Who has influenced your sah/woh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who has influenced your sah/woh
2912
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:39pm

opinion to DIFFER. What I mean is--is there anyone on this board or in real life whose opinion/reasoning/debating/facts started to make your thinking more to the middle? As in if you thought sah or woh was best & then after some discussion/thought, you began to think that whatever is best for each family--really there is no one best way, etc.

We just really needed a new thread here!!!!!!!!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 6:55pm
You are unable to concieve of a world where things aren't all divided up into better/worse dichotomies. This is your narrow POV, but it isn't an objective fact or even a particularly common POV.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 6:58pm

LOL. Honestly, this isn't about what's good for kids. Kids thrive regardless of moms working status so, ignoring finances, this isn't about what's good for kids.

However, given the poverty rates of kids in this country, and including finances, I think we can make a strong arugment that improving women's ability to earn a living would be beneficial to them.

And yes, I am abrasive. You have to be if you want people to listen. People wear blinders and ignore the more mundane arguments. The stronger ones get their dander up but they make them think. They may not buy them in entirety but there's a good chance they'll walk away with a different understanding.

The truth is, this isn't about our kids. It's about us. Motherhood isn't who we are, it's a phase of our lives. We really do need to look at the whole picture in deciding what to do. There are lots of times in our lives when we want something now but it's really not in our best interest. That we want something doesn't equate with it being good or good for us. I've seen that too many times with moms staying home.

I've said before that my kids are older and I am now watching many of my daughter's friends and their parents pay a price for having stayed home before. Some of them have no choice but to take whatever job they can get and work whatever hours they are told to now because their skills are stale and they have a need to make up for lost time or pay off debt run up while they stayed home.

The number of former stay at home moms who are now struggling single parents is mind blowing. I know 50% of marriages end in divorce but it's amazing how many of those divorces happen after kids. Over and over I see mom trying to restart a career now as a single mom with no seniority or vacation time to speak of and lower wages than she would have had if she'd never quit to stay home. And I see what it's done to the children. Not that a divorce wouldn't be bad for mine but finances wouldn't be something I'd have to worry about and I've been where I am long enough that I could get away with taking a lot of time off to help my kids through it. How different it is for a former stay at home mom who now must spend less time with her kids because she needs to work and can't help them through that time. Because I never left the work force, if I did end up divorced (unlikely as that may be), I'd be in position to give my kids more support not less.

I don't think staying home is automatically harmful but I do think you need to look at the future ramifications and make a logical decision about the costs and there are costs. Now isn't the only time that counts in our lives and staying home not the only way to raise healthy and happy children. If I can raise happy and healthy children regardless of my working status then this isn't about my children. It's about something else. What it's usually about is what mom wants and all too often she doesn't think about the costs. Just what she wants. (then she starts repeathing the stay at home is better mantra to make her decision look like the better one and elevate her self importance but I digress....).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:17pm
There isn't a whole when it comes to SAH or WOH. There are way too many variables.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:20pm

***soil***

Yes if it weren't the better soil it wouldn't be as good.

***the way the grapes were picked***

If they weren't picked the better way it wouldn't be as good.

***container***

If in the worse container it wouldn't taste as good.

***pressing***

If not pressed the better way it wouldn't taste as good.

Shall I go on?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:21pm
Often I think the best way to take care of our kids, especially our girls, is to take good care of ourselves and make sure we don't lose our way in the world of work. I suggested as much in a thread about a year ago and got slammed bigtime. A lot of people don't think kids pay any attention to what they see us do. Baffling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:21pm
No I don't. But if you want to ask me I will answer. I don't care which of my children is better at what. Doesn't really make a hill of beans to me. To be quite frank they don't compete. They aren't doing any of the same things so it really doesn't matter.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:22pm
It is a debate board correct? This went off into wines, and into ice creams. I didn't start that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:28pm
Um, no. Don't go on. It's clear that your POV that literally everything must adhere to the better/worse dichotomy is unshakeable. Just try to understand that this POV is not held by everyone and is not the only way to see the world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:29pm
See post 114 then follow along.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:29pm

Individual differences, of course. But differences that correlate systematically with what kind of care they had, especially when they were little? No way.

Who said anyone had to put their kids into group care at a young age? The fact that many do, not only willingly but quite happily, speaks to the popularity of othercare. All those parents feel as we do about wanting what's best for their kids. Can they all be wrong?

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