Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:00pm
Yup, you've got it. Balance is much more important than a SAHP. It's hard to be equal parents when one parent has twice as much time with the kids than the other. It would be doable if dad became the parent in charge as soon as he got home and mom stepped aside but most moms won't give up the reigns and dads don't fight them for them. Don't have an article to cite, but I read one recently that theorized that the reason there is still a disparity in parenting between moms and dads is that moms just aren't giving up control. In order to attain equality here, moms have to give up control of the home front and make time for dad to be more involved by taking some responsiblity off of his shoulders.


Edited 6/16/2003 8:02:09 PM ET by cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:01pm
Yes but Cyndi was saying that no matter how much *work* a sahm does, unless its extenuating circumstances, she isnt putting in as much effort towards the household as the working spouse. Thats pretty much the bulk of what was being debated.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:09pm
It's not so much what they do but how much they do. My dh solos as a parent for two hours every work day morning because I work. He gets the kids up, dressed and fed and reviews dd's homework with her before walking her to school. Because I work, he cooks dinner for the family, often with the kids helping right beside him. Because I work, he is more hands on with the girls. Dh does doctors appointments and stays home with sick kids because I work. One of the things I give my kids by working is a much more involved father. This is in addition to the normal stuff like taking the kids bike riding or for walks, reading bed time stories and building bunny hutches with them. It's not what dh does beacause I work but how much he does because I work. While he could do all those things as frequently as he does if I SAH, odds have it he wouldn't.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:11pm
I think you just described my job. Today, I cleaned toilets but last week was a blast. Now I have to write all the reports for all the fun tests we did last week.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:17pm
Um, never did I say the SAHP cleans up after the WP. She's not a maid. Yes, he's expected to put his dirty undies in the hamper and put his dish in the dishwasher.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:38pm
How very nice. And I'm sure she appreciates her neighbors giving out directions to her house, as well as her approximate address, to the whole world via an internet message board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:45pm
Interesting, because I seem to recall you equating dad loading a dishwasher after working all day with slave labor. And again, how would she NOT be cleaning up after the working parent to some degree if he isnt doing ANY of the housework? Last time I checked, all the people living in the house help dirty it. If he isnt supposed to help out, how is she not cleaning up after him? My dh generates enough laundry alone for 5 loads a week almost-yet your own statements indicate that it would be *wrong* to expect him to do laundry in addition to working fulltime. Or is it that HE should do all HIS own stuff, and mom takes care of herself and the children only....now THERES an equal division for ya.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 8:58pm
Actually why would your dh want your children sitting around during a hot summer day while you cleaned the house...when they could be at the beach/pool enjoying themselves. It's not just about the wife being lazy...it's about his children having a good time during their summer break.

I know for me my dh would much rather I take my daughter to the beach, than sit at home while I clean the house...of course I don't ask him to clean it, I have a cleaning lady. Again, not because I can't or don't want to clean, but because it enables me to do more with our daughter.

I don't understand why you have such a hard time with all this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 9:02pm
"Filling your days with other activities does not relieve you of your respobsibilities and entitle you to help with them. "


Why the h*ll not? Why do you care if someone's husband helps with the housework? Does your statement apply to those of us sahm's who have cleaning ladies? My responsibility is to take care of my children and my house. How I choose to do that is up to me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 9:03pm
I think I'll install CINDY'S GUIDELINES in our house.

Dh will cook all his own meals, pack his own lunch, make his own coffee

Dh will wash, dry, fold, put up all his own clothes

Dh will go to grocery & buy his food

Dh will clean his toilet, sink, shower

Dh will have his own trash can for his trash that he will take out

Dh will wash his own car

Dh will put his dishes in the dishwasher, he will put his dishes away, if he has more dishes than I it will be his job to put the soap in, run it,since he has more to clean

Dh will make up his side of bed, put sheets,blanket,pillow case on his side of bed

Dh will move his chair and vac around, under it. He will use the broom under his part of kitchen table

I'm beginning to think mrslou is on to some thing with this equal thing. Less work for moi

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