Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:17am
Housewife here. I do the majority because I have more time when you look at the big picture. But I certainly don't do it all. I'm not expected to do it all. My husband helps clean, helps cook. He changes diapers, gives baths, walks and cuddles a colic baby, does middle of the night feedings, runs to the grocery, mixes up formula, makes bottles, dusts, sweeps, pulls the furniture and appliances out to clean under/behind them, runs to walmart, runs errands, does laundry from start to finish, he even irons. He scrubs the toilets, cleans the shower, and runs DS places. All the same as I do. We don't have a his/her chores list in this house. You see it needs to be done, do it. It isn't my place to do every little thing. Yes, I do the majority. I definately don't do it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 7:23am
For me it is a time issue.

When I was a SAHM I had more hours in the home so I did the majority of the running of the household. I did most of the cleaning/laundry/shopping etc during the hours that he was at work so we both pretty much had our evenings/weekends free.

When I went back to work then I gave up some of what I had been doing (mainly the yard work) but since I work part time and he full I still do more.

But yes it should be whatever works best for the married couple.

Edited to add:

For me housework and parenting are two seperate issues. When we are both in the home we are equal as far as tending to the children.

Edited 6/7/2003 7:27:21 AM ET by texigan

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 8:41am
What she should do is determined by what works for her family but, IMO, someone who is honme all day has no right to expect help from others by sheer virtue of having 50 more hours a week at home to get things done. If the dh wants to help out, great but that should be his choice since he's already put in 50 hours of work before he got home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 9:38am
Up until last September, I only worked about 16 hours/week, so I did do it all as far as inside work was concerned. Since both kids are in school, I really was able to do everything easily and still have leisure time for myself. My husband has always done all the outside work, gardening etc. He works about a 60 hour week. My problem is that my hours have increased significantly - to about 30/week and I'm STILL doing all the housework, laundry, cooking, shopping, etc. I told my husband last night that that's got to stop, I can't do it all anymore. Luckily I'm off for the summer but if I go back to 30 hours in September there is no way I can continue to do everything without help.

I think if both people are woh f/t they both ought to pitch it but ideally they ought to hire some help if they're able. I think everyone would be a whole lot happier.

I do feel that if a person is sah with kids in school, that they should take on nearly all of the housework. They have plenty of time to do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 10:24am
I live in the practical world and because I am at home I end up doing more of the "housework" than I did when I was working. Do I think that because I am home I *should* be doing it all? No way. I think alot of what I am able to do has depended upon the age of my children. They are now 4 and 6, when I first started stayting at home they were 2 and 4. Most things got done at night when the children were in bed - DH and I shared the work load. WHen they were 2 and 4 they required more attention during the day. Now that they are 4 and 6, I find myself able to mow the lawn while they are playing outside (rather than making one stripe down the front lawn and spend the next hour chasing a stark naked two year old down the street). Or I am able to fold a load of laundry without fear of it being tipped over and strewn across the room if I take a bathroom break. I also end up doing more of the "housework" when DH gets home because he takes care of the children then. When I was working, we would alternate who takes care of the kids after dinner and who cleans up. Since I have been with them all day, it is time DH gets to spend with them. DH still does the bulk of the laundry (where it used to be 90-10 its now 60-40). Next September, I will have a few hours four days a week without any child and I should be able to take over the bill paying (although most of it is electronic now) and things like that (and who knows maybe we will finally get to weed the entire yard before they start growing back:-))

DH and I have a partnership and we have "done it all" a various times but not at the same time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 10:50am
Oh GWAD...don't get them started again! There are those here who stringently believe that, and not to long ago, we got into a HUGE debate about it. You may still be able to see the link if you click on "more" below the current list of threads.

However, to answer your questions:

>>>Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple?<<<

This is my opinion. EVERY family is different. In one family, having a SAHP might mean that person is home 40-50 hours more than the WOHP. However, in other families, having a SAHP might mean that person is home maybe 10 hours more than the WOHP. And they might be "working" those 10 hours as well. I know that in MY family, I never had the time to do 100% of the housework. My kids and I were too busy doing the things that we (meaning my husband and myself) felt were important enough for me to stay home for.

>>>If you are home do you do it all?<<<

Well, I'm not home anymore, as the kids are in school full-time, and I'm back to work. However, when I was home, no, I didn't do it all, although I may have done a big portion of it. In my family, we pretty much do what we are best at/hate less. I have said before that I don't think my husband has ever CLEANED a bathroom. On the other hand, I have never mowed the lawn.

>>>How does your DH or SO feel?<<<

When I read my DH some of the posts from the other thread, he sat there with his mouth wide open, and after I was done said "give me a BREAK!". lol...he wanted to know how I would have found time to do 100% and still done everything I did. But that is just it. A lot of people see their world, or the people around them who SAH and think it is a cookie cutter world, with everyone being the same. That just isn't the way most families are.

>>WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?<<<

Well, this is kinda weird. I just started working this year. I started with very PT, and am now up to almost FT, although a lot of my work is at home. some weeks I work more than FT. However, I am now doing almost 100% of the housework. My husband is disabled and has severe depression and PTSD, and he (and I) have been really struggling with it this year. A lot of this like this (who does the housework) depend on what is going on with my DH at that point in time, so I can't really offer much insight at this point in that regard.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 11:13am
We are a "whatever works" family.Dh and I lived on our own before getting married,so both of us were used to doing household tasks.I am not the family doormat,but I do the daily cleaning mostly.My day is kind of split up,though,with preschool and elem school drop offs and pick ups plus we have an active family,so I don't have *time* to do it all-and it does take a ceratin amount of time just to do the basics.Unless the kids are in school all day,sah to do ALL the housework ,yardwork, etc. just isn't feasible,imo.

Dh cooks on the weekends,but we both like cooking, he stops at teh grocery store on teh way home if I couldn't make it, etc.He is a packrat and that is the main problem.I would rather he didn't lift a finger and cleaned out a few boxes in the basement instead...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 11:36am
I am a housewife, and yes, I guess you could say I do it all. But I do it because for me it is a way of thanking my husband for his hard work. I do it because, my job is in the home, just as other's have jobs outside the home. I do it because that is what I wanted to do.

Does that mean DH doesn't help? Of course he helps. This is a partnership after all. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:44pm
I see doing the majority of the housework as a THANK YOU to my husband also. Glad to hear someone else say it. And I agree, we have a partnership, we don't divide work up. If it is there and needs to be done whoever does it is fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:47pm
I'm not home the entire 11 hours a day my husband is gone to work (including commute time) m-f. We are both home from 6pm on.

So it isn't like I can work on the house the whole time he is at his office because I'm not here (and I've yet to figure out a way to get the floors mopped, dinner cooked and the laundry washed without my being here unless I hire somebody to do it lol).

My husband doesn't want me to do it all.