Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:38pm
Oh I do. However, stress affects longer term health. The issue brought up was that I'd live longer with less stress. That might be true but that doesn't affect my kids now. It will probably have more impact on my grand kids than my kids. And, as I noted, having the financial means to obtain medical treatment also goes a long way towards increasing longevity as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 11:51pm
Gee, maybe I should send my podiatrist to see you, lol. He seems to think it's a fancy word for damage to the plantar ligament!

Where'd you get your medical degree?? No, I don't have heel spurs. I have a separation of the ligaments. Though my doctor did note that many people mistakenly call plantar fascia heel spurs. The separation results in a loss of cushion for the heel (in my case, I don't know that it always manifests this way) and small tears in the ligament itself (which is what causes most of the pain), hence the silicone injections. I could go the surgical route but the surgery scar could prove more painful than my current condition. According to my doctor, I'm not a candidate for a night brace but maybe I should send him to talk to you, lol. If all goes well, what is being done will take care of this condition, if not, eventually, I'll get bad enough to have my plantar ligament detached, my leg put in a cast and the ligament allowed to reattach and risk the scar but I'm not there yet. Oh, and I've seen two doctors. Neither of whom thinks I should be in a night brace.

Oh, here's a description of the surgery from WEBMD. Note the part about IF a heel spur is present, it may be removed... I don't have a heel spur to be removed.

<<
The plantar fascia may be detached from the heel bone, or incisions may be made on either side to release tension.

Bone surface may be removed and smoothed to allow the plantar fascia to heal under less tension. Sometimes a small wedge of damaged tissue is removed.

The thickest part of a foot muscle (abductor hallucis) may also be freed to prevent nerves from becoming trapped as a result of the surgery. If a heel spur is present, it may be removed. >>


And BTW, I've been advised to use ICE not warm water. Heat aggravates the pain. The ice helps the swelling. My current course of treatment is injections, ice and N-SAIDS for the swelling and avoiding walking barefoot on hard surfaces. So far so good. The pain has gone down a lot. I can actually get up after sitting for a while and NOT feel like someone is stabbing a red hot poker into my heel. Just the thought of soaking my foot in warm water makes me cringe. I can hardly stand to be in the shower.


Edited 12/26/2003 5:21:14 PM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 12:26am
Ugh, my whole point is that when my kids are grown I do not want to look back and regret not SAH while they were little. I figured that by the time the kids are in school I will be 31 and that will still give me plenty of time for a career is I so choose.

I wasn't speaking of tangible benefits, just regrets. I think on the benefits of SAH vs. WOH we are at an impass. You list the financial benefits of your WOH and for our family those are simply not important. I think what it boils down to when deciding to WOH or SAH

is an individual family's beliefs and values. Each of us feels that different factors are what's important. To me the main deciding factor is that my DS wants me home with him and that has never changed over the last 5 years. As much as he loved his DC he was very vocal that he really wanted to be home with mom. The fact that I've been able to teach him basic math and how to read are the benefits of our decision. With his learning style it would have been very hard to put him a a preschool that could have taught him in a way that he could learn this quickly.

Mary


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 12:35am
Better that than looking at your current situation and regretting being a burden to your kids because you never planned for retirement. While SAH would be a nice luxury, so will not having to ask my kids for help when I'm old. The trick is to make the most of the time you have regardless of how much/little that is. SAH is no guarantee you'll spend your time wisely. I know more than one SAHM who spends more energy trying to get a break from her kids than on her kids. There is a such thing as too much of a good thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 1:23am
>>Better that than looking at your current situation and regretting being a burden to your kids because you never planned for retirement. While SAH would be a nice luxury, so will not having to ask my kids for help when I'm old. >>

Once again this would be on a case by case basis. I will only be 31 when my youngest ds starts school and we will be in a place financially where everything I make can go towards college funds and retirement funds. So, by SAH I am not risking being a burden to my kids.

Mary


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 1:41am
Ahhhh but no one knows what is going to happen down the road. I could have retired 10 years ago with a pretty tidy sum if I would have stayed here in California almost 15 years ago. Ten years ago I would have had 20 years of service with the State of California and yes almost 15 years ago I was looking forward to that. However, my now soon to be ex was in the milityar and almost 15 years ago we were transfered back to New York. He knew I wasn't happy with the move and that I was thinking about staying here with my daughter while he returned to New York, so he made me a promise that the transfer would only be for 5 years. Had we returned after 5 years I could have gone back to work for the State without loosing everything in the way of time accumulated, vacation and sick leave. So I went along with the move. Of course the 5 years came and went, then 10 then he decided to retire right where we were and discussed none of it with me. So now, here I am back home after I saved up enough to get me here I lost the time I had with the state and returned to work at the bottom of the ladder, furloughed last May due to the budget crunch and won't be returning until next Spring, for now I'm working temporary positions to pay the rent etc...You never know what is going to hit you until it does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 4:27am
gha: since when did being a mom mean detaching one's brain and pretending one lives in a cocoon where politics and the ramifications of political behavior (or selfish, greedy behavior badly disguised as political behavior, in this case) don't affect Moms and the world in which they live and raise their children?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 8:58am
How ridiculous. Again cindy, just because your family couldn't live financially stressfree on one income doesn't mean everyone's family can't.

Cocoapop's husband is a surgeon, I'm quite sure her staying home isn't causing them any financial stress. I'm quite sure her staying home only contributes to her family's quality of life.

We aren't all in YOUR situation, can't you understand that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 9:08am
Maybe they are smarter, we have no way of knowing whether they would have been affected negatively by DC now do we?

I know one thing, I am happier, less stressed (especially when I was home fulltime when they were small), and so was my husband. No juggling, no rushing, no worries about who was going to stay home with a sick child, no worries about vacation coverage, no worries about whether i was spending enough time with the boys.

Whatever cindi, I happen to think my state of mind and dispostition count, I and my children had a wonderful time in their early years going to the beach, museums, parks EVERY DAY rather than going to the same 4 walls. Maybe they won't score higher on their SAT's because of it, but you know what, I don't care, that's not why we did it.

Try living in the moment rather than viewing everything by the end result, it's all about the journey, not the destination.

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