Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:32pm
If having dual wohp's is so much more beneficial than having a sahp, why is it that the overwhelming majority of top 2% of income earners choose to be single income families? If it's so much more beneficial to have any percentage of extra income, why would anyone stay home?

You're really kidding yourself if you think the only way a parent can positively affect their family is through additional income. Higher income may not be bad for families, but if it comes at too high a non-monetary cost then yes, it's absolutely bad.


You do realize there is such a thing as costs that have nothing to do with actual money, don't you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:40pm
I already said. At some point, any family has all the money it needs, and addition of more produces no benefit to one's children.

Care to explain why you think it's a waste to spend time with your children above the minimum required amount they need?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:59pm
"I don't think all the WM's out there would be working for it if it were a bad thing, lol." So why is it you assume all the SAHs are at home if SAH is a bad thing, or if extra income is such a good thing, LOL? Are we lazy or crazy or just not as smart as you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 4:13pm


Does this mean you advocate the prescribing of highly addictive anti stress drugs?

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 4:42pm
So you see no point in stacking the deck in your favor? Do you smoke? If not, why not? It won't kill you right away and there's no guarantee you'll get cancer/heart disease. So why worry? Living a lower stress life may not guarantee a better outcome for my kids, but it certainly stacks the deck in their favor. And just because they won't see the benefit right away I still see value in it.

How stress affects you is not 100% under your control. You can't decide that stress will or won't give you a heart attack simply by handling the stress the "right" way. On average stress shortens lifespans. That doesn't guarantee that any one person will have exactly the same outcome as another. But most of us try to do the things that we think will extend our lives. There are no guarantees.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 4:51pm
You wrote: "This depends more on the parents ability to cope than anything else and if they're not coping there are some really good prescriptions to help them cope. You're trying to tell the wrong person that parental stress translates into negative results for kids. I happen to suffer from an anxiety disorder. I know first hand that whether or not kids feel stressed when parents feel stressed depends on how the parents deal with the stress around their kids. This is not an issue of how much stress is in your life nearly as much as it is how you deal with the stress in your life. If you don't deal with it well and if you don't deal with it well, there is help for the asking."

Your comments are all about coping with stress on an emotional level, and drugs for that,etc. You talk about FEELINGS, not physical affects. You can control your feelings to a certain extent, but the physical manifestations may still be there even if you are intact emotionally. You do not acknowledge any other affects of stress (non emotional). That's how I got that.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 5:15pm
I don't usually get involved in intensely personal threads. I try to avoid them. But I think you hit to low below the belt. I commend Eileen for not allowing one person's problems overwhelm her entire family and for maintaining as normal a life as possible.

Eileen-I admire you.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 7:29pm
If a person is highly stressed, the first thing a doctor should be recommending is that they make adjustments to their lifestyle. That could be through reduction of work hours, career change, sabbatical, vacation, getting more sleep, getting more exercise, etc. Those are all things that are condusive to stress reduction. And the work thing is often a big part of the equation.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:56pm
Don't smoke because it would hurt my kids. Exposure to second hand smoke while the lungs are developing is determental to them.

We are talking about things that affect our kids that we're doing now. My stress level may very well affect whether I live to be 70 or 80 but it doesn't affect my kids now. Personally, I'd rather live a short life with lots of challenges than a long boring one.

BTW, I never said things that protect our futures aren't worth doing. I said our stress levels WRT money/jobs don't have to affect our kids. There are also more ways to deal with stress than quitting a job. You can exercise, meditate, take up a hobby or even medicate if you so desire. It's not the level of stress we're exposed to nearly as much as it's how we handle the stress we're exposed to.

BTW, I used to smoke. I quit when dh had his vas reversal. If we'd never had kids, I probably would have taken it up again but after 5 years of being pg or nursing cigarrettes were up to over $2.00 a pack. I have better things to do with my money, lol.


Edited 12/29/2003 1:02:38 PM ET by cyndluagain

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 10:08pm
Go laugh at my mother. Seems to have worked on 5 out of 6 kids. #6 was 9 years old when she died and he has never been quite right as a result of her death. Keeping kids busy does work. The trick is to find things they enjoy and/or you do with them (peer pressure works wonders here. You just have to find the right peers). However, sitting home on my butt waiting for them to get home would accomplish little beyond them not bringing their friends to our house. Mom had two kids in band, one cheerleader and one basketball player. She dragged us off to church activities, that we were free to bring our friends to, twice a week. Because I didn't have after school activities I wanted to participate in, I got to pick up the little ones from dc and had a list of chores that had to be done before mom got home. Even if I could have found the time to run off behind the school with my boyfriend (didn't have time for one anyway) like the girl across the street, whose mom SAH BTW, I couldn't have gotten into too much trouble with a toddler in tow, lol. Mom made damned sure we were too busy to find trouble or it find us.

Of course, when I turned 18 is another story but again, worked with 5 out of 6 kids. I'm the only one who ran off at 18 and sowed her wild oats. Can't knock odds like that.

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