Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:24pm
i just couldnt disagree with this more. i think my kids want and need to know they can come to mom and get an objective opinion. it is not always easy, but i know from experience my oldest daughter really needs that sounding board - and she needs to know that mom isnt going to over-react or give her some knee-jerk reaction, that isnt to say that inside you are feeling those things but you just cant always express them. my daughter has been dealing with a kid at school who has been bullying/harrassing her for a year and a half in one class, when she came to me about it she didnt need me to tell her well i will just call his parents and get him kicked out of this class, she needed me to talk it out with her and decide together in a calm, objective way what needed to be done to correct the situation. together we decided on a course, talked to the teacher involved and within 2 weeks the situation has done a complete 180 and everything is fine. as her mother what i wanted to do was call his parents and have him kicked out of class, but that was not a solution that would have been in her best interest. i am really surprised that parents would abdicated the responsibility of objective dialogue with their kids to anyone else.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:27pm
excuse you, i am not towing any line. are you really saying that all religions believe and practice the same things? because that is news to me. and please pray tell what do my beliefs on gay marriage have to do with anything.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:30pm

"Of course it's theirs. That doesn't mean it wouldn't be a poor choice if they made it."

So, basically what you're saying here is that any choice other than the one that you yourself would make for them would be a poor one, right?

Sounds completely fair and open minded to me LOL !

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:32pm

There IS a difference between the words *teen* and *high school student*. An 18 or 19 yo is still a teenager. But they are also a legal adult at that point. Get it?

. So in otherwords, you DO believe that by providing teens with facts about stds and birth control, etc. we are giving them some kind of permission to engage in sex. That isnt suprising I suppose, although its quite the antiquated viewpoint.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:33pm

"The laws in this country recognize that teens are not adults."

Actually, 18 and 19 year old teens *are* considered adults.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:36pm

"The "magic" of adulthood is being an adult. What's the magic of 15?"

Is there a law which states that one must be an adult in order to engage in sex?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:36pm

The very tricky thing about the age of 15 is that it is below the age of consent in most states- moststates have the age of consent as 16. So one horrific consequence of totally consensual sex for the 15yo (barring disease or pregnancy, which are potential consequences for adults as well) is that it may land an older partner in jail. We haven't discussed age-of-consent laws in this thread. It seems to be jumping back and forth between adulthood and age 15 with no discussion of 16 or 17 (legally able to consent but not legally an adult). So although you may have been personally ready, I would have to warn a <16yo that sex could have the unintended consequence of landing an older bf/gf in jail.

The law is not aimed at punishing the 15yo who has sex. It's aimed at punishing anyone 18+ who has sex with the 15yo. (Most states also have a 2 year parameter, meaning that they prosecute if the older partner is >2years older than the younger partner, whatever age that works out to be in a specific instance). So while there is not a law that one must be an adult to engage in sex, there is a law that one may not engage in sex with a 15yo if one is >17. And similarly the 15yo can be prosecuted for having sex with a 12yo (and possibly a 13yo, depending on the state). It's important for teens to be aware of the age-of-consent laws of their state because so many highschool seniors turn 18 during their senior year and are subject to all the penalties any older adult is subject to if they have sex with somebody <16. It's not a law saying you must be an adult. But there really are some pretty strict age parameters around consensual sex which teens should be well aware of.

I bring this up because a prestigious New England prep school had a situation last year where a 15yo girl had consensual sex with seniors at her school and they were arrested and charged with statutory rape. So that is one consequence that has zero to do with personal readiness or parental values and everything to do with the law. Teens should be aware.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:37pm
Let me ask you a question - who is in the best position to *objectively* evaluate whether a person is mature enough to begin sexual relations - the teenager whose hormones are engaged, or her parents?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:39pm

"See my post above. I've exlained to you why teens are not the same as adults. Their brains are not fully-developed."

Again, 18 and 19 year old teens *are* considered adults.

And again, Is there a law which states that one must be an adult in order to engage in sex?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:41pm
What is the difference between "teen" and "highschool student"? Unless one turns 20 during senior year (it's possible if you got held back enough), there are 2 years during which a teen is no longer a highschool student.

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