Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:42am

"And yes, I would feel threatened if my children consistently called for my DH at night and ran to him automatically with scrapes and bruises."

They don't run to him automatically with scrapes / bruises...in fact DS runs almost exlusively to me...and DD about 50% of the time. As for calling out at night....DD calls whoever 'put' her down. DS calls for both of us. But when they *do* call for DH I don't feel threatened. Why would you? I wouldnt even if they called him 100% of the time. But then I didnt feel the need for a prenup either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:44am

Most girls I went to school with in high school (and inner city high school) had sex to fit in. I had about 500 kids in my graduating class (over 200 had dropped out or flunked their senior year) and we had at least 30 girls either pregnant or had children by the time they graduated. None of them were old enough to handle the consequences. None of them had sex b/c of maturity. We had girls in gangs who had sex to fit in. We had girls having sex and babies b/c that is what their mothers did. All of them needed to go on welfare. It is a vicous and sad cycle. I was not allowed to date until 16 and that took a lot of pressure off of me. I had friends sign my yearbook to "the last American Virgin". I was very involved in afterschool activities and didn't feel like I was missing much. I knew I was going to college (only 10% of my graduating class did go) and did not want to mess anything up. When I met my dh and we decided to have sex, I was in college and felt mature enough. We were both committed enough and I knew if anything did happen he would not run.

Maybe it is just my experience in the type of environment I grew up with in my high school. But, I never equated teen sex with maturity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:52am

i really dont think she feels she limited herself at all - she got the life she wanted. true, she did not attend college, nor did her husband, yet they are wealthy enough that her husband is not yet 50 and has been retired for 2 or 3 years now.

she has seen more of the world than most people, they take yearly vacations out of the country, she spends alot of time going around the u.s to various antique shows, collecting antique toys is her passion and they are constantly going out to vegas, another hobby they share.

it would appear she didnt have the need to live independantly that some others have. i think the key is had she been interested in, i dont see where her getting married so young has prevented her from following her passions.
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:52am

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Ohhh, we would love that also. My family loves, loves camping. Of course, I am a big weanie and well not do tents but we love staying at campgrounds. We were talking of Disney this summer nad my kids kept saying how much they would rather go camping. I hate Disney in the summer anyway so we are going next spring (jzygayle told me about a campground there and canot wait to check it out) and camping up near Knoebels in PA (about 3 hours from where I live).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:03am
this is an excellent post. and this is one of my concerns as a parent since my daughter has had the same boyfriend for the past year, and i am not going to deluded myself into thinking that at some point the desire to have sex is not going to come up- and while i dont like it, i have yet to find a way that i could prevent it.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:12am
i really dont think you are going to hear any pros to teen sex from the adults here, but i think if you were to talk to teens they would be able to give you plenty of them from their perspective - and since they are the ones who we are trying to teach about sex i just feel it is important with my daughter to listen to and not demean her reasons. how can i expect her to listen to and respect my reasons and opinions if i can not offer her the same consideration.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:17am
i have to admit your posts have me a bit confused. i am not understanding why you think the decision to have sex is not a choice. in my mind you either have sex or you dont but either way you have to make a choice. and what impressions is it about? i really am confused as to where you stand but would like to understand.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:20am
you are probably right, but i see my job as a parent being to provide her with the knowledge she needs to ensure she makes it thru those next 10 years and has the opportunity to come to those conclusions.
Jennie
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:21am

So if you don't do tents, where do you sleep when you camp?

What I really like is backpacking, but that's hard to do with kids who can't carry much yet. So we mostly car camp. If we do the campground host thing someday, I guess we'll have to trade in our tent for some kind of popup camper or rv.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:35am
i dont equate teen sex with maturity, but i also dont think i equate it with immaturity, automatically. my feelings about sex, just as yours, probably have something to do with my background, to this day (and i am 43) i dont htink my mother has ever talked about sex with me or my sisters(not that i want her to at this point LOL). and i knew that was not what i wanted for my girls. but getting to this point has taken me about 11 years, i believe it started the first time my oldest asked me where babies come from in the middle of mcdonald's. for awhile i would always try to steer my daughter to having those talks at night in the car so i didnt have to look at her. but as the years have gone by and we have had more and deeper talks i have progressed to being able to have those talks with the lights on :) i just want my kids to know that they are never going to be deemed immoral or bad if they choose to have sex as teens.
Jennie

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