Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:45pm

Why do you keep assuming that a sah woman is not self-sufficient? And what study (please give me the link if one exists) could ever prove that sah is bad for children?

The problem with your analytical personality is that you forget you are dealing with humans. My children are my responsibility. I have always been a pretty strong woman. I have never had a man walk all over me. MY mother was very forward thinking for her age and sah and woh when I was older. There is no way you are going to convince me that in order for my children to do well in life I need to work when they are young.

What could a daycare center, nanny, othercare provider do for my children that I cannot do? What benefit would it have been for them at 8 weeks old or even at 3?

I think daycare is fine for children. But, it is not necessary for a child's development. Sah in itself (I am not talking financial) is never harmful unless the mother is abusive.

Edited: And you keep talking about logic. Logic tells me that I am my children's mother. I find nothing odd about the fact that as babies, toddlers and preschool years I feel the need to be the one caring for them on a daily basis. Logic tells me I am the perfect choice. Logic tells me that it is odd to think I need daycare and a job to prove I am a woman. Logic also tells me that the whole point to the woman's movement was choice. We have choices now that we did not have years ago. I have the *choice* to sah. My dh never filled my head with his female degrading mantras. I think I am intelligent enough to decide for myslf whether or not sah makes sense for my family. it feels right.




Edited 2/14/2006 4:53 pm ET by debbiemom2girls
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:46pm

Well, I don't think you're a bad mom at all. Maybe a little grasping, greedy, anti-feminine, with odd notions of gender equality and a basically abrasive outlook lol.

But the part that's really, really hard to understand is how all this gets translated into these hidebound "truths" about what's good for kids. I mean, they're the ones we should really be interested in doing right by, based on something more solid than our gut reactions or traditions or what have you. It's crappy to think they could sometimes be the victims of our mythologies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:49pm

I disagree- some things are just different. A vacation to Athens isn't better than a vacation to Paris- just different - both add to life.

A hike up a mountain isn't better than a canoe down a river- just different- both add to life.

Men and women are different- but one is not better than the other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:49pm

*** is there one that is better than the other? ***

Yes Grey's Anatomy is better than Desperate Housewives.

***Do you have 2 favorite restauirants? Is one better than the other?***

Yes one is better than the other.

***It is possible to appreciate differences between things without ranking them.***

Sure you can. You don't have to rank anything you don't want to. Doesn't change the fact that everything is better or worse.

You seem to think that when I say something is better or worse that is a bad thing. I can say that is incorrect. For example. I like vanilla ice cream on my pie. Doesn't make chocolate ice cream bad just not good with my pie. I would bet if you were honest with yourself you would know that you rank things all the time.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:51pm
Sure you can like them equally well YET you liked them for different reasons right? One is better because it is sweet. One is better with steak. See?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:51pm
No one can. I really don't understand why you are having a hard time.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:53pm
I didn't see a blanket statement. They may be what this was about. Yet I was very clear that better and worse are individual choices.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:54pm
Yes and No. I am the better parent on many levels of our children's lives. Yet in other areas I am not. Didn't you say you were too? I believe I read in one of your posts a while back that your children prefer you because you take more interest in them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:56pm
I am not sure why you are having such a hard time reading that I have clearly said numerous times. Better and worse are individual choices. My better and worse are not yours. You prefer one wine over the other for certain dinner choices. So one is better than the other still.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:59pm
Therefore strippers are more important than teachers? I disagree. I do think that in our society *some* people feel the almightly dollar is the arbiter of worth. However, there is a large number of people that would disagree- teachers, nurses, professors, ministers, fire and police personell, EMTs, Supreme Court Justices, social workers.........

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