Why are working moms so angry and defensive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Why are working moms so angry and defensive?
56
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 1:26am
This whole board is extremely scary to approach if you are a sahm and love doing it or at least feel you are doing the right thing for your child. The minute a sahm says my children love me at home or I don't want anyone else taking care of them during the day, the working moms immediately start making sarcastic remarks, such as "oh, I guess I am hurting my kids by working" or you start acting as if they are more intelligent or have a higher education than sahm's. Frankly, I believe the defensiveness and anger comes from guilt and insecurity. Maybe, deep down inside you think that your child wants you around more. Ok, start going crazy on me for stating an opposing thought that goes against the mob.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2012
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 11:13am

Too much pressure, feeling like the weight of the world is placed upon their shoulders; having to meet the demands of the children, husand/boyfriend/commonlaw partner, while feeling totally unappreciated, under valued and receiving an unreasonable salary to meet all the financial needs and trying to strive to meet level(s) of perfection each day to meet all the expectations/needs of each. The employer not having daycare centers at work and inadequate parking facilities, having to worry about going out and putting money in the parking meter before the time on the meter expires and/or finding a parking ticket placed on the windshield which each cannot afford to pay. Alwaysbeing the onewho needs to make dinner after a hard day's work, members never expressing appreciation for the efforts she put in to create a healthy and nutritous meal, feeling as though is is taken for granted every hour of the day; while wondering when she can come home and find dinner all prepared and all shehas t do is sit down and eat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 10:37am
janiebean2 wrote:
Mommy guilt was not created by men. It's something many women actually feel. It could be rational or irrational, but it is certainly real. I have nothing to defend. I posted my position and that's it. Women need to do what is best for their families, but from everything I have read and experienced, many working women on these boards are angry and defensive towards sahm's. They are to the point of militant. You choose to work because you feel it's better for yourself and family. So, why so hostile towards women who choose not to work and be with their kids during the day and not just at night and on the weekends. Everyone makes choices, so stop the bs.

Nope.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 7:29am
janiebean2 wrote:
Mommy guilt was not created by men. It's something many women actually feel. It could be rational or irrational, but it is certainly real. I have nothing to defend. I posted my position and that's it. Women need to do what is best for their families, but from everything I have read and experienced, many working women on these boards are angry and defensive towards sahm's. They are to the point of militant. You choose to work because you feel it's better for yourself and family. So, why so hostile towards women who choose not to work and be with their kids during the day and not just at night and on the weekends. Everyone makes choices, so stop the bs.

How can we possibly answer your questions?

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 5:31am
Who has been hostile to SAHMs? The only thing that typically gets people riled is when someone tries to argue that it is BETTER and makes for superior children for a family to have a SAHM. But that is not hostility towards SAHMs, just exasperation with an unsupportable argument. Personally, the other one that gets me riled is the plaintive cry of "BUT, little children WANT their mommies." Well, yeah, but not 24/7 necessarily, as my darling baby was happy to point out to me as soon as she had the verbal skills to do so properly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 3:45am
Yea, My kids have gotten used to having a parent SAH, And so have I.... And when the alternative is no food, clothes, electricity or roof over your head I'd say it is in a family's best interest to have mom WOH too.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 10:51pm
Mommy guilt was not created by men. It's something many women actually feel. It could be rational or irrational, but it is certainly real. I have nothing to defend. I posted my position and that's it. Women need to do what is best for their families, but from everything I have read and experienced, many working women on these boards are angry and defensive towards sahm's. They are to the point of militant. You choose to work because you feel it's better for yourself and family. So, why so hostile towards women who choose not to work and be with their kids during the day and not just at night and on the weekends. Everyone makes choices, so stop the bs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 5:53pm
I've never been defensive or angry, nor have I ever once felt guilty for providing for my family. I would probably end up going bat s&$^ crazy after staying home with my children for more than a week or two. I have never understood "mommy guilt" since I know my boys would rather have food, clothes, and electricity than spend an extra day or two a week ignoring my existence while they did whatever it is boys do, mostly play video games, run in circles with the dog, or wrestle. I know because I asked them once, after reading about mother's feeling guilty; I was wondering if I should feel guilty for not feeling guilty. They assured me they didn't want me around more if it meant they would be poorer, so get your butt to work already. I think women in this country should stop arguing about who's better already and start working together: "Mommy guilt" is an invention probably made by some insecure men to keep us from surpassing them, duh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 10:37am

Ok, start going crazy on me for stating an opposing thought that goes against the mob.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 11:23am

It has been 3 days since your op.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 10:03am
No anger or defensiveness here. I'm happy with the choices my DH and I have made throughout our lives (which) has included several different work/childcare situations). I'm happy for others whose choices are different than mine?

Why do you seem to be so accusatory and jumping to conclusions?