Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:07am
You're welcome, Eileen; sometimes you have to have walked that path to understand it. Different reasons, obviously, but I've been in that place where words from the purposely hurtful wound, even when I should have known better. And having been there, I don't mind providing the occasional insight to those who haven't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:11am
LOL, all they said is the levels are higher! They did not show that this is a negative. Other possibilities exist. You are ASSuming that different means bad when all it means is different. While researchers are concerned about the increase, they have not established it as bad.

http://www.oacas.org/whatsnew/newsstories/03/july/17childcare.pdf

"Maybe there are good effects,"..."Maybe day care increases children's arousal for leanring and being social. We don't know that yet, and it's important to look at the long-term effects. It's important to look at the complexity of the situation."

You are jumping to the conclusion that different = bad when all we know is there is a difference seen mostly in shy children. For all we know, it could turn out that dc helps shy children overcome being shy and increased stress hormones are part of that process. We don't know what this difference means yet. The jury is still out. Just because too much stress is bad doesn't mean any increase in stress is bad.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/07/16/earlyshow/living/parenting/main563639.shtml

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Now, let's see. If my child has difficulty in group situations do I want to shelter him or help him learn to deal with it??? The problem isn't dc causing stress but some kids having difficulty in group situations. The problem is the child not dc. However, we have not established that this really is a problem. It could be part of the process of shy children learning to deal with groups. It could turn out to be a problem for shy children, in which case it will be something to watch out for. But none of this means dc is bad. At worst, it means measures need to be taken to help kids who don't deal with group situations well to cope with group situations. Personally, if I had a child who had difficulty with group situations, I'd want to address that prior to them starting school rather than shelter them from it.




Edited 12/28/2003 9:40:18 AM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:33am
If mom's stressed out, the doctors can help. There is more than one way to deal with stress. Personally, asking your family to do without woudln't be my choice. Moms stress level doesn't have to affect her kids but the family income level will. It will determine things like quality of eduction and the ability to participate in enrichment activities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:35am
And what happens when it's over 25??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:36am
Oh please, don't tell me you can't figure that one out.

If the cost of mom working means time spent away from the kids and home, childcare expenses, greater workload for mom AND dad, then the amount of increased income that a family may not even need, is certainly no benefit, it's a detriment.

How you can't get that is beyond me.

Again, this assumes one values time spent with one's children. If that is worthless to you, you'll never see spending more time with your children as a benefit.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:36am

As usual, you miss the point.


She didn't say there was no benefit to education, only that the benefits do not result in someone being a "better" person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:42am
Depends on what you define as better. NOTHING will fit every individuals definition of better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:43am
No dear, sweestwah did nothing of the sort. She presented NO arguments supporting that sah was not detrimental to children, only that DC was.

My point is that the onus is on wohm to prove that DC isn't harmful. There has never been any onus on anyone to prove that sah isn't harmful because quite frankly, it IS universally seen as the ideal, despite CLW's protestations.

You aren't getting my point, but that's okay, it was late and maybe you were tired. Read again, and maybe you'll get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:47am
Where did I say that??? Yes, there are physical manifestations of stress and there are ways to deal with it as well. You don't have to even reduce the stress. Enhancing your own resiliency works too. You can exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, take up meditation,..... There are lots of ways to deal with stress besides running away from it. We all have stress in our lives and we must all deal with it or deal with the consequences of not having dealt with it but we don't have to run away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:51am
LOL, NOOO a parent actually WITH said teen might be but a parent at home is just a parent at home and that doesn't do a lot of good if said teen is elsewhere. You, obviously, didn't grow up where I did, lol. Trust me, mom can be at home and said teen elsewhere. The only thing you reduce with mom at home is the likelihood that said teen will get into trouble AT home.

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