Why do I meet them all in person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Why do I meet them all in person?
824
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:28pm
I know a lot of you have said that you have never heard anyone in real life talk about SAH/WOH. Once again I met someone who feels daycare "raises" children. I went to a new group tonight, and one of the women was talking about her daughter. When I said I had a daughter too, she asked me if I "had the privilege of SAH or if I had to work." Then, she went on to talk about how she wouldn't want her husband to SAH while she worked. And then about how if she worked her mom or daycare would be raising her daughter. If you have run into these people, how do you handle it? Do you think it is regional? An indicator of SES? Something else?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:31pm
Well I don't really have a filter, I would pretty much tell her like I see it in a very sarcastic way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:42pm
I've never had it happen to me as both a SAHM and a FTWOHM but I'm sure it does happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:15pm

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I hear it all the time, and I am not even working yet (in school). I generally just say I don't see it that way and then tell them it's great that they get to stay home if that's what they want. If people persist, I may explain that my mom had a career and I fully believe it was a positive influence on me. And then, if I can, I get away from that person and make a mental note to avoid that person in the future.

I do wonder if it's regional. I'm not in WV, but I'm only about fifteen minutes away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:30pm

I always have to laugh when people make comments that either they know nothing about or that they don't think about first.


I haven't really run into the sah/woh issue in real life, but parenting issues in general.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:52pm

I guess you develop a thicker skin over time or maybe you just start running in circles with people that have like lives to your own.

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:10pm

I'm always a little taken aback when someone lacks the social skills to refrain from saying something that will alienate half the room, IRL, especially if they do it in a bombastic way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 2:43am

As others have said, it is rarely worth it to engage with this kind of dense material. It would be tempting, however, to say with awed concern that you are very sorry that she grew up with such an abusive mother.

As to whence this sort of gratuitous spewing comes, I really don't know, but would venture that even if her mother was not in fact abusive she certainly failed to bestow even minimal social grace on her dd. In my grumpiness I might also jump to the conclusion that your new "friend" belongs to one of the more out there Evangelical sects.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 4:57am
I meet them in person all the time.
If *anyone* asks me who watches my daughter while I am working, I simply tell them that that isn't something I discuss. It doesn't matter who they are or what their intentions are. I have had too much condemnation from sahms to volunteer to go there anymore, with anyone. She's my child, and where she is is my business.
If someone directly asked me if it was my choice or if I "had to" I would probably completely disclose that it was my choice, and *why* it was my choice, and why I feel it was the right choice in the long run. No one ever asks me that, though. People just assume that because I work in stead of sah, I must be in dire financial straits, or else why would I be doing it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 7:27am
Which state?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 7:33am
I can never think of good comebacks. Sometimes I wish I could though!

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