Who is raising your children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Who is raising your children?
553
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 3:15pm

First a few disclaimers - if you are a single or divorced parent, you probably don't have a choice between being a SAHP or a WOHP, (unless you are independently wealthy and then i'm very jealous of you!), most likely you have to WOH to be able to provide the basics for your children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:47pm

i know you have said you have SAH friends but have you ever had the opportunity to SAH yourself?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:49pm
Well, isn't that a pleasant way to welcome a newcomer?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:53pm

The end result, the effect on teh child, is the same.


i think this ought

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:53pm

FTR,i have WOH and i have SAH and i continue to flex my schedule around my kids.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:56pm

How is the end result different if a mom CHOOSES to work or HAS to work? The child is still in the care of the same provider, still has the same household income, still has the same experiences and interactions, etc. The *only* difference is whether or not mom CHOOSES or HAS TO work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:57pm

i agree about the primary parent thing..just because i'm around more than DH is doesn't make me primary and him secondary.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:58pm

Your experience is still limited to *one* family and still anecdotal too.

I, too, have sah, ftwoh and ptwoh. Each worked well at the time we did it. For my family, my sah has been important during the elementary years. My woh was important during the first few years. However, we have some fairly unique issues- but doesn't everyone. My experience is one (or more) more data point.

I think our collective experiences illustrate how each family has different "bests" (and "good enoughs") that are determined by each individual family situation and dynamics.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:59pm

Uh, okay?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 6:08pm

I guess I never had any trouble with my kids bonding with other caregivers as well as myself. We had the same wonderful daycare providers for something like 8 years, with a rather stable group of children under their care (a mother-daughter team who took in ten children ages infant to 12); it was a nice way to grow up. I approved of their menus and didn't fuss if for some reason the the fresh peaches that they'd said they were going to serve had turned brown and they had to sub in bananas that day. And if the kid got dirty and had to change clothes, we had a spare set there for them.

One difference between the "have to work" single parent and the married couple where both choose to work is that usually, the married couple is able to afford the best quality child care that is available, while someone with a more limited income might have to settle for a center or something that wouldn't be the first choice of anyone who DID have a choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 6:13pm

Parents have the same choice at six as they had at birth -- whether they are going to entrust part of the child's care and education to someone else, or whether they are going to do the job on their own.

I had far more trouble just sending my kids off to school and trusting that the teacher would be someone suitable for teaching my kids than I did with daycare. With daycare, I interviewed the people extensively, made sure their values were the same as mine, even got a choice as to the religious practices my kid would be exposed to (while it wasn't a sine qua non for me, the fact that my providers were the same faith and said grace with the kids and celebrated the same religious holidays we did was nice). With the local school, often you meet the kindergarten or first grade teacher who is going to have charge of your kid a week before school starts. You might not know a thing about him or her, and you don't get to observe that person interacting with kids or anything. But somehow, since your kid is five or six, it's magically now OK. Never understood that.

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