Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 3:54pm
I don't get it. Neither the sahm or the working husband is doing the housework, so moot point. I'm sure your husband isn't take care of the lawn either, so basically, chores are farmed out in your house, no need to quibble over whose responsibilty it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 3:58pm
Martha lives on Turkey Hill Rd. South, about 4 miles from me. I think it's number 50 or 48, beautiful house, high stone wall in front. One of my good friends (now a sahm of 4) used to do her PR work and she says everything you read about her is true. She couldn't wait to leave that job, which she did when her twins were born. And that's all I'm going to say about that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:02pm
I won't get into whether it's equal or unequal. I've seen cases where the working husband is putting in far more effort (kind of hard not to when you have live-in help for everything, and sometimes an entire staff), and then I've seen cases where the sahm might have lots of kids, and might be working at home and or going to school, and doing everything around the house, so might actually be putting in more effort than her slug of a husband. Just can't say, it depends on the particular family,


Edited 6/16/2003 4:10:46 PM ET by trip59
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:08pm
First, I don't have to establish credibility to participate on a message board and I don't have to report to you. I've been a member of the IVillage community for a long time, just not a participant on this particular board. I owe you no explanation of the questions you asked because how much we pay our maid, charities, committees I'm involved in have nothing to do with this debate. However, I will participate on this board if I so choose to particpate & do not need your permission or thoughts on my participation. Both are invalid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:08pm
I agree that having an arrangement where both parents share responsibility for kids is ideal. I think that the overall balance of this between parents on a daily basis, is more important that having children spend as much time as possible with "a" parent on a daily basis, when this means way more time with one parent than another on a daily basis. The wohp parent in the sahp/wohp scenario, I think, has the biggest hurdles to overcome - because in order to enjoy any kind of real responsiblity, certainly of the day to day kind, the wohp has to actively decide to go after it, and the sahp has to actively decide to relinquish authority and control held most of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:12pm
Fine, so what do you think, should the sahm have most of the responsibility for the chores around the house, or what?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:15pm
>>>Actually it's a matter of property values. For most folks, their home is their single biggest financial investment. In order to keep that investment at a high level (and be able to sell the house for a profit) it DOES matter how other surrounding properties are kept. Unsightly and unkempt neighboring properties will affect how much money YOUR property is worth. Yeah, clotheline bans may seem pretty trivial but the idea is to maintain a certain *look* that attracts future taxpayers and keeps property values high. If a person has a problem with these type of zoning laws it's up to the individual to do the research and choose where they live accordingly.

------------------

I suppose these types of issues arise when houses are so closely packed together that someone's backyard is someone else's side yard, etc. etc., and from that point of view, I can see how perhaps a chain link fence might not "look as nice" as a white picket fence. That being said, I suppose I just don't see a clothesline as unkempt or an eyesore.

I don't have one...but if I wanted one, I'd be darned if a neighbor decided to tell me I couldn't have one because it makes their property look bad. Of course, you can't see our house from the road, let alone the backyard where a clothesline might live...so, I guess its moot.

You're right houwever...if you don't want to abide by the zoning regulations, you shouldn't move into a neighborhood where the regulations don't suit you. There is a family in our area that keeps several trucks/cars/and a collection of other motorized things in their front yard. Of course, I guess I feel like "live & let live"...far be it from me to say what a person may collect. I won't say I'm not glad you can't really see their house/yard from the street either though! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:19pm
I don't think you do get it.

On a daily baisis, a dcp stops being responsible for a child's care when a parent arrives. Its not really optional.

On an ongoing basis, a dcp has no authority over the childs lifestyle - what activities will be persued, what sort of bday parties will be held, what kind of education will be planned, what sort of vacation will happen this year, what kind of pets the child may have.

On a daily basis, a sahp does not stop being responsible for a child's care when a parent arrives.

On an ongoing basis, a sahp has no limit of authority and involvement in all the things mentionned above.

The wohp who arrives a daycare picks up full responsiblity for the child along with the child, most of which responsiblity was never held by the dcp anyway.

The wohp who arrives home to a sahp...needs to take over all those responsiblities from one who has no obligation to give them up and who themselves has full right to parental responsiblity and decisions.

The reason its different for the whop coming home to the sahp, and the wohp coming home to the dcp, is simply because the dcp and the parent play such different roles in a childs life.

The whop with the sahp has the far more difficult job to do in parenting while woh, because the non-income part of parenting is tended to by the sahp alone, most of the time, anyway. The dual wohps with the dcp have it easy. The dcp just isn't a parent.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:19pm
And my response to you is, when do you spend time with your kids? I CHOOSE to work part time so I can get all that crap done and still spend more time with my kids than working full time would allow. If I had to work full time and do all the other things that need to be done, I'd have no time left for relaxing or spending with my kids.
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:24pm
The answer is I have no time to relax except during my train ride home. I also only have one child and thats all we are planning to have.

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