Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
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Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
| Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am |
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.
Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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Edited 12/28/2003 8:14:35 AM ET by cyndluagain
I used to be easily wounded by hurtful, thoughtless comments made about the motives of those who seek and get abortions because it was still a subject that hurt me (having had one). Those days are long gone, but I have discovered on more than one occasion that when I DO discuss my abortion, the vicious/vile/disgusting authors come out of the woodwork to do their worst, thinking they have some kind of emotional advantage over me...and when I respond in a way that shuts them down, I invariably receive emails sent discreetly from OTHER posters who haven't reached the point where I am wrt to having come to terms with my abortion. To them the subject is still very painful, and the words, against all rational understanding of the pathetic nature of their authorship, have the power to wound.
The suggestion, after the years of sacrifice, worry and the complete upheaval of all their lives for Alyssa, that Eileen doesn't care about her is a hurtful one because Eileen has been far too busy in all these years dealing with Alyssa's care, her medical needs, and all the emotional rollercoaster of it, to have been able to come to terms with her decisions--so vicious, disgusting, deliberately hurtful words have the power to wound, even when they come from obvious trolls.
Again...spend the 7 or 8 years Eileen has walked in her shoes before you mock her inability to blow such viciousness off. One day Eileen will come to that place, but in the meantime, it's not for you or I to decide she should already be there.
Unfortunately, there's no way to really talk about time spent actively parenting so we end up comparing hours spent at home and arguing why that's not the whole picture. This isn't an issue of how many hours you're home. You can be home and busy with other things. You can WOH and spend child intensive time with your kids in the evenings. I really don't think the amount of time I interact with my kids would go up much if I SAH. It didn't when I went part time. All that changed, really, was time under the same roof and the amount of play time I took for myself. So I read a book at the park while my kids played instead of going to work while the dcp took them to the park. How much did that increase parenting time? By only a few minutes if you don't count passive supervision. If the time studies did count passive supervision, then the difference found would be the x hours per week WP's are at work.
I really do believe we do things in bits and bytes and don't spend nearly the time doing them we think we do and that the total time you're home is only a small part of the picture. This, of course, is the quality vs. quantity time debate.
As for my dd and why this is a benefit, she has a mom who is an engineer and a dad who is a computer programmer. It is highly likely she has inherited math/science ability from us. Yes, something that can enhance that AND creativity (creativity is the difference between being good or great at something) is a benefit to my kids. I wish I could turn back time and put dd#1 into Yamaha at 3 like her sister.
for someone to question my love and commitment to my middle daughter is unconscionable as well as mean and nasty (and utterly ridiculous).
thanks again.
eileen
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