Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:58pm
House wives with maids, now that gives CindyLouWho even more horrors than the husband telling his wife to enjoy herself away from home at the pool for the day & skip the housecleaning which makes shivers run up her spine alone.

ChefsDozen

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 4:58pm
No misunderstanding of mutual agreement here. People agree to all sorts of things but that doesn't make them universal rights. If your dh wants to come home and do housework after having worked all day that's his problem but he's doing you a favor not something he should be expected to do. Given that he's already shouldering the greater burden, he has every reason to expect you to clean the house, however, he might very well choose to clean it himself given enough motivation. Sometimes it's easier to do it yourself than to get the person who should do it to do it. I do other peoples work all the time at work but that doesn't make it right. It just means it's easier to do it because it's too difficult to get them to do it. It is, however, thier work, not mine and they have no right to expect me to do it.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:03pm
But 100% of the housework isn't as much work as working for a living in most cases!!! The SAHP has less to do than the WP most of the time so no doing it all doesn't mean she's participating equally in the support of her household. When you have one bucket that is half full and one that is full, you can't make the one that is half full equal to the one that is full without putting more water in the lesser or taking water out of the fuller bucket. Doing half of what someone else does is doing half of what someone else does even if you do do it all by yourself. Housework just isn't equivalent to a full time job. I clean house, I work full time. No comparison. One takes three hours a day 7 days a week (when you actually count the time you spend doing it instead of trying to throw in all sort of other extraneous things) and the other 8+ hours a day 5 days a week. Do the math. No, you can't make one equal the other in most cases.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:11pm
Why would I care if a housewife has a maid??? My only beef is trying to pass off SAH as equivalent to being a working DH. It misses by a mile.

If you can afford a maid, go for it. Just don't tell me how you put in as much effort as your dh because I won't believe you.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:23pm
"I'm talking about the disparity of effort created when one party is taken care of by the other."

But again, you're talking about finances alone. Families don't run on money alone. If all one needed was a ft job to care for a family, my life would be a lot simpler. But it's not. Yes, his effort is greater in regards to earning money. My effort is greater in regards to caring for the children (actively caring for them) and the home. So I guess we're equally unequal.

"When you quit your job, you gained a LOT of time to do other things."

Technically (not that this makes a diff) there was no job for me to quit. But yes, I do have a lot more time during your average weekday to do those everyday, and not so everyday, things. That's why we decided that for *us* a SAHP was ideal.

"There is no reason that time can't be used to clean the house when housekeepign is not a full time job by any means."

Which is why I do spend a large part of my time cleaning. But there is always something to clean here - and in many other homes. With constant traffic, a home rarely stays clean. Mine doesn't anyway. It wouldn't work if I decided that I'd spend from 10am-1pm doing housework. By 1:30 I'd need to start over. It's ongoing and lasts all day. (ps: none of my children nap on a regular basis. If my youngest does, it's on and attached to me. There's no downtime during the day) But yeah, I DO spend lots of time - from the time I get up till I fall asleep - doing housework.



"As for cleaning up after your dh, point me to the post where I said you should."

How would I *not* have to clean up after DH in order to do 100% of the housework?

He's in the house about 14 hours a day - he produces quite a bit of the mess. If you're saying that the SAHP, because they have more opportunity to do so, should do 100% of the housework, how would I not assume that involves cleaning up after the WP?


I am in total agreement that SAHP should accept the bulk of the housestuff (errands, appts, billpaying, school, cleaning, cooking...etc). I am in total aggrement that WP should not walk in the door and be expected to grab a dustpan. I do NOT agree, however, that WP automatically makes a bigger effort to care for the family. I honestly don't understand that line of thinking. That depends on SO many things. WP's job/hours/duties, the ages of children, number of children, their tempermants, their schedules... etc. Personally, I agree with you that SAH should not be on a pedestal, or anywhere near one. But I don't think WOH should be either. I think the old "SAH home is the hardest and most important job" is BS. There are tons of things in life that are harder and more important. But between my husband and I, our days require equal effort.

(and just for kicks, I spent this weekend running around the house picking everything up as soon as it hit the floor, cleaning every dish as soon as it hit the sink, etc. Everytime he's gone to reach for something to pick up, I've told him to kick back and relax and let me take care of that.... He's thoroughly annoyed)

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:33pm
A nanny is working for someone else to their standards not SAH with her own kids and working to her standards. A nanny does what she's told to do including housework if that's what her employer wants. She has to be certified and educated to do the job she does. It just doesn't compare to SAH. It's not work when I drive myself to the doctor but it is work when the helper we hired for my step mother drives her to the doctor. When you are doing something for someone else, it's a lot more like work than when you do it for yourself.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:36pm
I'm talking about effort with regard to taking care of/being taken care of and time with regard to time spent with the kids. I am not talking about finances alone. There is a disparity of effort when one party takes care of another.

How do you not clean up after dh?? Simple. Have him clean up after himself. Adults shouldn't have to clean up after adults. If dh makes a mess, he cleans it up, except for the kitchen. We have an agreement there. He cooks and I clean. But that's not a bad trade off since he's a great cook.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 6:02pm
Generally,high ses people read to their kids,send them to preschool,and they go to K w/ the skills they should have,whether they work or not.Most high ses wohms don't use group dc,anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 6:07pm
Well sure, if you are only talking about housework and NOTHING else. Some people do more to manage a home than just housework though.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 6:15pm
Who said anything about universal rights? We aren't talking universally. We are talking about in a private home between a married couple. It isn't a problem for anybody but you just can't handle the fact there are men in the world like this who don't think women at home should be scrubbing and cleaning if there is something better to do. I can tell from this post yet again you are still not getting the fact the husband has no problem coming home to do these things. It isn't about doing it himself because it is easier or because a woman is whining or because a woman expects it. It is because he himself says it should be this way in their marriage.

I can tell, you don't just don't get it, you'll never get it, it is beyond your beliefs that husbands and wives can actually have this kind of mutual agreement and respect from one another.

Thanks mrs lou, we get it, we understand where you come from and how sad you think.

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