Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:06pm

Standing ovation!!!! I couldnt agree with you more particularly your first few paragraphs.

I know my DH would feel more comfortable as a "real" SAHP if there were more dad's doing it. Although we live in a very "progressive" part of NC, we still don't have any friends who are SAHD's. A few have done it briefly, but no one we know personally does. There are a gazillion mom's groups, and only one small dad's group in our community. Everyone assumes its the mom to SAH, its reinforced in the media and accross society from when you are pregnant through to birth and beyond. I've been asked a zillion times since pregnant with the twins if I would be or am a SAHM. DH is never asked.

Yes there *are* SAHDs, but its still the tiny minority. Its assumed something is wrong with SAHDs....even on this board I've heard that sentiment echoed...

MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:06pm

My kids have play dates or organized activities, I'd say, 4 days a week out of 5.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:06pm

This brings up one of the saddest ironies I see in this debate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:07pm

" know as a full time WOHP I'm not with my kids as much as I, or they, would like me to be."

Thank you for your honesty :)

"I personally think its ideal to have at least one parent who can provide that time, attention, and love."

I wholeheartedly agree.

" know our nanny cares for our children, but, othercare is not the same as good parental care. It just isnt."

Again, I wholeheartedly agree!

"But no matter how you slice it...you provide more QT *time* with your kid when you have more time with your kid."

Yes :)

"And I feel that makes a difference."

As do I. Great post!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:09pm

"But to pretend the nanny is as good with the kids as me, or their dad, would be having ourselves on. If you don't know why...then good luck to ya."

Yep!!!

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:11pm

"Anything other than parental love?"

Gee PNJ when you get right down to it...what *is* more important to an infant or toddler than that? We will never agree on this...That's fine. I'm just happy to be married to my DH, and to agree with him that parental love and active involvement *is* incredibly valuable.

Given you think its just as good to have your children in other care, even as infants, I'm actually suprised you don't work in a more intense / lucrative area of law. I mean after all, why not just go for it given it doesnt matter how much time you get with your kids since parental love clearly isnt important to your family values!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:17pm

But how does your DH's parental love translate into providing better care than your nanny's?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:20pm

"The solution doesn't lie in all women resolving never to quit to sah. There will always be some women (and men) who sah. Always."

Yes :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:36pm

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So then, how would my children benefit from a *good* sahp?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:39pm

Yes I have twins and a third baby 16 months younger. Caring for 3 small babies/toddlers at a time was routine for us. Believe it or not, we managed to hold, rock, cuddle, and feed each one. Sometimes I held one while the other two slept, played on the floor, etc. Sometimes I even held/rocked two at once! Yes, caring for only one baby would have been easier for me, but that does not mean that it would have been "more ideal" for the baby.

Frankly, I found that the rare times I did have just one baby to take care of left more time to do other things, like post on the internet :-), do laundry, read a book, etc. With 3 at once, we did *nothing* but take care of kids. Literally. How we spent our time changed far more than the care each child received. And I think something similar goes on with group care at daycares. Infant workers may have 4 babies to care for, but they don't have dishes to do, laundry to fold, or bills to pay. They take care of the babies - and that's it. So no, I don't think babies automatically get less attention when there is more than one to care for - if the caregivers are attentive, they will simply devote more time to caregiving and less time to other things.

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