Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:15am
Obviously a child with a SAHP will spend more time with the SAHP. I don't think the other person was referring to 25% -vs-75% as a written in stone fact. They were estimating.

So, I did some figuring, and this is what I came up with:

Using your estimation that kids are awake 12 hours per day.

Say the WOHP works a typical day of 8am - 5pm, with a one hour commute each way (not uncommmon in most areas), and are home the entire weekend.

Say the SAHP spends 3 hours each week either volunteering, working on a hobby, or whatever, and the WOHP does none of that.

I figure the WOHP would get about 3 1/2 to 4 hours with the children during the week. I am figuring that as 1 hour in the AM and 3 hours in the PM (from 6pm when WOHP gets home until a 9pm bedtime for the kids). That is 20 hours per week there. Added to the 24 hours of awake time a child has on the weekend, that would be 44 hours time with the WOHP.

I figure the SAHP with the child all 7 days, 12 hours per day, minus the 3 hours for whatever volunteer work. Now, this is assuming the children are not in school yet. That would come to 81 hours the SAHP has spent with the children.

So combined parental time spent with the children comes to 125 hours. The WOHPs portion of that is 35% and the SAHPs portion of that is 65% of that.

Yes, the SAHP is going to have more time with the children, but a lot of that time (41 hours or 51% of the total SAHPs time) is spent right along with the WOHP. They are BOTH there during that time.

Now, granted, this is very general and doesn't take into consideration everyones specific circumstances, but I would say it is a general starting point.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:23am
Well dont feel sorry for dad because I was quoting a hypothetical, not real life. Its no different than if children were in dc 10 hrs a day as far as the time goes-but I know that you deem that acceptable as long as BOTH parents get to deal with less time and not just one.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:26am
Well if the only sahms you have ever been exposed to are the ones you have described on this board over the years, I can understand your disdain and prejudice. But you really should try expanding your horizons-maybe travel a bit and get to know some different people. It must just be the part of the country you live in or something, to generate such a bunch of lazy, non-reading, non-educated, catty women.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:26am
What if I can hire a housekeeper and still be a sahm? Can I be my husband's equal under those circumstances? For that matter, can any sahp be the equal of a wohp?
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:27am
Yes, but moms working could make it possible for dad to take a lesser paying job with fewer hours. I hate situations where one parent is clearly primary and the other clearly secondary. I think both parents count in the lives of kids. Regardless, mom can reduce her primaryness by working. Part of this problem is the sheer number of hours mom is with the kids in comparison to dad. Dad pales in comparison to that. I'd rather see the kids with their parents less and the time spent with parents more even to minimize the primary parent/secondary parent problem so I do think it would help if mom worked. Maybe then she'd only have half again as much time with the kids than dad instead of three times as much time with the kids than dad, and, who knows, when the burden of being the sole breadwinner is taken off of his shoulders, maybe he won't feel compelled to work long hours.

Spending less time with parents isn't an issue as kids never have needed to spend all their time with us. Spending all day with mom is not superior to spending part of the day in dc and part of the day with mom and dad. What matters is that you have enough time not that you have all the time. So the reduction in total parent time isn't an issue when you're talking about reducing from an over abundance. Moms working could help in two ways. Dad might not feel so compelled to work long hours if she was home and it reduces the disparity in time spent with the kids between the parents. And if you work your schedules right, you can bake in some daddy solo time with the kids. In our case, dh is the parent on site every morning from the time the girls get up until he drops them off at dc. I happen to think that regularly occuring solo time is good for dads and kids. When you're the only parent present, you have no choice but to care for your kids. One thing I like about being a dual working couple is that the time our kids spend with parents is evenly split. There is no primary parent and secondary parent. Our kids just have two parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:27am
Not in the way you describe it though.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:30am
Um, she was talking to trip not me, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:37am
You're missing the point. CLW seems to be saying that a sahp has a lower status in the relationship if he/she does not spend the entire day working (as if most wohp's don't get a few breaks during the day, but that's another issue). My point is simply that we all have things to do that we like and things that we don't, and I can't understand why anyone would want to count all the minutes spent doing those different things so that she can keep score to figure out whether the partners are "equal." Both parents are providing value to their families, albeit in different ways. I just don't see why she thinks they have to do the same things in order to have equal status in the family.

And btw, I do know people who enjoy cleaning their houses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:38am
<

You see, Cyndi also contends that parents need equal time with their children. Not just equal earnings...err, is it effort now? Therefore, her time with her children (as a WOHP) is sufficient because her spouse also WOH, but a WOHP with a SAH spouse needs to "make up" time to make it even. But since the SAHP is typically home in the evenings when the WOHP is as well, I guess her goal would be to see a SAHP disappear after the WOHP walked in the door. Completely weird. >>


Oh, I agree with you completely. Equal time at all costs, even if it means the kids are with neither the rest of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:45am
You're exactly right. Families need lots of things. Money is certainly one of those things, and a vital one, but there are many different ways to provide value in a family. The simple fact that one parent is not earning the money at a particular point in time should not automatically lower his or her status in the relationship - at least not in a healthy relationship.

Pages