Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:39pm
my kids do not have the opportunity to do those things on a daily basis, i have other responsibilities than to take my kids to playdates and kinderclasses - although i can say in 15 years of parenting i have yet to feel the need to take my kids to kinderclasses.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:39pm

"Although I often wonder why my kids don't seem to remember certain early experiences that I particularly knocked myself out to create for them"

One theory is that we have to have a good grasp of language in order to remember things.

I don't think experience is unimportant but I think you have to get extreme before you're changing a child's personality with experience. I think experiences play into our personalities or againts them but I think, for the most part, kids adjust to whatever their experiences are no worse for the wear. Neglect or doting can cause damage but if you're within the realm of normal parenting, I don't think experiences matter much.

For example, whether or not you use other care. I just don't see this as mattering unless you get extreme. If I chose a satan worshipping canibal for my day care provider, yeah, there might be problems. I think that if kids get good care and the day care provider isn't modeling behaviors/beliefs that are contrary to those of the parents, things pretty much turn out the same as they would if day care weren't used.

I don't see day to day normal experiences as mattering much. What matters are that children have good care and experiences that allow them to grow. There are many ways to accomplish this.

I believe we are more nature than nurture and it takes something extreme in the nurture department to change the nature of a child. I just don't think decisions like SAH/WOH by themselves matter much. If I stay home and provide good care for my kids and good learning experiences, they will thrive. If I work and both provide these myself and hire someone who also provides them, they will also thrive. I don't believe my kids are going to turn out much differently based on day to day normal experiences. Now, when you get into the abnormal yes.

I have a brother who has issues as an adult that stem from him having to get 3 GG shots a week from the time he was born until he was about 4. I remember it taking mom, me, two doctors and two nurses to hold him down for those shots. He has a fear of needles and doctors to this day and often won't take medications that are prescribed. I can't believe he actually went to the hospital when his wife delivered their first child recently. I think it takes extreme experiences to change us. Normal experiences we just adapt to. Adapt is what children do best. It doesn't matter what culture they are born into, they adapt to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:40pm
that would be us......jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:49pm
i agree, its a personality thing, my two little ones ages 2 and 7 adore each other and love each others company, even though the older one is gone to school for 7 hours a day
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:53pm

I agree 100%. But still, for the amount of angst we see here about every detail of early childhood, kids forget an awful lot. When my dd2 was a daisy girl scout (kindergarten), I was a troop co-leader. I helped plan and carry out lots of fun organized activities that were quite a bit of work to put together.

Well, last September dd2, now in 7th grade, had a girl in her class over after school. She said she "just met her". This girl was in the daisy girl scout troop with dd2; I remembered her like it was yesterday, and all the things we did. But neither of them remembered ever having known each other. We could have just sat around and strung beads for 20 daisy scout meetings, and these kids would have been just as happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:57pm
The evidence? You still make less than a man does. You said so yourself.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:02pm
I agree that there is no excuse for it but I would definately say that it plays a part in it. I guess men could ask the same question. Why do women get an easier standard to be a fireman or a policeman? They get an more time to run and less weight to carry to qualify yet make the same money. Again it doesn't matter if you don't agree with me. But as long as women are receiving an easier qualification for any job it will always affect pay across the board.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:27pm
parental love doesnt cease to exist just because one is not in the same building with a child. my kids have parental love every day even though they are at school 5 days week
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:32pm
Yes, they are different. There is no comparison.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:42pm

You don't need a graduate degree to be a SAHM. So how is it that you perceive WOH and SAH as equal?"

Since when is a graduate degree required to be succesful at anything? Michael Dell; Larry Elison; Bill Gates -- don't have graduate degrees. I didnt have a graduate degree when I started earning 6 figures. My DH didnt have a graduate degree when he made his first pile of money.

I know many SAHM's who *have* graduate degrees...in fact, I don't know any SAHM's who don't have undergraduate degrees!

Geesh. Another uncalled for post with a snobby elitist attitude.

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