Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:33pm
The person you are isn't interested in lifting a housework finger in order to provide the man you married with the option of spending evenings/weekends in the park/pool with the kids. The person you are is interested in having the man she married do whatever housework is necessary to allow herself as much leisure time as she wants.

I fail to see why any of that would change if you had a job. Its not a personality altering experience. If you were to tell me that your husband would never ever want you to, or encourage you to have a job...I think I can imagine why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:38pm
You mean what if the husband can afford a sahm and a housekeeper?

Well if his sahm is the kind that spends time recreating as a first priority, and housework is left to be done by himself...then certainly I think the wohp should have as one of his priorities, if he so desires...the hiring of a housekeeper. That would be pretty fair. He needs some time off too to recreate, afterall.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:47pm
I didn't say it was impossible. I said it's not normally the case. What it takes to run a home is not equivalent to a job. If you recall, I do both. Run a home AND have a job, lol. Yup, real daunting task, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 4:48pm
In a family which thinks like this, however would the wohp manage to keep a job though?

A wohp who "loves" their job rarely loves the whole darn thing, and everything that goes along with it. Its usually an "overall" designation, not an "every little thing" designation. Meaning, the wohp does their share of daily toilet-cleaning-quality-cr*p which they really detest...in order to keep a job that they love overall. And in order to keep the family financed.

So either the sahp likes being one, and does the darn toilets in order to keep the sahp job which the sahp loves, or at least wants, overall. Or the sahp detests being a sahp, in which case, I think that sahp needs to become a wohp.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 6:54pm
Ah, but you assume that the SAHP is the *lesser* of the unequal halves...which I believe may not always be the case. Marriages are not stagnant. Because one SAH and at one point may be contributing less, does not guarantee that it will always be that way. For goodness sake, our dynamics change weekly. One week, DH is frazzled from his *work.* The next, I'm frazzled by my *work,* which includes responsibilites at work AND all of the child/home/extended family responsibilities.

I'm not uncomfortable with my duties and position within my family. It makes no difference to me whether I "make the money" or do everything BUT make the money. Both are necessary for our family to function and survive.

DH never *wanted* a SAHW. And I don't really consider myself a SAHM or SAHW. I'm the childcare provider. LOL. And I think we all know how important it is to have one of those!! LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 6:56pm
He spends 2hrs a month on housework. Never evenings before DS goes to bed @ 11 and out of 48hrs on the wknd, approximately 2hrs, maybe 3. I do the rest (as I've stated several times now)
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 7:00pm
Please do tell....what kind of day-to-day responsiblity does your DH have for your kids because you both work?
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 7:33pm
Yes they do but they're expected to pick up their own underwear not leave it for someone else to pick up.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 7:38pm
Because you don't cease being a parent because you work. What's at issue with a SAHM/WD sitaution is the disparity in time spent with the children between the parents. That makes one parent primary and the other secondary. A father doesn't cease to be a father because he works but his kids are more dependent on their mother if she doesn't. His importance is diminsished as hers is elevated. DWP's don't have this problem. You're comparing apples to oranges.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 7:50pm
So the working spouse should be doing their own laundry? That goes against everything else you have said.


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Dj

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