Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:34pm
The thing is, how often are lives just *normal*?? I mean, we are getting ready to move in a month, and *I* will be the one packing up the house. The last 2 months have been spent getting/keeping the house in *show* condition for potential buyers. This year I homeschooled dd. Last year dh got an injury and missed some work and I had to take care of him in addition to the kids. Sometimes we have people staying with us (like this summer, I have my 13yo nephew with us so I essentially have 3 kids all summer).

I'm not saying that there arent *average* days to use as a barometer, but I dont think most people's lives tend to just be *average*.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:34pm
Not just men! The first time I stepped into Home Depot, I was mesmerized! If I had more time, I'd be out there with the tools!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:34pm
I used to do the same thing! But I have a black thumb, so I finally had to admit that it was for me a total waste of money!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:35pm
Is this directed at me? "No - the wife likes her DH to bust his butt so she doesn't have the pressure to bring in as much or any income."


Because I've explained this over and over again. My dh is doing what HE wants to do. Me teaching wouldn't make a difference. It isn't about the money, we don't need my salary, and didn't need my salary even before he switched careers.( I would've returned to teaching when my children were in school if my dh had stayed in his old career to help save for college etc...) In his current position there just isn't any need for me to bring in income.

His career isn't about paying bills, it's about advancing to the level he wanted. Some men are just more motivated than others. If they can do that and be good fathers, I say more power to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:35pm
>>>I used to do the same thing! But I have a black thumb, so I finally had to admit that it was for me a total waste of money!

------------

A black thumb!!! HAHAHA - That's great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:38pm
My dh only works 45-50 hrs a week and I work part time......

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:39pm
I have a SAHM friend whose life is as hectic as yours is but not everyone chooses to have so much going on. Some people dont move or offer to volunteer to watch nieces/nephews.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:39pm
I felt weird about taking "his" money when I first SAH but that only lasted a very short time. I think for it to work then both have to be in agreement about all money being the family's money. If the wage earner does see it as theirs then it can set up power and resentment issues.

In our case even though for 12 years I was at home and now I only bring in a small portion of the family's income I have never had to ask for anything. I have full control of our checking and savings accounts. He is the one that does the asking, not for permission but since I am the one that handles the money I know where we are standing financcially and what we can afford. So before he spends money he makes sure that we actually have the money to spend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:40pm
"His career isn't about paying bills, it's about advancing to the level he wanted. Some men are just more motivated than others. If they can do that and be good fathers, I say more power to them."

Could he advance to the level he wants if you had an equally demanding career, and still have children? My DH and I both put our ambitions somewhat on the backburner when we had kids in order to be active, involved parents.

If he's a good father, and an ambitious advancer at work, he is accomplishing that because your life accomodates his. Is this right or wrong?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:41pm
Excuse me but, dh would still bust his butt whether he was married to me or not. He's a very driven Type A personality from a family of driven, highly successful type A personality's. The thought that I have anything to do with him "busting his butt" is a joke. And frankly, I think he's lucky that I do work (I wouldn't call 30 hours a week exactly slumming it), especially given that I also clean the entire house, have a complete handle on the kids and their activities, cook a great meal every night, and none of the other guys (and yes, it is almost all men at his level in his office) he works with have wives who will woh. All of them are SAHM, most with cleaning help to boot. I'm sure that's typical of most men in his salary range. Poor, poor guy, he could've married them.

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