Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:15am

Slightly OT, but so then how do you and your DH decide which of your values to present to the kids? And isn't it pretty stressful to be married to someone whose values are so different from yours?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:15am

"Not really. I've said numerous times here that it's my opinion, but it's an opinion that is backed up by something."

And your opinion + it being backed up by something = objective fact/truth/reality how...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:18am
How do you define "objective"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:25am
i will be happy to answer this, but before i do, can you let me know kind of what you mean by values, just to make sure we are on the same page.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:28am

I should have done that before.


For instance, importance of a college education.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:34am
I don't think parents actually choose which values to present to their kids. You can choose which speeches/talks to make at a certain age, but that is the merest sliver. I think values run so deep that they color many conversations and decisions small and large, whether this is spelled out to the kids or not. Every single thing you do and say in their presence is sending a message about what things you do and don't value.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:41am
You're beginning to seem downright reasonable by comparison. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:44am

"All you've offered is that sex is a benefit at 15 because it is."

Actually, I've answered this question a number of times.

Just because you refuse to accept it, doesn't mean I haven't answered it or that my answer is invalid.

BTW, if you expect me to make some sort of blanket statement that seemingly applies to every 15 yo in every situation across the board, it's not going to happen, as I have already clearly stated that I hardly think I (or anyone else for that matter) am in any position to make such statements/judgements/choices/decisions wrt what is objectively true for everyone.

Can you say the same? If not, could you please explain what puts you in the position to make such statements/judgements/choices/decisions wrt what is objectively true for everyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:44am

ok, that is actually something we tend to disagree on. my dh tends to see college as a option, while i see it as a given. but within that difference we do both agree that education is important. for my 15 year old, who college is already starting to pertain to, she knows how we both feel. and we are not the only people she is getting information on this subject from. she has to decide which is the right path for her and in deciding that she has a wealth of information and different views to choose from.

i will give you a few examples of our differences:
he is pro-life i am pro-choice
he is anti-gay marriage i am the opposite
he is very religious, while i dont know that i would say i am very religious, i do think it is important that the kids be exposed to religion, in my view if they are not exposed how can they make a choice for themselves later.
he is more strict with the kids than i am
he is more black and white while i am more gray (if you know what i mean)

Just some examples
but we are the same where it is important, we both love our kids and want only the best for them.
Jennie

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:44am
I've given you all sorts of reasons why sex is not a positive thing for 15-year-olds, as have others here: increased risk of pg and stds, research showing that the 15-year-old brain is not fully developed, etc. You haven't offered a single reason why sex at 15 is beneficial.

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