Why do some parents have to be so

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Why do some parents have to be so
1221
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 1:51pm
ridiculously difficult. I am a SAHM that decided this year I would watch a couple of children to make some extra money. I have lurked on this board a lot and notice quite a few WOHM here. I just stopped watching this one baby that I just couldn't figure out the parents. The baby was a mess all the time. She was sick, had multiple respiratory problems, and cried all the time. Every time I called the parents to pick the baby up due to wheezing, or fever they seemed annoyed with me. Which I thought was odd. I have a strict policy that if the children have green noses they must go home. Also if the children have a fever they must go home and not return for 24 hours after the fever has broken or on antibiotics. Well I could never figure out why the baby cried so much until I was talking to the mother. Apparently they allow this baby to sit in a swing in the evenings and on weekends to get her to sleep. So the only time this baby naps during the day on the weekends is in a swing. Well that is not going to happen here. The baby is almost 20 lbs and I am not purchasing a swing for this child to sleep in. So according to the mother this child goes home around 5:30 or 6pm and sleeps from 6:30 until 6:30 the next day. No wonder...she won't nap here. So I told the mother that if I couldn't get the baby to nap during the day then I would no longer be keeping this baby. Well I guess she didn't believe me and I gave these parents a 1 week notice. I can't imagine having my baby that I haven't seen all day sleep a half hour after I got home and sleep until the next morning. I have tried for 4 months to get this baby on a schedule. When the other 2 children I have take their nap this child screams and screams. Just weird to me that a parent would want this for their child.

   

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:46am

I don't get the resistance to spend money on THE thing she insists would have worked. While a special swing might not have been in the plan, it sounds like the 4 months she had this baby would have been MUCH MUCH easier with one (assuming it is the actual cause and the baby isn't just reacting to a high strung dcp). Why would you do that to yourself?

I also don't get why this baby was so set in her ways at 8 weeks when she started at this day care. My kids barely had a routine at 8 weeks but this one was addicted to a particular swing to sleep (if true, this makes me wonder if there isn't some kind of physical problem with the baby that makes it hard for her to get comfortable) and in 4 months time, she could not train the baby to a routine at her day care.

My dcps trained the kids they cared for to their routines. They never told me to train my kids for them. Really, you can't train a baby that young for someone else. What they do for you the parent can be quite different from what they do for someone else. Babies respond differently to different people.

Why make things miserable on the principle that you shouldn't have to buy a swing when you know the swing is what works? I don't get why this woman was so put out over buying a swing. I'd think the 4 months of no naps would be far worse than buying a swing. If I knew a baby had to have a certain swing to fall asleep and I was the one putting up with her crying all afternoon long, there's no question what I'd do. The price of the swing is worth my peace of mind.

I used to have trouble putting dd#1 to sleep. I don't know why. I just did but her father could do it in 5 minutes. He could get her to sleep but he could not train her to sleep for me. I had to find my own way to get her to sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:47am
Okay, how are YOU going to stop your 1 year old from biting at day care when you aren't even there when they do the biting?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:51am

Yes you did solve it but not the way a good dcp would. That is something you should think about. It's only a matter of time before the next baby spends 4 miserable months in your house beause she doesn't fit the mold you want for the kids in your care.

I'm glad this baby has moved on. Hopefully, she and her parents can find someone who understands that parents can't control their babies behavior at day care and treat them both with some kindness.

I have no issue with you letting her go. The baby was miserable in your care and that is not a good thing. What I take issue with is your insistance that as her dcp you had no responsibility to help solve this problem. You wanted a BABY to do things your way or the highway. That is not the attitude of a good dcp.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:55am

Dcp's HAVE to deal with the issues that come up at dc because THEY are the ones there.

With very young children, you have to deal with things right then and there. In time, they learn the routine. I really don't get the people insisting that the parents can train the baby to respond a certain way to someone else outside of their home? What they do is train the baby to respond to them inside their home. And in this case, the parents were the ones who could actually get the baby to sleep and the dcp couldn't. So why is the dcp trying to tell the parents what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:00am

"i know i would have done whatever i needed to do"

Yup. The only way I could get dd#1 down for a nap was to rock her and nurse her into oblivian. Each baby has their own personality and you do what works.

It was impossible to get dd#2 down for a nap. She just kind of went until she stopped in her tracks and passed out, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:07am

I'll just follow you around and agree with you. You rock!

My kids are so different that I could not treat them the same way. Not for putting them down for nap time or anything else. With dd#1, I could nurse her into oblivian but that did not work with her sister. Dd#2 wasn't napping until she was good and ready to nap and you might as well not fight it because all you do is make you and her miserable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:10am

Um, is she not the one dealing with a crying baby 5 days a week? I'd say that's her problem. The parents don't have this problem. They have the magic swing.

Honestly, I do not get this insistence that the dcp shouldn't have to buy a swing. A swing is much cheaper than the stress of a crying baby for 4 months. Let's see, spend some money and write it off and have peaceful afternoons or stand my ground make myself and this child miserable to make a point. Which is the mature and professional thing to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:12am
And a small price to pay for your sanity. I just can't wrap my brain around choosing to make yourself and this poor little baby miserable for 4 months rather than buying a swing. Given that the swing would reduce her and the baby's stress levels at nap time, I think I'd get over the purcase price really fast. Dealing with a crying baby just isn't fun. Swings are cheaper.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:13am
Excaclty what did I fabricate in that post. Please cut paste and explain why what I wrote is a fabrication.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:17am

Sometimes I wonder about our dcp. She had a very hard time of it when we chose to move the girls to the day care program at the school (logistics once dd#1 was in school and dd#2 in preschool). She offered to drive them but later thanked me for not taking her up on that. It would have been a nightmare. She just didn't want to lose the girls and I think she would have agreed to anything to get us to keep them there.

We used to visit frequently but that has fallen off over the years. We still run into her every now and again at the indoor pool in our city.

Maybe dcp love is like grandparent love. I know it runs deep.

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