Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 7:56am
But I knew what you meant. What good are values if they're not taught?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 8:57am
OT: The UUA along with the UCC (United Church of Christ) developed a curriculum by age called Our Whole Lives (O.W.L.) It does a great job wrt sex education and all the things that are related. At our Congregation we have a 4 week session in the 1st grade that describes how babies are made and how they grow and are born. It ends with the parents coming in and telling about the child's birth experience (or adoption). The feedback we get from the parents in older grades is that because they started the conversation in 1st grade. They are able to continue it in subsequent grades and maintain an open dialogue. Our Congregation also does a yearlong program in the 8th grade that is usually taught by a couple. I see the teaanagers making thoughtful, educated choices because they are armed with the information. (UUA- Unitarian Universalist Association)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:03am

That's why the Catholic Church is in the shape it's in today.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:07am
Or, on our good days, lived by example, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:31am
I'm afraid we'll have to rely on showing and not telling; mine don't usually listen much to what I say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:57am
i agree with teaching values to our children and do so each and every day - what i do understand is why one would be disappointed if their children grew into values that were different than our own. i love my husband dearly, but he and i do not have all of the same values and it doesnt make me diappointed in him in the least.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 10:13am

We are on the same page here and this was my Mom's approach as well. We worry a lot about their maturity and readiness. I think that making the effort to go get one's own protection is part of the maturing. Handing a teen a condom is no assurance they'll put it on. I fear it might have the ooposite effect; that it just becomes one more thing to shove to the bottom of the backpack/purse after Mom hands it over. I think going to the store and buying it is a huge step in taking responsibility for one's own sexuality- something teen's need to do as part of the maturing process. This may sound peculiar, but I think educating about protection increases the likelihood it will be used but literally handing it over decreases the likelihood it will be used. Handing it over makes it into one more mom nag and also can call up an unwelcome and cold shower image of mom that a teen would rather avoid by just not retrieving the protection from the backpack. If they go out and buy it themselves. I believe they will be more likely to use it because it becomes something THEY have done and removes the unwelcome thought of mom that stands between them and the purchased protection.

The caveat of course is that I'm talking about both my own remembered teen psyche and my observation of dd- who will frequently decide to go without something than accept my help. Example: if she has trouble opening a packaged snack she would rather not have it than accept my help opening it. This is hardly a universal outlook, but this kind of youthful independence isn't all that rare either. Some kids would just as soon have mom do everything for them and have to be pushed to do things on their own- they might actually be more likely to use a condom if mom did all the legwork of acquiring it. But kids of the "I'll do it myself!!" variety might actually be less likely to do it if getting the condom (or pill prescription, or spermicidal goop etc.) is something that was done for them by mom and therefore interjects mom into their sexuality where she is definately not welcome and where they'd rather go without than think that this condom was something mom got for them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 10:16am
If you're not disappointed in your dh, it may be that you've seen eye to eye on most core values so far. My dear deluded mom was plenty disappointed in my sister and her choice of a spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 10:24am

you know, when my daughter was younger i felt pretty much the same way you and to some extent even 3blessed do, but as the time came that this was a reality instead of something many years down the road my outlook has changed.

i actually called the clinic today and asked about the birth control thing. according to them yes, she can go in for an appointment and obtain birth control, which has to do with the ?heppa? law, the same law the requiries them to not discuss with a parent anything that is discussed in an appointment that the parent would set up - so much for snoopy and her forced exam. although it doesnt change my stance that if she comes to me i will help her - for me, i just cant imagine turning my daughter down if she comes to me for help and it is in my power to help her.
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 10:27am
HIPPA - health privacy law

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