Why do some parents have to be so

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Why do some parents have to be so
1221
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 1:51pm
ridiculously difficult. I am a SAHM that decided this year I would watch a couple of children to make some extra money. I have lurked on this board a lot and notice quite a few WOHM here. I just stopped watching this one baby that I just couldn't figure out the parents. The baby was a mess all the time. She was sick, had multiple respiratory problems, and cried all the time. Every time I called the parents to pick the baby up due to wheezing, or fever they seemed annoyed with me. Which I thought was odd. I have a strict policy that if the children have green noses they must go home. Also if the children have a fever they must go home and not return for 24 hours after the fever has broken or on antibiotics. Well I could never figure out why the baby cried so much until I was talking to the mother. Apparently they allow this baby to sit in a swing in the evenings and on weekends to get her to sleep. So the only time this baby naps during the day on the weekends is in a swing. Well that is not going to happen here. The baby is almost 20 lbs and I am not purchasing a swing for this child to sleep in. So according to the mother this child goes home around 5:30 or 6pm and sleeps from 6:30 until 6:30 the next day. No wonder...she won't nap here. So I told the mother that if I couldn't get the baby to nap during the day then I would no longer be keeping this baby. Well I guess she didn't believe me and I gave these parents a 1 week notice. I can't imagine having my baby that I haven't seen all day sleep a half hour after I got home and sleep until the next morning. I have tried for 4 months to get this baby on a schedule. When the other 2 children I have take their nap this child screams and screams. Just weird to me that a parent would want this for their child.

   

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:27pm
Strange as it may seem to those who didn't involve others early on, my kids NEVER tried to nurse with dh, lol. They seemed to know I was the one with the open milk bar. If they wanted to nurse and dh picked them up, they'd holler in protest not root for a nipple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:29pm
Plus, the baby doesn't expect THE swing at the dcp's because she's never had it there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:32pm

I commented on how my kids expected different things from different people. I never claimed I tried to train my kids to sleep another way and failed. I simply said it was the only way I could get them to sleep yet all dh had to do was stroke their hair and our dcp, rub their backs.

Babies learn what to expect from each person. They expected nursing from me. I probably could have trained them another way if I'd wanted to go through the effort but I didn't. Most of the time I found nursing them into oblivion rather enjoyable and so did they.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:36pm

Humor me and list the steps you'd take. Exactly how would you "parent the behavior"?

You do realize that your presence at day care changes everything, right? While our dcp had no problem getting my girls down for a nap without nursing when I wasn't there, if I was there, guess what my kids expected?

Observing at day care would only work if you could observe via hidden camera or through a two way mirror. You can tell way more by the way the baby responds to the dcp than you can by observing. People tend to be on good behavior or exaggerate things when they're being watched.

I knew I had no issues with my dcp because of the way my kids greeted her in the morning. The ease at which they made the transition and because they never had difficulty with things like napping at her house. Those are signs of babies who feel secure where they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:38pm

How did you not realize it when you QUOTED ME!!!!!

Here's a link to your post quoting me saying "BABY".

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=17504.437&

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Bull chit, the parent does control how a child responds and it is the parent's place to deal with the response. >>>

How can you quote me saying something and then claim you didn't know I said it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:40pm

You couldn't have been LESS clear. You QUOTED me saying "baby" and then told me "bull chit"

Why would you quote a post about BABIES when you meant children?

I don't have an issue with parents working with dcp's with older children who understand what they did and actually remember it hours later but see no point when you're talking about a baby/toddler who doesn't. It's needless trauma for the child who doesn't understand why mommy arrived at dc to pick them up mad at them.




Edited 2/12/2007 6:04 pm ET by gr8fulmom1
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:59pm
You're kidding right? You do realize that some parents don't have a choice as to whether or not to work and might hope that something like nap issues would work itself out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:00pm
The parent isn't ignoring what she isn't seeing. Since I can't control the behavior from afar, it's up to dcp to control the behavior. I'll deal with it if I see it at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:05pm

No need to discuss things a child doesn't understand. That just confuses them. I don't know about your kids but it was pretty apparent when mine started to understand. Their actions changed. I could tell when I picked them up, by their response to my arrival, that something wasn't right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:42pm

<<>>

No I am sorry I never said that a child wont adapt.

<<>>

Well I looked through the first dozen or so posts and I never saw one post where she stated that the parents provide the swing or stop using it.

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I am not really sure what you are saying here. Can you please clarify? But let me make this clear. I am not chastising anyone. My personal view is that if the DCP needed a specific swing like the parents swing to help that baby sleep then the parents should have provided it.

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