Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:34am
Wait, your 7 year old stays up until 11 pm???? Or DH stays up that late?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:36am
The other part is that you'll earn some money, in exchange for DH doing all of those things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:38am
I can't enjoy DH if he sits in his Barcalounger and watches a movie at night when I spend two hours cleaning the kitchen and laundry. I guess it's one thing if neither of you is inconvenienced by keeping score. I have a nanny and a cleaning service, and I still do way more than DH around the house, and heck ya, I keep score. He's not a self starter in the cleaning/picking up area, and his solution is "neither of us do it." GREAT mature solution there! So either I point out "his half" or we'd live in a trashed house with no clean clothes and no bills paid.

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Avatar for kazoomom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:40am
So somewhere you have located the number of hours it takes to run the average household. And you have compared this to every type of WOH situation so you can tell us which WOH jobs require more effort and longer hours as well? Please show us this data! Does it take more effort to pick up trash or design a floor plan of a building? Does it take more effort to care for 4 children vs. one or two? How long would it take to clean a trailer vs. a larger home? How long does it take to homeschool? How long does everyone commute to work? Does it take more to run your own company vs. working for someone else?

How can you make such blanket statements when there are so many factors to consider?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:40am
Look you posted once that you couldn't possibly work outside the home due to your DH's long and unpredictable work schedule. That type of marriage is inherently lopsided - it's obviously totally fine, since it works for you, but why make fun of cyndiluwho when she wants something a little more objectively equitable?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:42am
But they claim they "take care" of DH and the family in return for being financially taken care of. That's their deal, and it's totally different than our deals. I don't need to SAH to take care of DH and the kids, but some wives prefer to do so.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:46am
Equal on what basis? Both should be accorded respect for their chosen roles, but they sure as heck ain't equal! It's like saying a person with a master's degree is EQUAL in terms of education to a high school graduate. Both are human beings with inherent dignity, but they're not objectively "equal" in terms of earning power (necessarily).

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 8:53am
I agree with you. I've pretty much stayed out of this whole thread because I figure what works for each individual family is what they should do. But I feel some of the posters here have taken CLW's idea and have blown it completely out of proportion. It's really quite funny to see how far out of proportion it's gotten.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:06am
This is more of a general post and not really directed to you. I am reading this and shsking my head. Equality, to me, is not based on the money you bring in. Equality has so many other factors. I work but my DH makes slightly more than me. I do not feel dependent on him. He is not taking care of me.

If I stayed home, he still would not be taking care of me. He would be supporting the household by working but I would be supporting the household by lowering the childcare costs. Also, I would not feel dependent on him. I take care of him alot of the time-making sure he takes his medication, checking in with his doctors and settling insurance problems. I don't think financials make a marriage equal or unequal. There are so many other factors-health, personalities, the health of the children. A mother that stays home with a handicap child is not unequal to her husband. She is providing care for that child-care that would be very hard to find. Same if fathers stay home-they are not dependent on their wifes.

I view marriage as a partnership, as an inter-dependent relationship. I really do not think you can lump all SAHM marriages as unequal. They are providing a service without a paycheck and DH is providing a service with a paycheck. When I stayed home, DH was able to work more overtime. He did not have to leave early to pick up the children and he did not have to take sick days to take care of a runny nose. Now that I work he does all those things.

I prefer working but I never, ever felt dependent on my husband when I stayed home. I worried about our finances. I worried about his health. I worried about our insurance. I worried myself to death which is why I am working now. I did not worry about being dependent on him.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:15am
Is there some sort of contest going on here to determine who does more work? How ridiculous.

Jenna

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