Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:12pm
and the major flaw in the arguement is the assumption that the husband would/could work less hours if his lazy wife would get off her butt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:12pm
>>>Actually, my nanny does

"scrub my toilets, change the sheets" and if asked, would

"wash my car,wash my clothes, pick up the dog poop"

--------

Wow, really? When I was a nanny I certainly cleaned up after the kids (meals & crafts, etc.) & tried to keep the house straightened (as much as you can with two little "hell-raisin'" boys)...but I never did any major house cleaning. I wouldn't have had the time or the ability! The boys kept me on-the-go & what would I do with the boys if I was knee deep in laundry or dog doo-doo?

Frankly, those sound like tasks better relegated to a housekeeper.

Just curious, do you pay more for your nanny's added services than a regular nanny?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:14pm
I agree. It drives me crazy when I hear people say "Well, I have 4 kids and it's just so much work and we'll never be able to pay for their college, yadda, yadda..". Isn't that something people should think of BEFORE they have 4 kids? Yeah, it's lots of work and it's very expensive but gosh, did anyone force you to have so many kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:15pm
Agreed. It's a trade off. For most of us, we know that we can always go out and make more money. But our kids are only little once.

But the price is paid over time. If you cut back on your hours, go PT, take an "easier" job, or simply SAH, you stand to lose much of your overall earning potential overtime.

Seems ironic to me that in a world where parenting is considered to be a noble cause that one could be so penalized for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:16pm
No - the wife likes her DH to bust his butt so she doesn't have the pressure to bring in as much or any income. DHs do whatever they want, it's how the wife views the husband working the big hours. I would hate it, and in my marriage, the fact that I bring in money means DH can take a job working only 45 or 50 hours a week, not 80 to 100. I realize that's not universally true. But trip59 among others wouldn't be working a part time teacher's schedule if her DH didn't bust his butt, work long hours and bring in the big money.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:16pm
"But if one person SAH and has no income and the other one is providing all the money - what happens when both want to buy something and there is only enough money to afford one? Who wins? Wouldn't the WOH parent have the upper hand in the discussion simply because he/she is the "owner" of the income? If the SAH parent wins, don't you think there might be a little resentment on the part of the WOH parent?"

It's called coming to the best decision together. Which item is more important? Which can wait until next payday? This payday we'll get this and next payday we'll get the other. Not so different then what goes on in a dual income family. I don't know anyone that can always buy what they want when they want it.

If the WOH parent thought they owed the income then I guess they could take the upperhand and there may be some resentment. But those are control issues of that individual.

Question for you:

In a dual income family what happens when both want to buy something and there is only enough money to afford one? Who wins?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:19pm
In our family, it's a mutual decision.

But I have one friend, and she can't be the only one, whose DH said, "We can't decide on what new car to buy. I'm frustrated that we can't come to a decision so as a tie-breaker, since I'm the wage earner, I'm making the decision." THAT isn't going to happen in our household!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:21pm
in marriage it's both partners having the same amout of "power" or whatever word you'd like to use. In my marriage we are equals. We both have equal say in things involving our family. My dh may "work" more hours and bring in the income, but I am in no way somehow relegated to a "secondary" partner because of such. My opinions are just as important as his. Just because some would see him as the "sole provider" doesn't make him "king of the manor". He respects me and the value I bring to our marriage. We both contritube equally to our family....just in different ways. One does not rank higher in this household.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:22pm
That's the truth. You only need to look at the 80 year old billionaires with 20 something arm candy to figure that one out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:23pm
He wouldn't be able to work a job with killer hours if you had an equally demanding job. Something has to give. Why wouldn't he have altered his work/career plans to suit your career dreams and the kids' needs? Why does he just get to have his pick of job and career, and you'll mould your career, time, etc. around what he does. No career or job is set in stone like that.

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