Which came first, the title or the SAHW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Which came first, the title or the SAHW?
1695
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:04am
Last night I attended my husband's work Christmas party. I sat with the CEO, CFO, CTO, COO (Chief operations officer, I didn't know that acronym, I had to ask), Creative Director, Marketing Director and their wives. Near the end of the evening it was just we wives chatting mostly about kids. I made the observation that even though all the wives were intelligent, educated and accomplished women, not a single one (except me), woh. They are all SAHM's.

Any thoughts on why that might be? I have my own opinion but I'd like to hear from everyone else first. Do you think they sah because of their husbands jobs or their husbands have their jobs because the wives stay home? Or doesn't it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:08pm
"Funny, but I'm not working for money. I've increased my income substantially in the last year. Sure, the "benefits" are nice -- it means I can buy more stuff -- but does more money make me a "better" person? No way. I can't believe you think it does. You have a poor sense of priorities.

I work because working makes me a better person. Being in business for myself means I have to be responsible, dedicated, hard working, honest, and trustworthy.

But then again, I can be all that simply by being a MOM."


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But aren't you working not just for "stuff," but for better financial stability for your whole family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:12pm

You're talking past each other.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:16pm
And I disagree with you. Ask Cindytree if she thinks her family would have better off with her woh, she'll give you a laundry list of reasons why they wouldn't and why they feel they benefitted more from her being home.

You don't have to agree with them, but you can at least respect them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:17pm
Because being capable of earning a certain amount of money doesnt necessarily equate with bettering ones life or the life of ones children. There are other ways to benefit a family besides bringing in MORE money.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:19pm
But it wouldn't hurt them NOW. They probably wouldn't die right away. In fact you will probably be dead when it finally manifests itself.

You can't have it both ways. I think that anything that might shorten YOUR lifespan hurts your kids. I am not saying you can't mitigate some of the immediate affects of stress on your children, but the fact is that stress shortens lives. If you are doing something that affects your lifespan you ARE affecting your kids. Don't you think you kids benefit from having you alive as long as possible?

I am not discussing short term challenges, but rather constant exposure to very high levels of stress. I agree that we can all take measures to mitigate the affects of the inevitable amounts of stress we must deal with in order to live interesting lives. But there are many people for whom combining a career and parenthood is a CONSTANT stream of stress that cannot be dealt with simply by meditating. There are probably an equal number of people who feel suffoctated by being home all the time and suffer a never ending stream of stress from that. I don't see the stress problem as problem that only affects working parents.

However, I do think that if there is a constant stream of stress in your live that just meditating or excercising will not be enough to keep it from affecting your life.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:19pm

Wait now - I did not say, nor do I believe, that ALL families would be better off with an $80K household income rather than a $40K one.

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:20pm
Not always. There is only a limited amount you can do to mitigate the affects of stress on your life. And YOU know that as well.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:22pm
Absolutely.

Let's look at some of the sahm's or former sahm's here if we want to look at the "typical" circumstances of a sahm or an almost sahm. 1969 Jets, cocoapop, cindytree, mygarnetboy, dj (who I consider practically a sahm), or mygriffin who only works p/t. All of them could "positively impact their family's finances", some very significantly, yet all have beautiful, healthy, happy families, lovely homes and certainly don't appear to be lacking for anything. They choose to work less or not at all, and are reaping the benefits of being home most of the time.

Nothing CLW says can convince me that their families would benefit from them woh FT. Nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:22pm
No I dont think that is what she is saying at all. She has cited many times that overall woh can be considered *better* because bringing in more money is *better*. Any woman/man who chooses not to woh obviously isnt capable of bringing in enough money to matter. There is no benefit to having a sahp for ANY family (oh, unless the child is special needs).

My stance has always been, and will remain, that there can be benefit to EITHER woh or sah. It has to be taken on a case by case basis, looking at each family individually. There is NO INHERENT benefit to EITHER choice.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:24pm
That I don't know. I've got to believe that there aren't too many families willing to give up a lot, or live in squalor simply because mom refuses to woh. I can't believe that there are that many people willing to give up so much just to sah.

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