Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
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Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
| Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am |
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.
Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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As far as dealing with children. I have taught preschool. I have worked running youth programs with our associate minister. I have worked with every age group. And I have worked with a great deal of children through my volunteer experience. On top of babysit the neighbor's boy who has adhd. In addition babysit a friends 4 children the daughter 12 has adhd.
The thing of it is you have to keep everyone on a schedule and consise and planned out and activities so that they do not lose interest. Your temperment has to be one where you can take so much. When I was younger I dealt better with those with Adhd I now prefer to work with children who do not have this but other disorders. I do not teach at the present time.
I have a child of my own and we work daily on either school work she has received from school or what overall at her age she should be acquiring in addition to approaching subjects from the next year. As for children wanting help from their parents. It's not a question it's not a debate. You are your child's best teacher. They can learn from you heaps. They can test the waters and say oh I want such and such to teach me but that is a control issue. If you say to them I am going to present the material to you and do it in a way that is fun or innovative then they don't give you the problems that you descrbed.
My brother attended Sylvan for over 6 years he had a learning disability the school system passed on my mother enabled him by doing his course work for him while making the rest of us do our own work and helped quiz us, or question us or never giving us the answer but with him it was different due to his disability. No most of the parents I run into think it's the teacher's job to teach their children and do not lift a finger to encourage or to help their child to succeed. There are many dedicated parents that do but there is a large segment that isn't.
It's as easy as when they are little reading to them and having them read back one line to you. Or playing Hi Ho Cherio and having them to learn to count. Or even a older child learning order of operations playing 24. Or encouraging the library, or writing simple things. Or checking home work.
If your child is struggling in school I am one that advocates you find what areas they are weak in and you work on them at home in addition to what they are getting there are so many hours at school and to get a concept some children it takes longer to get.
Yes I have I helped raise my younger siblings and yes I do know about middle school and high school and college and the amount of time that you put in . Homework is about an hour a subject if they can get it longer if not . I have stayed up wee hours of the morning with my child and siblings to help them with projects, papers the works.
As for the adhd, I have babysat my neighbor's boy who has severe adhd, and a young lady who was way better than the neighbor boy who lived at my house cause dad was working and mom just simply left them remarried and didn't have time for him. And he took medication which didn't help. He could try a saint patience. When it came down to it he needed behavior modification big time. What he couldn't get away with at my house he got away with at home an that is okay if your not watching him. He needed structure, diet change, and alot of supervision which dad there wasn't going to give him and maybe dad was tired and worked all day and the list goes on on an on but that is what that child needed.
As for the girl she was a dream. We had dinner at a certain time, home work certain time she knew if she wanted to roller blade or do anything certain things had to be accomplished.
As for teaching yes I have taught. Do I do it now, not exactly I will come in and do specials. Like topics when I have the time and I am up to it. An I work with a great deal of children in my volunteering with education programs that are structured.
As for the child in the front of the post. If that was my child I would be hands on and you didn't mention if you were married or not, but if you are then your husband could supply the health insurance. And I would be with my child . Even if I didn't have a husband I would be making sure my child would be cared for 100 % that meant education down to care. Maybe I would get tired. On top of that you just said that "
Yet another reason was to keep our family as "normal" as possible -- and not allow her disorder to take over every aspect of our family life (especially since we have 2 other children). Additionally, her degenerative path is fairly long (prognosis is generally 5-10 years, but we know quite a few children who have lived until their early/mid teens) and i could not see staying home that long and deep-sixing my career like that.
That you didn't want the child with the neurological condition to take over every aspect of your family life excuse me. This child is sick with a condition she didn't ask for or could help. Yet you want to save the rest of the family that is cruel. This child according to you has only till early mid teens to live and you don't want that disrupting the family an you don't want to deep six your career. Wake up and smell the coffee you have been blessed to have this child in your life and if I was you I along with my two other children and husband would spend as much time as possible with this child. I wouldn't be complaining about the care or how tired I would be getting look how tired she is and how young she is.
This is too upsetting. I can not believe you are taking this stance I hope you wake up before it's too late. I am not telling you to be a stay at home mom what I am saying is that each moment is precious with our children and especially when they are sick and you can work later. Right now your child needs you to be there.
As for the post it was meant for Cyndu who was hard nosed and comes off as not putting her children in any regard.
As for me I do my priorities are this God, Family(ie child then siblings,aunts, uncles and their families) then work. I am sorry but that is the way it is.
I was also a "backstage" mom during 6 preformances and countless rehersals of "The NutCracker" when my daughter was a preformer is said ballet at the age of 6. I also attended every Kung Fu seminar she had with Grand Master Lily Lau and I have HUNDREDS of photos to prove that. I was there when my daughter visited Keuka Lake the summer after she had seen "The Little Mermaid" and she found a rock she could "bodysurf" onto just like Ariel so she would sing "Part of your world" as she did so. I was there when my daughter got up on water skis for the first time and I was there when she took her first tube ride behind a boat. I was there when took her test for her driver's permit and just recently I was there while her highschool drama club preformed for the local Shriner's Children's Hospital Burn ward...Now tell me What have I missed? I was there when my daughter took her first steps...said her first word, said her first curse word, spoke on the telephone to her father in Sicily for the first time, I was there to paint her face and help her with her costume for EVERY Halloween for the past 17 years. I have been there for every first day of school and I cried when she told me to stay in the driveway while she caught the bus by herself the first day of kindergarten. I was there when her preschool had it's "graduation" I still have her cap and gown. I was there when she graduated elementary school and Jr. Higschool. I was the one who took her to her first "boy girl" dance at school. I was there for every basketball game during her 4th and 5th grades of elementary school. I was there for every soccer game during 6th grade. I was there when she was in the Homecoming parade last year. I'm still trying to figure out what it is I was supposed to have missed while I was a wohm...Oh yeah I was there the first time she played a video game, I was there when she figured out the Rubix Cube. I was there when she wrote her first short story about her guineapig, in fact I was there the day we rescued him...we found him in a box on the side of the road with another guineapig we later gave away. I was there when she got her kitten Charmin, I was there when she got her dog Sadie. I was there when she decided to use the potty for the first time. I was there when she used the microwave for the first time. I was there when she used the oven for the first time...need I go on and on and on? So tell me where has my time with my daughter suffered because I am on occasiona wohm? And tell me what I have missed.
"The plantar fascia is a broad band of fibrous tissue which runs along the bottom surface of the foot, attaching at the bottom of the heel bone and extending to the forefoot."
http://www.foot.com/info/cond_plantar_fasciitis.jsp
"The plantar fascia is a thick, broad, inelastic band of fibrous tissue that courses along the bottom (plantar surface) of the foot."
http://www.arthroscopy.com/sp09001.htm
"The plantar fascia is a broad ligament-like structure that extends from the heel bone to the base of the toes, acting like a thick rubberband on the bottom arch of the foot. "
http://www.scoi.com/plantar.htm
"The plantar fascia originates from the calcaneus and stretches along the bottom of the foot to attach on the base of the proximal phalanx of each toe (figure 1)."
http://www.physsportsmed.com/issues/1999/09_99/roberts.htm
I suppose it's possible that you are confusing plantar fascia with plantar fasciitis, yet even then you're wrong. The inflamation is NOT a bone spur (again, all the medical sites I've found on the subject bear this out, despite what you allege your "doctor" claims), but gone untreated can lead to them.
"Plantar Fasciitis is an inflammation caused by excessive stretching of the plantar fascia. ... When the plantar fascia is excessively stretched, this can cause plantar fasciitis, which can also lead to heel pain, arch pain, and heel spurs."
http://www.foot.com/info/cond_plantar_fasciitis.jsp
"Plantar fasciitis refers to an inflammation of the plantar fascia. The inflammation in the tissue is the result of some type of injury to the plantar fascia. Typically, plantar fasciitis results from repeated trauma to the tissue where it attaches to the calcaneus..... If there is significant injury to the plantar fascia, the inflammatory reaction of the heel bone may produce spike-like projections of new bone called heel spurs. The spurs are not the cause of the initial pain of plantar fasciitis, they are the result of the problem."
http://www.arthroscopy.com/sp09001.htm
"Plantar fasciitis (inflammation of the plantar fascia) is the most common cause of heel pain seen by an orthopedist. It is common in several sub-groups of people, including runners and other athletes, people who have jobs that require a fair amount of walking or standing (especially if it is done on a hard surface), and in some cases it is seen in people who have put on weight -- either by dietary indiscretion or pregnancy. .... With a few extra pounds on board, or with activities such as exercise, the plantar fascia can develop microtrauma at its insertion into the heel bone, or anywhere along its length. This causes pain which can be quite severe at times....Stage 2 may involve cortisone injections into the heel region, if Stage 1 has failed to bring significant relief. Other modalities in Stage 2 include: orthotics, taping, physical therapy, and night splinting. "
http://www.scoi.com/plantar.htm
"Plantar fasciitis is a major cause of heel pain in athletes and active people. The pain can usually be controlled with conservative measures, such as stretching, the use of arch supports, night splinting, and short-term activity modification, which allow the injured tissue to heal. However, persistent cases sometimes require an injection of a corticosteroid and local anesthetic into the calcaneal origin of the plantar fascia to relieve pain and promote healing. .... In some cases, the inflammatory response will cause calcification at the origin of the plantar fascia and result in spur formation along the lines of traction. "
http://www.physsportsmed.com/issues/1999/09_99/roberts.htm
But not to worry; it's obvious your sole intent in this thread was to expose the idiocy of one of the board's posters. In that regard, you were a smashing success.
Your post is pathetic. You have absolutely no understanding or care about Eileen's situation. You say you put God first, but that's laughable. If you truly put God first, you wouldn't be so judgemental of someone you barely know. It's pretty evident you truly *DO NOT* put God first. If you did, you wouldn't have written such a judgemental, hurtful post. You have *NO CLUE* what Eileen deals with daily. Remember the part in the bible that says judge not lest ye be judged? How about he who has not sinned may cast the first stone?
Oh, and when you responded above you claimed you responded to Cindy. Perhaps you need remedial posting lessons. You posted to Peteynjoeysmom, not Cindy.
And could you *please* learn to punctuate and write clearly. I read half your post because it is so hard to follow your convoluted train of thought.
<<...but if you are then your husband could supply the health insurance. ....>>
What rock are you living under that you don't know that not every company or every job supplies health benefits or that some that do provide extremely limited coverage? What rock are you living under that you don't know how many insurance companies sharply limit long term care coverage or put impossibly low limits on lifetime benefits? What rock are you living under that you don't know that health insurance is NOT an a guarantee for people in the US, employed or not?
And what rock are you living under that you would speak as viciously, hatefully and maliciously to another human being whose greatest crime has been to disagree with you on a debate board?
God first? I'm sure God feels all kinds of glorified after that not-so-charming little missive of yours. Where's the your-post-was-vile icon when you need it?
FIRST, my daughter is a TRUE ANGEL on this Earth. G-d has given her to us (and us to her) to take care of her, love her, adore her -- and any plan beyond that will have to be seen later. She is more loved than you could ever even imagine -- by ALL of us.
However, the level of her care that is required would also take away time that my other two children need. Do you think that they should grow up in a household where ONLY their middle sister is important? No andrew you can't play basketball on the team, alyssa needs a bath. NO, i can't help you with homework, alyssa needs me to sing to her. Want to go to that birthday party? No, it's in the middle of alyssa's nap. Soccer? Nope. same thing. Want to go to the movies? No, it's too cold/rainy/hot to take her out and sorry, but the noise of the movie scares her.
What you don't understand (g-d i hate such friggin' ignorance) is that her disorder has ALREADY claimed part of our family. My dh has been in and out of depressive episodes for the last 10 years -- and our marriage is on the rocks as we speak. I could let her and her disorder take over the rest of my family, but i love my other 2 kids JUST AS MUCH as her -- and they deserve a set of parents that will put them first at times, too.
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No, HON, your attitude is CRUEL. Guess what? in 1-5 years she will probably be GONE, passed away. It is PART of my job to make sure that my other two kids have a firm foundation so that when she passes, they know that they are just as important -- yeah, i'm really looking forward to having them deal with the death of a sibling -- a death which will probably send my dh into a much deeper depression. I have worked very hard so that my other 2 KNOW that, no matter what, they have a strong, unconditionally loving figure in their MOM.
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we do. she goes to school just like her brother and sister. BLESSED? You better friggin' believe it. Blessed beyond that which you can even begin to comprehend. She is an immense part of our lives (as is ANY child) -- and yet, we do have parts of our life that go beyond her.
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Big, fat ole DUH, DUH, DUH. Been there, doing that....
i'm sorry you felt you needed to write such an ignorant, nasty, uncaring response. I'm sorry that i even opened the door for you. You are so clueless and unempathetic that i feel sorry for you. Having been part of our support group -- and dealing with families that are going through similar things we are -- has opened our eyes to all kinds of configurations -- some woh, some sah -- but no matter what, ALL of us love and aore our special angels. How dare you even think that we don't.
i'm going to stop here because there are tears dripping on my keyboard and i'm afraid that my kids will ask me why i'm crying. i'm also going to stop because if i write how i REALLY feel, i will get banned from here forever.
eileen
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