Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:01pm
Right - it is easier to be a stay at home mom than a working mom, because by and large in most families the mom is still responsible for the lion's share of the "stuff" that needs to be done to keep a household running. I am much happier with my life now that I don't WOH *and* do all the housework *and* do all the appointments *and* do all the bills, etc. etc. etc.

But just because a family decides together to have one person at home to do all those things, because even if she went to work FT she'd still have to do all that stuff, because even if she went to work FT she still wouldn't bring home that much money because our government taxes second incomes beyond all reason, and the cost of daycare can be prohibitive - why does that automatically mean that the husband is "supporting" the wife?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:05pm
If you can't understand then don't reply! I'll clarify for you one more time because you have got everything so mixed up to where it make sno sense!

"Whoever is 8 months pregnant wasn't always 8 months pregnant"

True, and thankful for that and thankful it was 8 years apart in two pregnancies. ITA w/ya there.

"but from the sounds of her posts, her husband's requirement of helping with the cooking, dusting, shopping, etc. is an ongoing thing."

There is absolutely NO requirement in this house and is insulting to my husband and I and how we feel and live our lives. We together make all the decisions. There are no expectations, there are no requirements, there are no check lists. We do what we do that is best for us and our family together. I do the majority of everything, especially daily and weekly hosuehold activities. But the deep cleaning doesn't always get done so yes, I'd say about 2hrs per month he throws in and helps me or just does it when I'm doing something else. We don't have a problem with this because it is how we decided together before marriage it would be.

"I don't care if she lives in a 10K neighborhood or a million dollar nieghborhood, any woman with ONE child, IN SCHOOL all day and who does not wah, work part-time, or woh, should be able to do the housework and errands without help from her wohp."

Well I don't live in either type of place, but a nice neighborhood just the same. My child is only gone in school Aug-May (not year round school). Yes, I could get it all done, but my husband prefers for me to do other things (spend time at school with my child, volunteering church/school, pampering myself). His words! Our agreement again before we walked down the aisle.

I guess it is just difficult at best for you to even imagine how others might live totally opposite life styles and do it by choice, huh?





Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:06pm
No because she's still not doing as much as he does. In most cases, she gets the better end of the deal even if she is doing all the housework. 20 hours a week of housework just doesn't compare to a full time job. I do think the housework is her responsibility. It's the least she can do.


Edited 6/14/2003 10:20:27 PM ET by cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:09pm
No, I worked for a very short bit just to use that money for furniture and some travel we wanted to do. Then we decided for me to become a housewife (which was our plan before marriage). We were married going on 3 years before we became parents. Even had we chosen or not been able to have children I would still have quit to be a housewife and I'd still be a housewife today going on 10 years later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:11pm
In another thread (I tried to find it, but it was a while ago), you had commented on how much you hated housework, so now you woh and hire someone else to do it. I jokingly replied asking if you got a job to avoid housework. You said "it's a nice gig if you can get it."

I was joking; sorry if it was a feeble attempt. I'm usually a lot funnier in my head!

If it wasn't you I apologize, but I'm pretty sure it was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:11pm
You seem to be contradicting yourself. In an earleir post you said:

"I'm anal about the presence of our home and the high standards of cleaning. My husband is also, I said we were a match made in heaven as we think exactly alike. I'm so particular if anything is out of place I'd probably not let anyone in the house until it is in its rightful place. I'm too particular at times, I know"

and now you say:

"He would much rather I spend the day at the pool and leave the housework! I'd much rather he golf and leave the housework. "

Which is it, the house has to be spotless or the housework can be left to go "play".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:12pm
But do you have the same cleaning standards as all (all being the operative word) women? From your postings about how you clean you are not near as particular and you do have lower standards than I do in this house. Not saying at that is a bad thing because I'm very particular (and will admit, too much so at times) about cleanliness, appearance, and presentation. But I think this may be wherein the problem lies is you have different cleaning standards which = to less time spent on cleaning and others spend more time (even in same sq ft house) because of their higher level of expectations. Just a thought Cindy.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:13pm
Equality is working as hard as each other. If one party is working harder, then the other should be picking up the slack at home not asking the party who is already expending the most effort to help. Working for a living and putting up with bosses and customers is no cake walk for most. SAH is easy by comparison. No, I don't consider SAH equivalent to being a WP. But isn't that the attraction?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:15pm
Me either! I just can't imagine where Cindy lives by much of what she says, but this one takes the cake!

I agree. She thinks we housewives/sahms are definately less. It is so obvious, she can't hide it, shines thru in her postings.

"I think that a sahp can *work* just as hard and contribute (although perhaps not monetarily) just as much to a household. I think that things can be different and still be equal."

Oh my husband and I can see that by reading her posts, it is so obvious!

"Your issues are showing......"

Yes, loud and clear.



Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 10:16pm
Nope, while I do hate housework, I didn't get a job to avoid it. At the moment, I'm in grad school in addition to working full time. Dh hired a housekeeper rather than pick up the slack because I simply do not have the time right now, which is his perogative. I have to admit, I LOVE comming home to a clean house on days she comes. Since I do hate housework, I may keep her after I'm done with school but I didn't go to work to avoid housework. Up until quite recently I was doing it in addition to working. I don't do a whole lot now but that is really an issue of not having the time so we pay someone else to do it.

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