Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 7:59am
You might actually want to examine the patient before you go practicing cyber medicine without a license, lol.


Edited 12/28/2003 8:14:35 AM ET by cyndluagain
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:17am
Not in the here and the now. In the future, maybe... It depends on whether stress actually does shorten one's lifespan and by how much. My mother died at 44 and no amount of stress reduction would have changed that so her stress level was totally irrelevent with regard to her longevity. And as I've said, it's an issue of how you deal with stress not how much stress you have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:19am
So increase in income isn't a benefit??? According to the census, WM's are increasing the family's income. The amount is debatable but there is an increase. Care to explain how this is not a benefit?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:23am
Who said I was??? Yes, I spend x number of hours per week at work. So? My kids spend that time playing at their dcps. A SAHM's spend much of it playing in the back yard, other room, watching TV, whatever. Could be this is why they find so little difference in the amount of parenting done in SAHP housholds and DWP households in spite of WP's being actually gone x hours per week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:23am
Because some comments have the ability to hurt so keenly that one's ability to see past the viciousness and understand the author of it isn't deserving of any honest human response to her petty, vindictive bile is compromised.

I used to be easily wounded by hurtful, thoughtless comments made about the motives of those who seek and get abortions because it was still a subject that hurt me (having had one). Those days are long gone, but I have discovered on more than one occasion that when I DO discuss my abortion, the vicious/vile/disgusting authors come out of the woodwork to do their worst, thinking they have some kind of emotional advantage over me...and when I respond in a way that shuts them down, I invariably receive emails sent discreetly from OTHER posters who haven't reached the point where I am wrt to having come to terms with my abortion. To them the subject is still very painful, and the words, against all rational understanding of the pathetic nature of their authorship, have the power to wound.

The suggestion, after the years of sacrifice, worry and the complete upheaval of all their lives for Alyssa, that Eileen doesn't care about her is a hurtful one because Eileen has been far too busy in all these years dealing with Alyssa's care, her medical needs, and all the emotional rollercoaster of it, to have been able to come to terms with her decisions--so vicious, disgusting, deliberately hurtful words have the power to wound, even when they come from obvious trolls.

Again...spend the 7 or 8 years Eileen has walked in her shoes before you mock her inability to blow such viciousness off. One day Eileen will come to that place, but in the meantime, it's not for you or I to decide she should already be there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:34am
Yes, I think this is at the heart of why time studies show so little difference in parenting between SAHP and DWP households. Don't have any data (link went bad to the old study) but I actually agree with the first time study (the one referenced in the beginning of the one I posted as having gotten parents up in arms which found SAHM's do just over an hour of child care per day and WM's just under) not the one that has parents in SAHP households doing 7.7 hours per day and DWP's doing 7.3. I think they had to have counted a lot of things in the second that I just wouldn't consider active parenting. I think if you measured the actual time we interact with our kids, I think you'd be hard pressed to come up with much more than an hour a day. We tend to do things in bits and bytes and no, I don't think it matters who watches my kids play in the backyard just so long as someone watches.

Unfortunately, there's no way to really talk about time spent actively parenting so we end up comparing hours spent at home and arguing why that's not the whole picture. This isn't an issue of how many hours you're home. You can be home and busy with other things. You can WOH and spend child intensive time with your kids in the evenings. I really don't think the amount of time I interact with my kids would go up much if I SAH. It didn't when I went part time. All that changed, really, was time under the same roof and the amount of play time I took for myself. So I read a book at the park while my kids played instead of going to work while the dcp took them to the park. How much did that increase parenting time? By only a few minutes if you don't count passive supervision. If the time studies did count passive supervision, then the difference found would be the x hours per week WP's are at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:40am
Good question. One I wish I had an answer to as, obviously, it's counted differently than I would count it. I'm hard pressed to come up with anywhere near half of 7.3 hours a day of parenting putting dh and I together. I liked the first study better. The one that counted hands on child care and interaction time. I don't have a link to it but it found that SAHM's do just over an hour a day of child care while WM's do just under (the difference was around 20 minutes per day). That's the study referenece in the beginning of the one I posted that got parents upset.

I really do believe we do things in bits and bytes and don't spend nearly the time doing them we think we do and that the total time you're home is only a small part of the picture. This, of course, is the quality vs. quantity time debate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:57am
Because there is a link between EARLY musical training and later math/science ability as well as creativity. Yamaha (Suzuki too) are able to teach YOUNG children VERY WELL. Yes, I learned to play the piano without Yamaha and I didn't reap the benefits of early training either. Enroll your child in one year of Yamaha and come back here and tell me you can do what they do at home. They have stunned me with their ability to teach very young children. My dd who just turned 6 can sit at the piano and play by ear!!! *I* can't do that and I've been playing a lot longer than her. Her sister who was in private lessons until she was 5 and then switched to Yamaha can't even think of doing that. And no, my dd is not alone. About 1/3 of her class has already developed the ability to play by ear (simple things like melodies with chord shells). My dd, because of her December birthday is one of the older kids in the class. Every year, I am just amazed when I hear these kids at recital. The majority of them play well beyond their years.

As for my dd and why this is a benefit, she has a mom who is an engineer and a dad who is a computer programmer. It is highly likely she has inherited math/science ability from us. Yes, something that can enhance that AND creativity (creativity is the difference between being good or great at something) is a benefit to my kids. I wish I could turn back time and put dd#1 into Yamaha at 3 like her sister.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:59am
thank you yet again. as you know, my skin is generally quite thick around here by this time, but you're right -- her words managed to cut quick and deep and to slice without mercy. Most times, i can shake off such ignorant tripe, but for whatever reason i was just not "there" yesterday.

for someone to question my love and commitment to my middle daughter is unconscionable as well as mean and nasty (and utterly ridiculous).

thanks again.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:00am
As usual, the exception does not disprove the rule. So, because some people are criminals with degrees, education is now worthless??? I hope you didn't hurt yourself jumping off of that cliff. NOPE. Education is a benefit, even if some prefer to use theirs promoting terrorism.

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