Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 7:55am
I'm not saying she can't go to the pool. She can do what she wants with her days. I'm saying it's not right to expect her dh to do the housework because she blew it off during the day. Filling your days with other activities does not relieve you of your respobsibilities and entitle you to help with them.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 8:08am
I feel sorry for that dad. This is one of the things I hate about SAH. It makes dad a second class parent when he doesn't get time to be with his kids. Dads should be more than just paychecks. If dad is only spending 25% of the time with the kids, something needs to change about the situation to allow him more time with his kids. I'd say mom needs to get a job so dad can work less and spend some time being a parent!!
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 8:10am
Now that's a bunch of bull. Not industrially blighted at all. Why do you think most of the moms can afford to SAH here?
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 8:12am
Try READING my posts. I'm talking about the disparity of effort created when one party is taken care of by the other. When you quit your job, you gained a LOT of time to do other things. There is no reason that time can't be used to clean the house when housekeepign is not a full time job by any means.

As for cleaning up after your dh, point me to the post where I said you should.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 8:24am
So, all I have to do is fill my time to be credited with working??? I can just see the look on my bosses face when I try to pass that one off, lol. No, you are credited for working when you do work. When you choose to other things instead of your work, you get to do your work later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 9:25am
This makes no sense. Are you saying that if all the sahms got jobs their husbands would quit their full time jobs & go part time? Or do you assume that all husbands of sahms work overtime? I'm confused. How would the average f/t woh dad change his standard hours if the sahm gets a job?

Another thought, don't evenings and weekends count as time spent with children? They certainly do when it comes to working moms! Here you're saying that a f/t woh dad only spends 25% of his time with the kids; is the math different for working moms? Does that mean the kids are in d/c 75% of the time if BOTH woh f/t same hours?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 10:06am
>>>This makes no sense. Are you saying that if all the sahms got jobs their husbands would quit their full time jobs & go part time? Or do you assume that all husbands of sahms work overtime? I'm confused. How would the average f/t woh dad change his standard hours if the sahm gets a job?<<<

I'm completely agree with this. It is what I wanted to post after reading her post, but then I know she is just going to brush it off, so what's the point?

>>>Another thought, don't evenings and weekends count as time spent with children? They certainly do when it comes to working moms! Here you're saying that a f/t woh dad only spends 25% of his time with the kids; is the math different for working moms? Does that mean the kids are in d/c 75% of the time if BOTH woh f/t same hours?<<<

I think what she means here is that in the complete time spent with the children of a SAHP and a WOHP (complete would equal 100%), the SAHP would spend about 75% with the kids, and the WOHP about 25%. Which is obvious because the SAHP is with the kids all day, whereas the WOHP is not (unless they work from home, but then they would be a WAHP).

You see, Cyndi also contends that parents need equal time with their children. Not just equal earnings...err, is it effort now? Therefore, her time with her children (as a WOHP) is sufficient because her spouse also WOH, but a WOHP with a SAH spouse needs to "make up" time to make it even. But since the SAHP is typically home in the evenings when the WOHP is as well, I guess her goal would be to see a SAHP disappear after the WOHP walked in the door. Completely weird.






Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 10:17am
No, I'm saying that if dad only has time to care for his kids 25% of the time, he's, seriously, lacking in time with his kids and perhaps it's time to take a look at your lifestyle and decide if things can be changed to allow dad to be more of a parent. Since kids are usually awake something like 12 hours a day, dad would be averaging only 4 hours a day with his kids INCLUDING weekends and holidays to get to only 25%. He'd have to be working 7 days a week or traveling a lot or just working mega hours to do that. It might be time to reevaluate the lifestyle if that's the case. Dad shouldn't be reduced to a second class parent because mom SAH. Unfortunately, it happens. Mom raises the kids and dad is nothing but a paycheck who visits. We lived across the street from a couple like this when I was growing up. The dad was never home because he was always working to support the mom at home. I swear, I saw my father more and my parents were divorced!! Of course some people like it that way but I find that sad.


Edited 6/15/2003 10:22:15 AM ET by cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:05am
<<>>

Why do you assume that the sahp "insist" on sah? I don't know any sahp's who do so against their spouses' will. It's a choice that they make TOGETHER for the benefit of their families. It's also usually not a permanent arrangement, and it is something that they have done to make life easier for everyone in the family, not just the sahp. Your tit for tat notions of equality are borderline obsessive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:14am
But if his job calls for those hours (many sales jobs involving travel for example) how is mom getting a job going to reduce them? All it does is reduce the time the kids are with EITHER parent.

The only way I can see it making a difference is if dad is working lots of overtime or a second job just so mom can sah and it seems that most of us here would agree with you that the mom should get a job in that scenario.



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