Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:28am
I think it depends on the marriage and the circumstances. In your previous posts, you mentioned that you were a SAHM and now are a WOHM. In addition to caring for the children , you have had to care for your husband. You certainly are pulling your weight.

What about a case where the wife SAH forever and never returns to the workforce even after kids are in school?

Avatar for kazoomom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:29am
Now you're moving into another realm: time! His time is more important because he earns more? That's precious. I'd think many a SAH would argue that time spent at a school play is worth a heckava lot more than an hour at the office.

Sure, the SAH can find a sitter and pay for her haircut with her own money. That makes her less equal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:29am
...and still makes her DH do some of the housework? (sorry, I couldn't resist....)


Edited 6/17/2003 9:33:40 AM ET by peteynjoeysmom

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:31am
How does the SAHM get the money to pay for the haircut and the sitter?

A day at a school play may create memories for mom and child, but it's not "worth" the same as time in the office. It's apples and oranges. Financial worth vs. intangible value (memories, family interaction/support).

Maybe his time is worth more because he has less free time also?


Edited 6/17/2003 9:33:08 AM ET by peteynjoeysmom

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Avatar for kazoomom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:36am
She could have real estate income. She could have a savings account from prior to her marriage. She could be a trust fund baby. Why does it matter who pays for it? I thought we were talking about her ability to take the time to do it vs. his time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:39am
I apologize for not being clear. Regardless of who/how the haircut is paid for, if he provides the bulk/100% of the financial support for the family, and he has to work on a day when she has plans, his need to work comes before any of her plans, because he needs to work to keep his job and bring in the money. Make sense now?

Both DH and I have had to cancel or make alternative plans because the other had to work late or on a weekend. Work activities take priority. If one spouse has no work activities, that spouse's activities generally come second.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:42am
My aunt stayed home until her oldest child was 16. She went back to school, got a degree and then went into the workforce. I think she would laugh at this discussion. She stayed home because her eldest child was a very sick child-he had respiratory problems and almost died several times. He almost lost his leg when he was 13 from a mysterious infection. You can ask anyone in our family and we will all say the same thing-Clay is alive by the grace of God and his mother. She was equal when she was staying home. She was able to focus on keeping Clay healthy. Her non working status enabled my uncle to work major overtime at a car factory. Now, my uncle is recovering from a subdural hematoma and she is taking care of him. He can not bear for her to be out of his sight. Marriages ebb and flow.

I read a book once by a Ford executive. His children were grown and in college and his wife wanted to go back into the workforce. He could not stand it-he wanted her home to be able to run the house. He wanted to focus on his work and not worry about the household. While I would not want that life, they had an equal partnership. He was dependent on her for the running of the household and being able to focus on work and she was dependent on him for money.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for kazoomom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:43am
well, sure if we're talking in terms of earning potential only. The blanket statement I'm referring to is the one that says they are unequal in their marriage because one makes more money. Or any money, lol.

What does the earning potential have to do with being equal? What if a doctor chooses to stay home while the spouse chooses to teach? The doctor may have greater earning potential, but that's all it is. Would the teacher suddenly move into a higher position because they were the one bringing in the money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:45am
Too funny! EVERYBODY knows where she lives. It's not like it's a big secret.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 9:46am
I was thinking about equality on a grand scale! Yeah, I worry about equality when I take my third freakin' vacation day because of a snow day. I also worry about equality when I am taking the children to doctor and they are wild and he has no clue. He takes them seperately. I will rant forever about things like that. In the big picture though, we are equal. The rest is just petty annoyances of life.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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