Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:57am

Here is what my mom said to me, and basically what I have said to my dd:

"I dont think teen sex is a good idea for the following reasons...(stds, pregnancy, emotional turmoil, etc). However, I also realize that I cannot be with you 24/7 and that ultimately you are going to have to make that choice. If you *do* think you are going to become sexually active, I hope you will come and talk to me about it. And I hope you know that you can come to me with anything, that I wont get angry or judge you. Just please know you can talk to me about this kind of stuff."

I can only go by my own experience, but feeling like I could talk to my mom about these issues was really a big part of why I did not become sexually active in high school. I think a lot of the kids who are out there being sexually active are the ones who did not feel like they had parents they could talk to openly. That was my experience anyway-they were afraid of what their parents would say, felt like their parents would not understand anyway, and were going off a lot of erroneous information gleaned from SCHOOL and FRIENDS.

Like you, I think this is much too important of an issue to trust it to school or textbooks. I would never place the responsibility on an entity like that-*I* am responsible for educating my children.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:58am

<>

"Or vice versa."

Psst, the vice versa aspect had already been mentioned, hence the use of *OTOH* at the beginning of my statement :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:59am

Well, and how can children understand WHY you think its a bad idea if you dont provide them with information about sex and their bodies?

Teens especially, have a high hypocrisy radar. They arent going to buy the statement "dont have sex because we think its wrong." without further explanation.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:00pm

I asked you several times what the advantage of teen sex was, and you never answered me. I thought you said somewhere else the advantage was more sex. What is the advantage, then?

I don't see anything positive about teen sex, just a lot of negatives.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:04pm
I don't think anybody should demean their teen's feelings, but I also don't think there are benefits just because a teen thinks she's in love, or all her friends are doing it, or whatever the reason. Kids have sex for all sorts of wrong reasons, and they can really get their hearts broken adding sex to a relationship at that age--not to mention the risks of stds, pregnancy, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:12pm
you are right, and those are all things i have talked to my daughter about but that, in my mind, doesnt change the fact that someday she is going to make the decision to become sexually active and her reasons will be her own and i really hope that when that time comes it will involve careful thought to all the ramifications and not just be because all her friends are doing it. my hope is that all of our discussions are leading her in that direction - but like most parenting decisions you really never can be sure
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:12pm

"Not everyone has as poor a relationship with their parents as you did/do."

Please cite where I have stated that I had/have a poor relationship with my parents :)

"My parents were much more influential during my teen years than my peer group. Does that really surprise you?"

Actually, *MY* own personal thoughts and opinions were much influential during my teen years than either my *parents* or my *peer group*. In fact, this has been the case for the better part of my life as I am a very independent, unconventional, and even GASP liberal thinker.

Yeah, that's right I said it. I'm a self proclaimed liberal and proud of it :)

Does that really surprise you LOL? Surely, my consistently liberal views are far from surprising by now :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:15pm
I did get it that you were talking about your kids. But I don't get how gummy snacks are more nutritious than bread as a snack, at any time. I suppose since your kids have food issues, your way of doing things and your nutritionist's advice might seem unusual to the rest of us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:17pm

Well said.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:18pm

"Why wouldn't it be relevant what your parents thought of your decision?"

Relevent at age 15, yes. But in my mid 30's, no not particularly relevent LOL!

"Don't you want your dd to want your agreement on her major life decisions?"

Would I appreciate her including me in her major life decisions, yes.

Do I want her to want my agreement, no.

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