because they know they are too young to DO anything about it. Again, I am lucky in that my daughter is old enough to understand and old enough to know that she can experess herself, and lucky to know that she has a couple of good "jobs" that afford her to get the things she enjoys rather than having to have mom tell her "not this month". It's kind of hard to hide the fact that there isn't as much money as there used to be when there is only one gift under the tree...you don't have to SAY anything. They know when a parent is up half the night trying to figure out who is going to get paid and how...luckily my situation hasn't gotten that far but I remember my parents being up doing just that. Maybe you don't think they know it or you've talked yourself in to believing they don't know...they do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:10pm
Very well said and I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:27pm
Sweets when did the mom board turn politcal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:57pm
Cyndluagain Plantar fascia is the fancy word for heel spurs. Hello you can reduce them simply if you have a walking cast wear that at night. Wear good shoes with firm arches. Also you can soak your feet in warm water. Also if you use a tennis ball or a ruber ball and roll your feet in your socks you will work that out. Also any anti inflamatory.

How do I know this I have that most people get this. This is very common yes it is painful.

But lots of people have that just like they have my autoimmune diseases and guess what some of the things above doesn't cause big bucks. Unless you have the orthopedic surgeon go in and connect the rubber band mucle then you have other issues.


And guess what your mother in law may have bought other body parts and what have you and yes it's prolonged her life however; if her body rejects those parts what good are they.

And by the way if you received I don't know what the term is for it for medicaid medical but you would be covered to see the orthopedic doctor however; your citing those cortisone shots that deteriate and delinate the problem long term use of those shots means your not gonna walk on that foot. That is why alternative measures are advised such as physical therapy which I gave you at the beginning of the post.

And those don't cost very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:09pm
Outside the box since you love to research can you explain to me why in my daughter's class then why the other children didn't do so hot in kindergarten according to your theory it was cause their mother's were not intelligent and I am just wondering cause they all were stay at home mother's not working outside of the house. And like I said I was a working parent and my child coming out of that kindergarten class that could read? An it wasn't because of the teacher introducing things. These children were stuck at abc defghijklmnop. And for the tuition I paid I expected way more and that my child wouldn't be held back by the lack of progress from the other children. It was a pitiful site.

During her elementary years we went to the local library for story hour these same children were in basic books not moving on to chapter books which I had addressed with the teachers, principal an other parents however; they wanted the name of the school and it's symbolism in the community.

So I am wondering since they stayed home and I worked and my child faired way farther academically and still does why that was? Was it because I was able to introduce and pay for educational things, trips, and books and supplies????????? Or was it because I utilized my time with my child to focus on academics what is the cause. Cause I clearly wasn't a stay at home?????/

The research you did you used to show your point supporting your argument for staying home, however; do the research showing the opposite? Also both of those sources you provided give generalities and each persons situation is individualistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:21pm
So basically what would you do if your child god forbid came down with a serious illness that basically she would need assistance ie with bathroom, feeding and a whole host of things, from academic to body. Would you then say you would still work full time? And shift that off on a caregiver or daycare????/ Or what if your child is struggling in school work do you pass the buck and say they should simply as the teacher, or hire a tutor when all it would take it is for you to work with your child a brief time after school? The interaction and spending time is what the child is looking for.

However how you are coming off is as uncaring, aloof and like your children's feeling do not matter to you or what they want. And with that attitude I am wondering why you bothered to have children if that is the case? Are you purposely being on hard on them so that they are hard or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:24pm
And all that means is they wish they'd had the luxury of being able to SAH. I wish I had the luxury of lots of things but that doesn't mean I need them or that they would have been better. I just means I would have liked them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:27pm
Wanna bet? If a kid wants to do something, they will regardless of moms working status. Show me some evidence that mom at home reduces drug usage or promiscuity. Sitting down to dinner as a family nightly does. Attending church does. An involved father does. But I've never read a thing that mom at home reduces anything.


Edited 12/26/2003 11:22:59 AM ET by cyndluagain
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:31pm
It's done all the time here. This particular discussion is about what benefits the kids. I asked for evidence of the benefit. As usual, this argument drops to what's best for the kids when it should be what works for the family. As I said, if all my WOH did was alleviate financial stress, I'd do it in spite of the fact I don't see that as a particular benefit to my kids since I don't make them party to my financial woes.

My ss's never knew my bank balance because they didn't need to know how tight things really were. While our financial situation did affect them because it limited what was available to them, the stress was dh's and mine to deal with. That's just not something you heap on your kids. It's bad enough if mom and dad get ulcers. The kids don't need them too and it serves no purpose to let them in on the degree of difficulty of your finances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:35pm
Nope. Being aware of something and stressing over it are two different things. The boys grew up with their dad and I reassuring them that we'd take care of everything and we did. That's all they ever needed to know. I'd never dream of whining about my finances to my kids. Yes, I'm sure they were aware we had troubles but not the degree and they, certainly, never knew that there were times that we risked losing the house. Dss#2 was quite surprised to learn that we were officially forclosed at one point. Our mortgage was through a savings and loan and they had to file forclosure due to govt regulations but they were really nice about it. They told us that the law told them they had to file but didn't tell them when they had to take us to court and evict us. They gave us a year to get our finances in order and we did.

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