Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:21pm
Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy. Being unwilling to do something and just plain old not doing it are two different things too. I never said I'd need to be backed into a corner. Sheesh, what kind of relationship do you HAVE anyway???? We have a mutual agreement. Our decisions ARE equal (if that's what you want to call it). He says I should work part time. I say I should work part time. Our decisions would NOT be equal if he wanted me to work full time and I said "No."

I avoid working full time because that's what we want, not because I can get away with it. Wow, I'm really just in disbelief here.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:24pm
No, they work. Handling 6 kids, with two under two, on the kind of schedule they're required to keep while keeping the area tidy so no one gets hurt is no small feat. A dcp has to provide age appropriate activities for all of her charges. It's not like she can send the older kids to go watch TV while she tends to the younger ones. If SAHM's held to the same rules dcps do, they'd be a whole lot closer to working.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:25pm
One preschooler and a psychochotic 9 year old to be precise. I've also done maternity leaves and worked PT with two small children, which isn't as hard as working full time either. You don't have to SAH long term with small children to understand the schedule and assess how much actual work there is to it.


Edited 6/14/2003 5:26:50 PM ET by cyndiluwho
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:29pm
Not liking what you have CHOSEN to do is not reason to shove your work off onto someone else. In such a case, I'd say get a job and hire a housekeeper.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:29pm
We're not equal when it comes to making the money. But, then again, neither are you and YOUR DH. LOL. We're also not equal when it comes to every other aspect of being a family. I do more. I don't agree with your belief that things NEED to be equal. It's almost impossible to make everything equal, by the definition of the word. Your own family is testament to that.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:30pm
Um, you provide more than your DH. Please explain how THAT's equal.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:33pm
So if my DH doesn't put in 40 hours a week, but brings in the same amount of money, is it less effort expended because he put in less time?

Because if that's true, DH and I must be unequal in parenting too, because I put more time in and expend more effort. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:35pm
That's your problem, Cyndi. You don't know WHAT SAHMs do. You ASSUME a lot about it, but you don't REALLY know. Further, not every SAHMs day involves the same things.

One SAHM with preschool-aged children might be homeschooling them, while still caring for an infant (or two). One SAHM may be shuttling their kids to and from activities (and participating while there). One SAHM might be taking her kids over to their grandparents home so that she (the SAHM) can care for the grandparents for the day. There are MANY different responsibilities that SAHMs can have. They vary with every single family out there. And no, not all SAHMs use their SAHM time to be useful. Some are down-right lazy. However, as far as I've seen in the people I know, that is few and far between.

Also, you might want to note that most daycare workers (talking about the ones in childcare facilities, not home daycares) take care of children all the same age. Therefore the kids are all operating on the same activities. Also, many daycare providers DO utilize television, just as a lot of SAHPs do not utilize television at all during the day.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:40pm
What about a childcare provider that only cares for 1 child? Does that person not really "work" according to your definition?

Because if I did work I'd have a childcare provider to take care of my child, my child only. that would have (or would be) our choice if I chose to WOH.

Now I'd expect that provider to take my child to the library, story time, book store, park, pool, museum, and other various field trips while I was at the office. I'd expect that provider to play with my child and fix breakfast, lunch and snacks or take my child out to eat (I'd pay for the eating/recreation above her time).

This is the set up my friend had for almost 8 years with her second child and 6 years, different provider, with her first (they decided to have their kids spaced far apart as my husband and I did and of course that means childcare one at time, not 2 kids at once). I thought this was the best situation and would have utilized this myself had my husband and I desired that I be a working wife and mom.

So, are these women not working in your eyes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 5:42pm
You made the points that she doesn't get (or not according to her posts anyway).

"not every SAHMs day involves the same things."

Correct and not every day is a cookie cutter of the one before or the next one coming up. Not in this house anyway.



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