Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:17pm
LOL, I'm still trying to figure out how moms who woh 40 hrs/week are full time parents but dads who woh 40 hrs/week aren't.

Either you're a parent or you're not. What's sex got to do with it, got to do with it....(she sang in her best Tina Turner imitation)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:31pm
Oh thankyou. I've been wanting to post something along those lines.

I wonder if cindylouwho looks upon nannies, day care workers, etc. with as much contempt as she does sahm's. The main difference is that the nannies, day care workers etc. get a paycheck, but cinylouwho INSISTS that its not about money, but "effort" , so I wonder how she figures a nanny or day care worker puts in more effort than the sahm.

Personally, in my family, we do what works best for all. No insistence that both partners suffer equally, or any nitpicking about who makes more $,or who should do what. I go back & forth from WOH, SAH, and occasional odd jobbing. I don't grouse if dh asks me to iron a shirt for a job interview, or polish up his resume, no crap about it being "his" job, and I don't ask dh to do housework, but he will pitch in VOLUNTARILY, and be happy to do so, because that's just what we do. We do whatever needs to be done that works for our family, but of course, there are some on this board who think everyone has to do it THEIR way, or something is wrong. My husband and I used to joke, when we were both WOH, that we split the housework 40/40. About 20% just doesn't get done. Neither one of us is into the white glove, spic & span, house, but our house is not a pig pen either. Just moderately clean. Our emphasis seems to be on RELATIONSHIPS. As a couple, as parents, as a family, etc. That is so much more important to us, than counting dollars, and counting hours put in, and comparing how much more one is suffering on the job. Relationships are hard to quantify or classify. (ALA, the whole, is taking care of your children work debate) Guess people like cindlouwho or trip59 or any of the other b!+c#es on this board will never understand how families who do not live within their narrow view of things can still be happpy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:38pm
You're making too many generalizations. Yes, a sahp who has school-aged children and no other responsibilities should have plenty of time to accomplish pretty much everything involved with running the household. But not all sahp's are in that situation. In fact, I don't know many who are. What about a mom who homeschools her four children? Or one who has a special needs child or elderly parents to care for? Heck, my 6 month old still nurses at least 6 times a day - that's at least 3 hours. Throw in a very energetic 3 1/2 yo, a few hours of housework, some errands, bill paying, etc., and I hardly think it's unreasonable to expect dh to load the dishwasher or take out the trash a couple nights a week.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 11:45pm
Well, if that's not hair splitting...

Really, it does. If I'm mopping the floor and DH happens to walk across an unclean or already cleaned portion leaving muddy footprints, I'm going to mop over it. When I'm doing dishes, I don't leave his out. When scrubbing the tub, I'm not going to scrub around a smudge obviously left by him. Grown ups clean up after grown ups all the time. There are certain things that I won't do or only do if I have to, but for the most part housework certainly does include cleaning up/picking up after your grown up spouse.

There is NO disparity in effort between my spouse and I. His effort is directed in a different way than mine, sure. But it's not more than mine. Or less than mine. There are too many variables there.

What SAHM ONLY has housework to do during daytime hours? No, in most cases, housework doesn't "compare" (do married people sit down everynight and compare notes on who does more and when?) to a ft job. But *compared* to *my* husband's ft job, between our kids, our house, us, and our bills, it compares quite easily. When he walks in the door, we're even.


Edited 6/15/2003 11:48:59 PM ET by akpennington

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 12:08am
HOw can a husband & wife live together and not do for one another?

It is like what you said. I wash his dishes, I don't set the aside. Same w/laundry. I scrub the shower, I don't only clean 1/2 of it so he can do his part. I take out all the trash in the baths and kitchens so that means I take out his trash as well as mine. I tote his laundry to the washer and back up to the bedroom and I put it away. I make the whole bed, not just my side.

I don't only have housework obligations every day. There is so much more to being a wife and mom than the cleaning.

ITA w/you on the even part, ITA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 12:19am
>>>>No, I said it's against zoning regulations in the county where I live and where my sister lives (different county in CT), so I was just curious as to where they still allow clotheslines.

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Are you genuinely curious as to where clotheslines are still allowed? I've never heard of clotheslines being disallowed. Why would they be?

Is it some sort of safety issue? Or... is it asthetic? Legislating what a person puts in their yard seems like a waste of time & money.


Edited 6/16/2003 1:13:18 AM ET by iomoon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 12:24am
>>>They'd all tend to be a tad bored just being housewives, not to mention being very uninteresting on the cocktail party circuit.

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The cocktail party circuit? You've never heard of women who choose to be housewives, have a cocktail party circuit, & no clothelines allowed....where in the heck are you from?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 1:51am
Which women are you talking about? How about debating the issue instead?

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 2:41am
How does housework not mean picking up after adults? The adults dont live in the house too? The adults dont dirty the bathrooms, walk on the carpets, use the dishes, wear clothing? I mean, are my dh and I supposed to sort out who dirtied which plate and only wash our own? That makes no sense.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 3:12am
Our home owner's association restricts clotheslines but it is not a city wide or county wide oridnance. I've never heard of it being a 'law' it is usually just home owner's association restriction.

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