Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:03pm
Not around here, lol. According to my dd's kindergarten teacher, half the kids in her class have never had a book read to them evidenced by them having no concept of turning pages, lol!! Yes some do but they're not the norm. Still, being a SAHM is not equivalent to being a dcp unless you're planning multilevel educational programs and carrying them out in addition to keeping the place clean and answering to 4 sets of parents and the state as to how you spent your day with said kids, lol. Any way you slice it, SAH is not equivalent to being a WP. Not by a long shot.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:05pm
It's about equal contribution not equal wages. Yes, I work to support our family. So does dh. However, we don't count dollars. It's effor that's counted. As I said before, if dh were still climbing on and off a bread truck, I would expect that I'd do the pigs share of the housework because he would be putting in more than me with regard to supporting us in spite of the fact he'd be making far less than I do.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:07pm
Yes, working 20 hours a week is different than working 40 regardless of the size of the paycheck. A WP working 20 hours a week is probably doing close to what their SAH partner would be doing effort wise.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:08pm
We put in the same effort. Whether you work 40 hours a week for minimum wage or for 80K is not the issue. The issue is the effort you put in towards supporting your household.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:10pm
Good grief, where do you live again? I cannot imagine a 5yo not comprehending reading a book. Thats nuts.

See, here is where it gets down to what you are *really* talking about. You dont think that a sahp is *equal* to a working parent. You think a working parent is *better* and that a sahp is somehow *less*.

I think that a sahp can *work* just as hard and contribute (although perhaps not monetarily) just as much to a household. I think that things can be different and still be equal.

Your issues are showing......

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:10pm
You can fill you day with all sorts of stuff but that doesn't mean you're doing more work. I run my kids to dance lessons and piano lessons go to PTA meetings and school functions but that's not working to support my household. Those things are extras. While they take away from the time I have at home to get my work done, they don't excuse me from doing my share.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:12pm
So are you talking about physical effort then? You really are running in circles here.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:14pm
Those arent the kind of things I am talking about either. Doing extensive yard work, taking care of finances, doing household maintenance, are a bit more than *filling one's day*. Do you mean to say you count NONE of that as work?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:18pm
I think the WP does more than the SAHP. Hence I think the WP should not be required to come home and do housework. Plain and simple. That's what we're debating here.

As to my dd's kindergarten teacher, you could have bowled me over with a feather when she told me that. Her comment was in response to a pareto chart she gave the parents at parent teacher conferences showing where your child performed compared to the rest of the class on reading readiness. My dd was one of 10 kids out of 45 who performed well. I questioned why so many didn't know their letters and she told me half of them had never been read to. Blows my mind. I have a SIL who considers it the schools job to teach her kids to read. When the teacher sent home a note expressing concern for the fact my nephew didn't know his ABC's, she sent back a note in reply stating "That's because you haven't taught them to him yet!!". They're out there. She's a great mom in other respects but considers all things education to be the job of the school.

The point is, however, that SAHM's aren't spending their days like our dcp does in any great numbers and most don't have the ratios she has. It's just not a fair comparison.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:18pm
So you quit your job as soon as you got married? How long were you a housewife vs. SAHM?

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