Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:06pm

In CA I know almost no working people who work 40 hours or less in white collar professions.... ll dual WOHP work 45+ hours and then of course there are commutes.

Oh, we're out there -- we're just flying under your radar. ;) There are a lot of attorneys who have left big firms to start their own practices, who manage to keep their hours pretty under control most weeks. And when I was in-house I was working a 30h/week schedule (negotiated reduced schedule). I'd argue that I was still a "white collar professional". And what about doctors? I know lots of doctors working less than 5 day weeks. There are lots of people working as professionals without working killer hours. Plus, not everyone has much of a commute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:10pm

Hey, I'm all about balance. :)

I just think that a group care situation can provide some things we can't at home. That doesn't mean that I think group care should completely replace her time with me or hanging out with her nanny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:10pm

So why, then, is spending a portion of time in a care ratio of 1:3 or 1:4 less ideal for an infant than a ratio or 1:1 or 1:2? Can you actually demonstrate that the lower ratio is beneficial in some specific way or that the higher ratio is harmful? As a parent who did 1:3 infant/toddler care I can understand why lower ratios are easier for the caregiver, but not why the higher ratio is inherently worse for the child. I am an adult with two hands and a good attention span, lol. I managed to see to the need of each child even in a group. Yes, at some point, a caregiver's capabilities would be pushed beyond their limit, but 1:3 or even 1:4 is certainly not there yet.

I understand a parent *prefering* a 1:1 ratio for their child, but parental preference does not automatically translate into "ideal".

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:14pm

<>

Did you ever hear of instinct? I do not need a manual or a statistic for me to know that I am doing the right thing for my children whether or not I sah. All you need to do is look at your childrne to know if you are doing the right thing. You need a study for every parenting move that you make??

<< Without some kind of data to back up our choices, we have no way of knowing whether or not they are going to produce any difference at all or if that difference will be in the direction we want it to be.>>

Yes, we do.

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I am doing the same thing with sah and returning to work that my mother did. It worled out fine with us. I am doing what mothers have done for centuries..taking care of our children whether or not we work.

Pesonally, I always felt alot of parenting is common sense. Yes, there are times I do read up on something to make sure I am doing something correctly. But, I never needed a study to know that I was doing the right thing by staying at home when they were under 5.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:15pm

Sure parents can divorce, but they don't typically disappear from a child's life unless they die. A sahp who has to go back to work is still in the child's life. You can't completely avoid the risk that a parent won't die, but a dcp could die, too. A dcp doesn't have the long-term interest of a parent in any case.

"Finally, you know that ratios vary considerably with family structure...one-on-one care is definitely not *inherent* in parent care."

I know, that's why I said "typically." The typical family has 2 kids, so typically the ratios are better. Certainly, you can hire a nanny, but not many people do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:15pm

Oh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:16pm

At his age (just about 6.5 years old)?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:18pm
One of the many reasons I had as little interest in using center care for my infants as you did for yours.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:19pm

Again, matters of preference, not ideals.

"But the argument can be made that sah allows siblings to bond and stay together everyday, rather than separating them if they used a dc center."

If a parent *prefers* their children to be together, they will choose a care setting that allows this. My 3 were not separated until preschool - and by that time, making their own friends was a healthy progression.

Same with controlling who children interact with. If a parent prefers compleete control, then they will choose a care setting that allows this. Other parents don't mind that their kids interact with children outside their normal peer group.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:21pm
If your nanny is very good/amazing, what does your DH do for or with your children that's so head and shoulders better than what your nanny does or is?

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