Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:57am
no way do i think the average, or pretty much any, 15 year old is old enough to make the decision to have sex - but that does not negate the fact that 15 year olds are making that decision on a daily basis. so, the only thing i know to do is explain my position to her, make sure she knows the facts, discuss the ramifications and then hope for the best. to date is seems to be working because to the best of my knowledge she is not sexually active.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:59am

My parents most decidedly expressed disappointment (fury, actually) with a choice of mine. I'm glad that trying not to disappoint them was not a factor in my decision. They very strongly value the tribalism of Judaism and attempted as hard as they could to pass along the value of marrying somebody Jewish. As my Dad put it. "We're shrinking in number and you're making it worse!". I am very anti-tribalism. This value I definately did NOT get from them. It has relevence to this discussion insofar as choice of a spouse is, in part, a sexual choice. And one that I made in direct opposition to their values because I value something different.

So children developing their own values is not necessarily a bad thing (for the children it's not, but my Dad is still ticked).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:00pm
i guess since i am really not a drinker i dont see drinking as some rite of passage into adulthood
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:01pm
I think it's good that children make their own decisions (and adults as well, it should go without saying!) without mindlessly following their parents' values, but I think it's natural in a close parent/child relationship to express disappointment, fury, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:05pm
you are right and i have expressed my opinion on teen sex to her what seems like a million times, to her it probably seems like a billion times. however, i have decided that if the time comes that she comes to me and tells me she is ready to become sexually active that i will not deman her choice - i will of course tell her one final time why i think it is not a good idea. but if she comes to me and tells me she is ready and would like me to take her to get birth control i will take her.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:06pm

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ITA!

I will always support my kids, even if I don't always support their choices/decisions as well.

Julia

Julia

Proud Mommy of Macey and Reece

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:10pm
my mom hated my high school boyfriend, but i didnt find that out until years later. what i have found with my oldest is that if she has a friend i dont care for, if i just bide my time she tends to come to the same conclussion that i had in the beginning. one thing i remember from being a teen is that as soon as my mom told me not to do something that became the one thing i wanted to do/or person i wanted to spend time with. it works better for me to just monitor the situation from the background and let me kids come to their own conclusions.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:11pm

Which brings us back to the question that I don't think snoopy ever answered.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:13pm
what do you mean by support? if your 16 year old comes to you and says you know mom i really love whomever and we have been dating for well over a year now and we have decided to become sexually active, can you take me to get birth control - do you support her?
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:21pm
i would agree, and trust me there have been times i have been furious with all of my kids but for me i am not going to be disappointed/angry/furious in them if they have sex at an age younger than i would choose for them. i dont expect others to agree, that is just what i have decided for my child. something that would make me furious at my daughter would be drinking and driving, or getting in the car with someone who had been drinking and driving.
Jennie

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