Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:36pm
Each 6 year old is different.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:37pm

Not all SAHPs have those opportunities either, considering the number of families who live far away from cities that have such things.

Dd's dc was not by any stretch unique in our area. It helps to live in a city and have good public transportation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:39pm

"I'm surprised that so many parents here don't think the care they provide is better, but I think this topic is probably just too sensitive for some people."

I think you may have hit the nail on the head.

Robin

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:42pm
Yep thats the plan. No more nanny as of April if DH doesnt have a job.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:42pm
You're right; this was way milder than some threads I've seen. I don't really like the threads where people get too personal. As a lawyer, I'm used to people being able to talk about things in the abstract. I try not to be too obnoxious, but I'm sure I don't always succeed. ;)
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:48pm

you say you can acknowledge a reality - can you also acknowledge that what may be your reality may not be others."

Sure.

" when i woh i had 5-6 hours a day with my kids, not that much less than i am spending in direct activities with my kids as a sahm."

How old were they and how many hours a week did you work? I'm advocating a SAHP or part time WOH or AH parent is best, when that parent is a good parent, for infants and toddlers in particular. Now I personally have no exp as a parent of a non toddler or infant as my two are 2.5...but if I worked even 40 hours a week when they were really little...I'd never get 5-6 hours a day with them. 2 would have been tops and that would have been at just 40 with no commute to or from work.

Now at 2.5 they are up at 7.45 a.m. in bed at 8 /8.30 p.m. I still couldnt get 5-6 hours a day with them!

" i will however acknowledge that there are those sahm's who spend all day doing nothing but being with their kids, i am just not one of those. i like that my kids can go off and play and spend time together or by themselves and dont want or need my there every miniute."

Oh I'd LOVE that too. When my guys are older I'm sure they will.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:48pm
I'm sure that's true. My 6-yr-old is shy, and I think 10 hrs/day would competely overwhelm her. And while my older dd is an extrovert, she needs a lot of down time to think and dream. The first thing she does when she gets home from school is go up to her room by herself for a little while to put on her pjs and decompress. There is so much structure at school that I'm happy my kids get to come home after school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:51pm

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I think the disconnect here is that most people who use othercare cannot see it as a competition between parental care and othercare: They see othercare as something in addition to parental care. That they see othercare + parent care to be better than having only parent care does not mean that they think that othercare is "better". It just means that they see othercare adding something to their children's lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:52pm

"These findings suggest that if parents use high-quality day care, they don’t need to worry about their children. But there is one catch. A study conducted by Ellen Peisner-Feinberg, investigator at FPG, and other Carolina researchers, showed that the average quality of day-care centers was only mediocre. Of 400 centers observed in North Carolina, Connecticut, California, and Colorado, just 14 percent were rated high quality. The rest were mediocre to poor, with 12 percent earning a poor rating."

Statistically, very few day-care situations are what would be rated as high quality. Everyone on these boards claims to have high quality child care, maybe they do, but the numbers prove that many children are in what would be rated as mediocre to poor. I would have to question the validity of some parents' claims that there child care is high quality.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:59pm

"BTW, I just finished reading "The Gender Knot". We women really are our own worst enemy."

We certainly are. Especially, women such as yourself, who actively further the devaluing of women's work. Could you please expalin why you think that the spouting of blatantly degrading ideals is not only a reasonable but responsible means of promoting equality?

We really don't have the power to help ourselves unless we can find a way for men to want women's paid work."

You're only are as powerless, helpless, and besieged by inequality as you think and allow yourself to be. If you want to view yourself and women in general in terms of powerlessness, helplessness, and inequality, than undoubtedly you will experience somewhat of a self-sulfilling prophecy.

"Change, in a patriarchy, will only come when men want it. Particularly white men."

I thoroughly disgree. You can choose to change your dismal POV and your own active devaluing of women's work whenever you want.

"We do have the power to make it better for our daughters though by fighting for change now."

Hmm, what you call "fighting for change" I call actively furthering the devaluing of women's work.

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