Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:33am
Hello, if dad is woh and mom is sah, she is by simple default, going to be WITH the kids about 75 percent of the time. Even if dad takes over when he gets home, we are taking a few hours a night.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:41am
I didnt say anything about the other party helping out at home. Every scenario I have thrown out has involved the sah doing 100 percent at home and the woh doing 100 percent of the income earning.

Actually, most couples choose to have a sahp because they feel its best for their children. Not because someone just doesnt feel like working. I dont know any families where it wasnt a joint decision, made with much forethought and consideration.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:43am
Well, since you are incapable of reading an entire post with big words, and are incapable of responding, why should I "try again" ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:35am
Same here and my Mom and my Dad's Mom, too. We're all lifelong WOHMs, we've all cooked predominantly from scratch (I do bake the occasional cake from a mix, rather than scratch, but my pie dough is my own and I cook dinner from scratch and have historically because it's always been a much cheaper and more convenient choice than mixes or frozen). My Mom ALWAYS hangs her laundry out to dry, even in sub-zero temps (takes longer but it WILL dry), and Gram gardened and canned until her doctor literally forbade her doing it about two years before she finally died of congestive heart failure (I have it on good authority she ignored his order wrt canning, but Grampa was able to finally make her stop gardening). We move furniture to clean (heck I move furniture as a hobby; I love rearranging my rooms and my roommate and son can always tell when I need "redesign therapy").

I don't scrub toilets on my hands and knees by hand, because frankly that's just plain stupid, as well as over kill. I give the toilets in the house a daily swish with disinfectant, a swipe with the same and apaper towel on the outside and they each take less than a couple of minutes to keep bright, shiny and sanitary. Same with the bathrooms sinks. My tub/shower surrround gets similar treatment (although John and my roommate tend to wait until their tub is too disgusting to get in before they think about cleaning it--but I'm not the one bathing in it and I refuse to clean that. MY tub is spotless and shiny from a couple of daily squirts of generic window cleaner and a wipe down with a clean dishtowel.

Heck I even clean 2 birdcages daily and scoop 2 litterboxes morning and night. Granted my house isn't huge like some around here; I'm a mere piker at 1250 sq feet, but the size of my house doesn't mean much wrt how long it takes to clean a toilet that's maintained daily, or the prep time on a homemade scratch dinner every night.

By the same token, I DON'T buy into cyndi's condemnation of all SAHMs as "supported by someone else". Sure that's true FINANCIALLY. But hell, you could have said that about ME when I was getting child support and had a roommate to help take the bill load off my meager income, too. And I was still WOH. There is MUCH MUCH MUCH more to "supporting oneself and one's children" than just the paycheck aspect of it and I believe the above discussed work certainly falls into that category. There's more than enough "support" to go around in terms of what everyone does in a home, including that effort contributed by the kids. Supporting each other is what a family does, whether there are 2 paychecks, 1 paycheck or no paychecks coming into the home. Cyndi's version is nothing more than the IRS view, and that's fine if it works for her. But it seems pretty sad to me because it's clear that her entire esteem and worth within the family depends on the money she makes and nothing more and I feel sorry for ANYONE who's nothing more than an ATM machine to his or her family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:36am
ROFL. do NOT go there. You already know the answer to that question ;)
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:50am
You don't ask someone else to do your work because you goofed off all day. That's just laziness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:51am
I can imagine it; there's no way my bras and other frillies get washed in the same load with the boxer shorts. (they don't dry together, either). I like my undies well enough to care for them properly and the hot load/pretreatments needed to get skidmarks out will NOT do for the materials used to manufacture bras, slips, pantyhose, teddies and the pretty panties...

And while I do't have "his/hers" towels labeled as such, we each use a unique towel after our bath--if for no other reason than 1) it's a little inconvenient to use a towel that's already in use and 2) you can't get that dry with a wet towel.

While I think I understand the PHILOSOPHY you're trying to argue here, the fact is, there *are* some things that can logically and reasonably be separated by virtue of his and hers without requiring score cards.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:52am
Sorry, saw SAHWM's post and thought you were talking to me. Text deleted.


Edited 6/15/2003 11:29:36 AM ET by cyndiluwho
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:54am
WAY OFF BASE HERE. Marriage is a series of gives and takes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:54am
Now see, here I was thinking of another area (not exposed, but PLENTY sensitive) that shouldn't be used with a dulled up razor that's shaved someone's head and face!

But I buy my expensive razor refills at BJ's Warehouse in bulk and that's pretty economical (for the brand, anyway).

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