Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:09am
I'm saying that parents can do a good job of making sure their stresses don't impact their kids. If you complain to your kids about your situation, yes, you'll stress them out about it too. Just because kids are aware of their parents stress does not make it a negative in their lives. This depends more on the parents ability to cope than anything else and if they're not coping there are some really good prescriptions to help them cope. You're trying to tell the wrong person that parental stress translates into negative results for kids. I happen to suffer from an anxiety disorder. I know first hand that whether or not kids feel stressed when parents feel stressed depends on how the parents deal with the stress around their kids. This is not an issue of how much stress is in your life nearly as much as it is how you deal with the stress in your life. If you don't deal with it well and if you don't deal with it well, there is help for the asking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:09am
And I had a healthy retirment fund which in those days amounted to what employers now offer as a 401k plan. I had BEFORE there was such a thing...but because I was out of state service for more than 10 years I lost it. Saving? Yes I did save but in the course of those 10 years I was also helping to pay a mortgage, making car/insurance payments and helping my family. Just because family finances aren't as importnat to some people as retirement doesn't mean they're not for others. I prefered to help keep my family financially stable and my young daughter from having to wonder about whether she'd have a home or not. Those were MY Priorities at that time. Not my retirement. And I really wasn't complaining about having to work until I die...it is just a fact that I COULD have retired 10 years ago had I not made the choices I made. And THAT is what life is all about...our own individual choices not passing judgement on someone else because they choose something other than what we have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:14am
I was agreeing with you there. One never knows what will happen. For this reason, I choose to not take chances with my future. Fortunately, I'm not being asked to. SAH, however, would be big risk with my future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:18am
Nope, just because something is ASSumed to be the ideal doesn't mean it is. Without some kind of evidence as to something being better, you just can't say it is even if you do have the initials PhD after your name.

Studies on SAH/WOH correct for SES. They compare moms as if the income that WM's bring in is irrelevent. When they do, they find little in the way of actual differences in our kids. What would happen if instead of comparing me to a mom who has what I have without working you were to compare me to a mom who has what I would have without working who isn't working? I'd bet you'd see that I'm improving my kids lives. They separate out finances because they know it matters.

Sorry, but you're going to have to show me some kind of evidence that we should accept SAH as the ideal. I don't believe it is so quoting people who start from this ASSumption isn't going to sway me one bit. From what I've read/seen, finances are a bigger influence than moms working status by a long shot.

Research does not support SAH as even being better let alone the ideal. Nor does it show WOH to be a negative. Hmmm? If it doesn't show SAH to be better or WOH to be worse WHY should we ASSume that SAH is the ideal??? Addmittedly, it does sell books and make doctors who preach it rich, lol.




Edited 12/26/2003 11:22:22 AM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:31am
Sure I did. The children in dc who were effected (mainly shy children according to the last link) had levels that rose during the day. The fact they rose is the problem, not how high they went. The research has clearly shown that there is a direct correlation between RISING cortisol levels and various physical and mental disorders.

Perhaps you could post some data that contradicts this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:35am
I never said it necessarily did, I never mentioned MOM at all. I said that having a parent home during the 3-6p latchkey hours meant that a child was not left to their own devices, and having a parent home was a good deterrent towards a kid getting into trouble. Never said that it was a guarantee, nor did I say other factors did not matter.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:38am
Cyndi, where did I say that working women didnt impact their families finances? The ONLY thing I have consistently said is that having dual working parents is NOT an across the board benefit to EVERY family. Some families benefit by having dual wohs, some benefit by having a parent at home. It depends on the family, their dynamic, and yes of course, their finances.

Why do you have to constantly look at it so black and white? You make debating difficult because you tend to read things into posts that just arent there.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:39am
LOL, arent you the one who said if kids want to do something, they will? If thats the case, *keeping them busy* isnt going to matter much.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:54am
And the thing that I don't get is that I posted a very detailed list of exactly what kinds of benefits (and they were even clear material benefits) my family gained from the years of having me as a SAHP, and the post got completely ignored (see post 603, in case any one is interested). Yes, the benefits were particular to my family and circumstances, but isn't that the point? Each family is different and no benefits to be gained from either dual WOHPs or having a SAHP is going to be across the board true for every single family. I can imagine that our particular situation was a bit unusual, but I absolutely can't believe that we were unique in having clear benefits to be gained from having a SAHP.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 12:07pm
It isn't. I was being sarcastic.

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