Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:44am

I wonder if it's their personalities, what they're used to or their ages (or a combination).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:49am

There are several factors involved, so I can't really say for sure.


How would your relationship with your children change if your DH were home for supper every night and you were WOH 45 hours a week?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:02am
I would answer the question if could figure out what it has to do with the discussion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:26am

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First, I would like to point out, I agree with you on getting an education. I think it is wonderful that you have your masters degree, and you are paid so highly because of it. I agree that financially my husbands career does not pay near $100,000 a year as your career demands. Even when I return to work my income after my degree will be somewhere in the amount of $50,000 to $55,000 a year.

The point I am trying to make, is although I think it's wonderful that you are so highly educated, how does that make you not equal to me, in the terms of raising children. I can agree, that you can provide much more in terms of an elite college fund than my DH and I could. However, we have a house, two cars, nice home furnishings, we take two vacations a year, have a healthy retirement account, a savings account, and a college fund started for both kids, and we dont need $150,000 to $250,000 a year income to live like that. We are both providing our children what they need. I don't believe because I'm SAH, that my children are better for it. I don't understand how one can think because they WOH, that their children are better for it. We are *equal* in regards to being women with children to raise in this crazy world, and education doesn't make one a better parent.

<>

Personally, and I've said this before, I actually prefer to WOH. I think I'm more extroverted of a person than to SAH for more than just a few years.

Felicia, I have a question. Do you believe that as women/mothers, that you and I are even possible to being equal? Or do you believe since I have nothing more than some college education (no degree yet), that you are actually better than myself? If you do believe that you are better than myself, or anyone for that fact without a masters degree, what are you teaching your children to value? I believe education is so important Felicia, but not more important that the value of who someones character is (yes, even if they are not as educated as you are.) If education/income are the measuring stick as to someones worth in regards to being *equal*, what if one of your handsome boys falls in love, and marries someone who is not as educated as he is? Would you always believe that they are not equal, thus your son married beneath him?

Julia

Julia

Proud Mommy of Macey and Reece

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:50am

I don't see how you could answer that question anymore than I could answer your previous one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:55am

"Why do people spend the effort, time and money to get education that they may not need to be financially secure?" Because a particular education is often the best or only way to hold a particular job. And people often desire a particular job even if doing something else would get them more money, and even if they don't actually NEED that money to be financially secure. I once knew a man who was a pretty extreme example of that principle. He was independently wealthy via family money but still got a PhD in art history because that was the only way he was going to get the job that he craved- working in an art museum fussing with the different pieces of art to preserve and/or restore them. A job- for the luckiest people- is more than simply a means of income. It's also an enjoyable way to spend the day doing something they love and that they wouldn't be trusted to do if they didn't have a particular education.

"Why do some people choose to WOH when they don't have to, if whether you're a SAH or WOHM is all "equal" anyway?" Presumably a rhetorical question since you've already argued strongly for the merits of CTWOHM in other threads. But anyhoo, it's simply how some people prefer to spend their day. Two things can be "equal" in the sense that the kids will turn out how they turn out regardless, but the person who has pure free choice may simply prefer to spend time a particular way. Madonna strikes me as the sort of savvy busineswoman who would invest her money wisely. I have no doubt she could cease touring today without taking a lifestyle hit if she actually WANTED to be a SAHM. But she clearly craves the spotlight and her decision to keep touring is not mandated by how much it costs to put 2 kids in private school (a heck of a lot less than she's got).

I also believe SAHM and WOHM are equal in the bigger picture. The multi-year history of this board is full of compelling arguments about why it is not a factor in what kind of adults children grow up to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 10:00am

I do not believe work status has much, if anything, to do with how well you are raising your children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 10:14am

They are materially different in that one person is qualified for a particular type of job and the other isn't. So they won't be equal in the eyes of an employer when applying for a job that requires that degree. But outside of that narrow area, how are they materially different? If we both applied for a job that required a law degree, I would not be equal to you because I haven;t got one. But if we both applied for a job that required a biology degree, you would not be equal to me even though you have an advanced degree and I don't- because an undergraduate biology degree trumps a graduate law degree in a biology lab. And if we both applied to a modeling agency to be runway models, neither of us would get it and the job would go to a girl who was barely old enough to have a highschool diploma, if that. Because in some jobs, degrees are utterly irrelevent.

So the material difference is only meaningful in a very narrow sphere (a very specific job market) and is trumped in other spheres by other material differences- such as youth and beauty, innate talent, temperment (some jobs can only be done by those with no fear of heights, for example) and social class one was born into.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 10:17am

"Ok, so riddle me this: why do people spend the effort, time and money to get education that they may not need to be financially secure?"

1)They are not sah forever.

2)Plus, not everyone's education makes them financially secure- Some people major in art or anthropology or comparative english literature. Some people get "educated" because they love the topic- it's not all about being financially secure.

"Why do some people choose to WOH when they don't have to, if whether you're a SAHM or WOHM is all "equal" anyway? "

Personality differences, world view differences, different personal experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 10:18am
Do you think SAHMs and WOHMs are materially different, or equal?

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